


Deserts of eternity

by mnemosyne_musings



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Fix-It: s04e08 Silence in the Library, F/M, Library Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2020-11-28 12:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 63,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20966471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnemosyne_musings/pseuds/mnemosyne_musings
Summary: ...most disconcertingly of all, she was coming to the distinct conclusion that she no longer seemed to be in the Library database. Where she was, and how, she still wasn’t sure. One thing seemed to be increasingly clear though. She seemed to be alive...Library fix-it





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So assume:  
\- THORS didn't happen  
\- Eleven did Darillium  
\- Trenzalore/NoTD hasn't happened/won't happen - haven't quite decided yet!  
\- May be a higher rated chapter later but will update that later and give warning
> 
> Title from Andrew Marvel's To His Coy Mistress. Chapter titles from various Fleetwood Mac songs just because...

“There she is!”

Whirling round to face the onrushing group of pirates, River pulled out her cutlass with a flourish, cutting down one, then two, three would-be attackers easily. Spinning away with a laugh, she grabbed hold of the rope above her head and gracefully swung up and round onto the stern of the boat.

“You’ll have to try harder than that boys,” she cooed with a wink as she blew the remaining group of pirates a kiss.

_Treasure Island_ really was one of her favourite stories in here although she was maybe getting a bit _too_ efficient at finding the gold nowadays. Maybe she’d try doing it with one arm tied behind her back or even blindfolded next time perhaps? Spice things up a bit. What’s the worst that could happen? She was already dead after all.

Grabbing the bag of treasure, she sauntered over and climbed up onto the railing before diving over the side into the water below. Surfacing, she blew the water out of her face and turned back to wave gleefully at the pirates all gathered on the side of the boat and shouting at her. Laughing, she turned to swim away to the shore but suddenly though, she felt the water pulling her back under. Kicking out vigorously, River tried to fight the sudden feeling of panic as the water started to swirl round her, higher and higher. Feeling it tug her under, River kicked out helplessly and opened her mouth to shout for help, shout for CAL that something was wrong but there was nothing but water surrounding her and then it all faded to black….

***********

Burning, she was burning all over. Every inch of her, every muscle fibre, every sinew screamed at her. It seemed the fire was in her every cell, in the very atoms of her being. She opened her mouth to scream in pain but nothing came out. She tried to open her eyes but they were so heavy. She tried again but the effort was too much and she could feel herself sinking back down, her consciousness fading back as the darkness descended once more.

*********

Voices. She could hear voices talking this time. Faintly but they were definitely there. If she could just open her eyes. The burning sensation was duller this time. Still present but definitely duller. If she could only just manage to open her eyes she could find out…. But her eyelids were so heavy. Had it always been so hard to open her eyes? Maybe if she just slept a little more….

********


	2. Only the forgotten are truly dead

********

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

The insistent beep of an alarm slowly permeated its way through into River’s consciousness. Opening her eyes slowly, she squinted in the bright light, looking over to her side where the noise was coming from. She was laying on some kind of medical couch attached to various wires that were hooked up to machines next to her. One of these wires seemed to have fallen off her and onto the floor and that had caused the alarm to sound.

Pushing herself up onto her elbows, she reached over and pushed various buttons until the alarm stopped. Sighing in relief, River cautiously sat up and looked around her. The room she was in looked like some kind of ship’s medical bay although hers was the only bed. There were cupboards and machines lining the walls but the rest of the room was sparse and clinical with no clue as to where she might be.

Wherever it was, she didn’t recognise it from the Library database. The Library? Was she even still there? Surely she must be. She couldn’t begin to hope. The hope was the worst. That had happened before with a particularly cruel and vivid book on reincarnation. She had not gone near that one again.

But still….. she felt….different somehow. She was sore and tired and she ached all over in a way she couldn’t remember since….well since she was alive. But she couldn’t be. This was just another mystery novel perhaps. One of the sci-fi books bleeding into whatever adventure novel she had been in previously. Just an error in the coding system that’s all. Dr Moon would fix it soon.

Swinging her legs cautiously over the side of the bed, she gingerly lowered them to the floor, detaching herself from the remainder of the wires that were monitoring her various vital signs. Holding on to the side of the bed, she stood up carefully, testing her weight before shakily making her way over to the other side of the room. Collapsing gratefully into a chair, she tried to get her breath back as she scanned the room again. This time she caught sight of a black holdall a few feet away. Leaning forward, she grabbed hold of the bag before sinking back down into the chair and pulling the bag onto her lap.

“Now what do we have here. Toiletries, lipstick, blaster, vortex-manipulator….” River muttered to herself as she pulled items from the bag “Has someone been reading my Christmas wish-list?”

Pulling out a plain pair of trousers and a shirt she held them up for size “Hmmm, well they’ll do I suppose,” she sighed, “Not quite my usual, but needs must.”

Shrugging out of the thin hospital gown, she quickly changed her clothes, pulling on the pair of utilitarian boots she found at the bottom of the bag. Taking a few steps towards the door, she suddenly had to cling on to the wall as a wave of unsteadiness washed over her. Breathing deeply, she steadied herself before picking up the blaster and activating the door hatch out into the corridor.

Returning to the medical bay some twenty minutes later, River looked around in confusion. She’d slowly made her way around the small spaceship and found no sign of anyone on board. The ship’s controls were set to automatic and they appeared to be drifting in deep space.

Most disconcertingly of all, she was coming to the distinct conclusion that she no longer seemed to be in the Library database. Where she was and how she still wasn’t sure. One thing seemed to be increasingly clear though. She seemed to be alive.

Sitting back down on the chair, she looked down at her hands turning them over to stare at them. They looked like her hands, the old blemishes and callouses that had reappeared on them felt very familiar. Had her body been different in the Library? She certainly felt different now. Sensations she hadn’t felt for… who knows how long…. all clamoured for attention in her mind. Closing her eyes, she leant back in the chair, taking some deep breaths - proper breathing, now there was a thing she hadn’t thought she had missed – and tried to clear her mind.

Come on River, she told herself firmly. Start with the facts. She was no longer in the Library. She appeared to be alive. Someone had obviously retrieved her, mind and body, from the database. That someone clearly had access to some fairly sophisticated medical equipment judging by what she could see around her. They also seemed to have had some knowledge of Time Lord biology given her somewhat miraculous reincarnation into her old body.

All of which pointed to a rather obvious suspect which then begged the question. Where in the universe was her husband?

But no. Something was nagging at River. There was something just slightly off about all of this. It just didn’t feel like the Doctor’s work. Opening her eyes, she reached for the holdall she had discarded on the floor. Pulling out the vortex-manipulator that she had stashed back in the bag she noticed this time that there was a note folded into the strap. On it was a set of coordinates written in an unfamiliar handwriting.

Studying them intently for a moment, River then strapped the device on to her wrist. She pocketed the note with the coordinates and picked up the holdall, slinging it over her shoulder. She stood up decisively and thought for a moment before entering a different set of coordinates into the vortex-manipulator. To hell with mysterious summons. She’d just come back from the dead. She was going to find some new clothes, a shower and a bucketload of champagne. Not necessarily in that order.

*********

_Three months later_

Humming softly to herself, River accepted a glass of fizz from a passing waiter-drone as she glided through the ballroom, elegantly side-stepping various revellers and making her way to the side of the large ballroom. Leaning back against one of the ornate pillars that ran along one side of the room like a colonnade, she took the opportunity to scan over the assembled guests in their various costumes.

This human colony in the 33rd century took its Earth traditions very seriously indeed and that involved throwing the best masquerade ball this side of Alpha Centauri. All around her, guests had gone to hugely elaborate efforts to recreate the old costumes of Venice and pre-Revolution France complete with fantastic masks of all colours and shapes. She herself had gone for a vintage late 18th century dark green ballgown and a rather fabulous gold mask complete with blue sapphires and a halo of feathers around it. The sapphires may or may not have been purloined from a high-security vault underneath the Bank of England back in 22nd century London but what was a little thievery really in order to look the part for a party.

Taking a sip of her drink she scanned idly over the crowd, waving off the offer of a dance from a hopeful suitor in a full harlequin costume. Sighing contentedly, she felt the bubbles of the champagne burst across her tongue, revelling in the feel and taste of them. It was the little things she was still noticing after three months of being back from the Library. It had taken her a few weeks to feel fully in control of her limbs again and there were still times she’d bump into a piece of furniture or drop something. She’d never been clumsy and it was infuriating.

Still, she couldn’t complain this evening. Tonight had gone remarkably smoothly. She had found her way easily down into the archives where she had been told the piece of the amulet had been kept. It had been exactly where her sources said it would be. Yes, the cabinet had been locked but her newly revamped sonic trowel had easily taken care of that. Honestly, she’d forgotten how useful it was and how simple. No wonder the Doctor never bothered picking locks, why bother when you could just sonic things and then they’d open up?

_The Doctor_…. feeling her insides clench involuntarily at the thought of her husband, River shook herself. No, she wasn’t going to think about him now. The rest of tonight was about dancing, flirting and having fun. It wasn’t for ruminating on whatever sorry excuse of a marriage she still had, if any at all. He was probably swanning off round the universe having a ball of a time, not thinking about his ghostly wife’s consciousness that was supposed to be safely locked up in a database. Out of sight and out of mind indeed.

No, she wasn’t going to think about him tonight. She’d achieved what she needed to and now she was going to have fun. Downing the rest of her champagne in one, she put her glass down on a passing waiter’s tray. Determinedly straightening her shoulders, she adjusted her mask before fluffing her hair out and scanning over the crowd for a suitable dancing companion. Spotting a tall, well-built man in an elaborate guard’s costume, River smiled to herself before catching his eye and sauntering towards him on the dancefloor.

“Clara, no! I told you this was a bad idea. Masked balls are just an excuse for all sorts of behaviour.”

“Oh don’t be such a spoilsport Doctor! What on earth could possibly happen here?”

Freezing suddenly as she heard their voices, River stood rooted to the spot, her intended dance partner now totally forgotten. No, of course it’s not him she half-pleaded to herself. It _can’t_ be him here. There are plenty of doctors in the universe, of course one of them might be here and probably some of them also travel with young female companions called Clara…. maybe. It just _can’t_ be him. She can’t deal with him, with them, now. She wasn’t ready.

Stifling a small gasp, she suddenly caught a glimpse of an achingly familiar tweed coat in the sea of bodies in front of her.

“I am NOT being a spoilsport. The last time I went to one of these I nearly ended up married to the daughter of one of the papal dukes. Very awkward I tell you.”

“Well I’ll be here to protect you this time Doctor don’t worry,” the amused tone of his companion carried over to River. “We’ll make sure you don’t end up propositioning anyone inappropriate”

Moving slowly as if in a daze, she followed the sound of their voices through the crowd. This couldn’t really be happening here could it? Suddenly however the crowd parted slightly and there he was.

Just a few yards away, her Doctor, looking just as he had when he’d kissed her and said goodbye to her all those years ago on Darillium…. maybe a few more lines around his eyes, his hair now swept back off his forehead. But otherwise, the same clothes, the same face, the same eyes. But he looked…happy? Certainly he wasn’t really that put out about attending the ball, she knew that pout of his anywhere and he was mostly putting it on for the sake of his companion.

Speaking of which, River glanced down at the young woman by his side and sighed. Well she could almost have assembled her from a list of the usual criteria for her husband’s companions. Young, beautiful, presumably 21st century female – tick. Short skirt – tick. Wide-eyed enthusiasm and amazement for the sights of the universe but slight air of sassiness – tick. Potential air of mystery surrounding her – well, undoubtedly. She wasn’t dressed up in costume but had managed to find a mask from somewhere and was gleefully attaching it to her head as the Doctor pretended to frown at her and wring his hands in consternation.

River shook herself. She needed to get out of here and fast. Suddenly however as if sensing her, he looked round as if she’d called out his name loud and clear and stared directly at her. Stopping dead in her tracks, River stared back at him, unable to move and forgetting for a moment there was a mask covering her face and hair as she felt his eyes almost burning into her. Time itself seemed to slow down around them as he continued to stare straight at her. Almost forgetting to breathe, she took a small step towards him almost subconsciously. How could she have forgotten this pull towards him? How on earth had she thought she could see him and it would all be easy? That she could just walk away and move on? He seemed caught in the same pull towards her, stepping away from Clara and towards her, a look of confusion on his face.

He paused when he was merely a few feet away, almost close enough to reach out and touch and River thought for one mad moment he might sweep her up into his arms. Pull the mask from her face and kiss her senseless.

The spell was broken abruptly by a group of enthusiastic couples waltzing their way right through the crowd, scattering people in their wake and bumping into the Doctor, breaking his gaze away from her.

“Ow, excuse me!”

“Clara!” the Doctor suddenly hurried over to where his companion had been knocked over in the commotion and was picking herself up from the floor, “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” she grumbled, picking up her mask again where it had fallen off and brushing herself down, “I thought a masked ball was supposed to be a civilised party”

Grinning fondly at her, the Doctor swayed forward before leaning in and bopping her affectionately on the nose, “Oh Clara, nothing fun is ever that civilised!” he quipped before taking the mask and helping her put it back on, “Come on, let’s have a dance,” he added, holding out his arms as she grinned back at him in delight as he led her out into the dancing crowd.

Watching this exchange, River suddenly felt a tight band across her chest. Turning abruptly on her heel, she pushed her way blindly through the crowd, feeling as though she couldn’t breathe. Of course he would have a new companion. Of course he would have moved on. They had told her as much. She had been dead for him for years now. But still… she had thought that he might have had the grace not to look quite so….. carefree, so happy, so enthralled with someone else. And when he had bopped Clara on the nose, that was just too much. That was _her_ gesture. He always did that with her. Even his younger self hadn’t been able to resist. Even when he hadn’t known who she was. He had known.

Pushing her way out onto the balcony, River pulled the mask off her face, letting it drop onto the floor. Breathing in the cool night air, she stumbled over to the edge, placing her hands on the stone balustrade and taking in some deep gulps of air as she tried to calm her racing pulse and fight back tears that threatened to fall. Overcome by a sudden need to get away, she fumbled for her vortex manipulator, entering the coordinates with shaking hands and disappearing a moment later.

A minute or so later, the door to the balcony opened and the Doctor made his way cautiously out, peering around into the dark. Stopping at the balustrade edge, he inhaled sharply through his nose as if trying to catch a scent of something lingering. Sighing deeply, he paused for a moment looking over the dark gardens before turning as if to go back inside. However, his foot caught on something down on floor. Bending down slowly, he retrieved the abandoned face mask that River had discarded only a few minutes previously. Turning it round slowly in his hands, he ran his fingers reverently through the feathers that framed the mask before bringing it up close to his face, closing his eyes and inhaling gently.

“Doctor?” He started as Clara followed him onto the balcony, dropping his hands and the mask quickly away from his face. “Is everything alright?”

“Clara! Yes! All fine!” the Doctor covered quickly, pasting on a grin and stepping towards her.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Oh just wanted some fresh air that’s all, suddenly a bit hot. All fine now,” he reassured her, ushering her back towards the door.

“What’s that?” she asked suspiciously, pointing to the mask still in his hand.

“This? Oh nothing probably,” he replied airily, dropping it back on the floor “Come on let’s go back in”

“But you just left me there in the middle of the dancefloor …..were you looking for someone?” Clara persisted, frowning over his shoulder as if expecting to see someone else hidden in the shadows of the balcony

Stiffening slightly at her words, the Doctor’s smile faltered slightly “No….just a ghost,” he murmured under his breath.

“Sorry?”

“We’re going to miss the toasts,” he added loudly, fixing his smile back on and turning Clara gently back towards the ballroom, deliberately not looking back at the now empty balcony as he steered them both back out into the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, I do have a whole story planned if anyone is interested. Comments/thoughts/feedback all much appreciated...!


	3. These strange times I look in my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Fleetwood Mac 'These strange times'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for comments/kudos. All very much appreciated!

_New Oxford University, human colony 55th century_

“So as you can see Professor Song, we have an exemplary archaeology research department here at New Oxford.”

“Hmm yes I can see,” River murmured, nodding politely as the professor held the door to his office open for her “Thank you Professor Francis,” she added, stepping inside and looking around the large and rather messy room.

“We’ve established ourselves as one of the leading academic institutions for intergalactic archaeology as I’m sure you’re aware,” he continued, gesturing for River to take a seat as he manoeuvred himself past various boxes of objects and files to sit behind the desk “As a visiting professor, you’d be expected to take an active role in the department as far as field research goes. We wouldn’t expect you to shoulder too much of the teaching side of things to begin with though.”

“That would be most helpful,” River smiled back at him, “I have some of my own research interests that I’m keen to pursue.”

“Yes yes I’m sure,” Professor Francis mumbled, sorting through the various files on the desk, “Now your application mentioned various interests of yours … Ah here we are,” he pulled out a file, “Yes it says here you specialise in many aspects of Terran civilisation including early Mesopotamian, Graeco-Roman culture, Imperial China as well as non-Earth civilisations. Very impressive,” he remarked as River smiled back at him, “You aren’t related to _the_ Professor Song are you?” he suddenly asked, looking up at her more sharply as River simply raised an eyebrow at him “You know! Luna University. Author of _Tombs, Tomes and Trowels_ \- best-selling archaeology textbook of the 51st century. Tragic death about 400 years ago or so on an expedition.”

“Distant cousin,” River lied smoothly, “Archaeology runs in the family.”

“Yes clearly,” the professor nodded, looking impressed, "You know I think I can see the family resemblance now..." he added as RIver half-smiled back at him, “Anyway, now you mentioned your own research interests?”

“Yes absolutely,” River replied, leaning forward slightly in her chair and watching the other man carefully, “Tell me professor. Have you heard of the Harsk?”

“The Harsk?“ he repeated, frowning suddenly, “Yes, let me see. They were an ancient race, early adopter of space travel. Very powerful and initially peaceful but then in their later years they descended into disputes with various other races. Became increasingly militarised and despotic and turned on some of their own people. They all but died out many centuries ago.”

“Quite”

“Well I don’t think there’s much active research going on in that field,” Professor Francis remarked in surprise, “What is it you’re interested in if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I have a … a theory I’m working on,” River replied hesitantly, wondering how much to reveal, “I’m trying to trace any evidence of a lost amulet of some of their leaders.”

“Oh not the lost amulet of Vraxos?“ Professor Francis snorted dismissively, “That’s just a load of old rubbish that was pedalled a couple of centuries ago by those frauds at Cambridge Galactic University.”

“I think there might be an element of truth in there somewhere,” River murmured confidently, sitting back in her chair and watching in amusement as the old professor harrumphed to himself.

“Yes, well you can waste your own time doing that I suppose,” he muttered half to himself, “Now Professor Song, the remuneration terms of your contract state that…” he broke off as someone knocked vigorously on the door, “Yes, come in!”

“Ah professor, I’m glad I caught you before… Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you had company,” a handsome younger man stopped suddenly in the doorway when he caught sight of River.

“Oh that’s alright Ramone, come in,” the professor reassured the man who had stopped in the doorway, “This is Professor Song. She’ll be joining the department as of next week. Professor Song this is Ramone, one of our very promising post-doctoral researchers.”

Turning round in her chair, River glanced over the younger man before holding out her hand and smiling widely at him, “Delighted to meet you Ramone,” she said, keeping her tone neutral but running her gaze appreciatively up and down him once more, hiding a small smirk as he stumbled slightly towards her.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too Professor Song” he replied, grasping her hand and shaking it enthusiastically.

“Well thank you for the tour Professor Francis but I should probably get going. Plenty of unpacking to be done,” River sighed, standing up from her chair and gracefully disentangling her hand from Ramone’s grasp “I’m sure we can catch up about my work at some point very soon.”

“Ah yes yes of course,” Professor Francis stood up quickly as well as River made her way over to the door.

“I look forward to working with you in the future Ramone,” River remarked casually as she reached the door, “Hopefully very closely,” she added with a hint of mischief as she turned back to grin at the younger man before opening the door and heading out into the corridor.

Well, New Oxford was certainly looking a bit brighter than she initially had thought. A little bit of eye candy always improved things. Archaeology departments were usually so _fusty._ Having Ramone around at least might improve the departmental parties she mused as she made her way out the department and back towards her college lodgings.

Scanning her access bracelet to enter the college, River nodded at the AI drone on the door before winding her way through the main cloisters and up to her rooms. New Oxford had modelled itself on its namesake and River had chosen to stay at one of the grander colleges of the university for the meantime.

Unlocking her rooms, River wandered into the main living area and through to the small office that overlooked one of the college courtyards. Stopping at the window, she paused, looking out at some of the students lounging on the grass outside.

The past four months or so had been strange even by her usual standards. Ever since her, well, since her ‘change in circumstances’. She hadn’t quite worked out with herself what she was calling it. She was unmistakeably no longer dead and trapped in a computer but couldn’t quite bring herself to call it a resurrection or reincarnation. They all sounded just a bit too messianic for her tastes she pondered to herself for the umpteenth time. Just a simple reversal of death really.

After waking up on the abandoned ship she had embraced the return to life as much as she was able to. Her post-death physical capabilities seemed to be almost back to normal by now. She still seemed to need a bit more sleep than previously but that was slowly getting better. The first few weeks she had barely been able to keep awake for more than a few hours at a time and for the first time in her life River had embraced the concept of napping.

Slowly though she was feeling more and more her normal self. Her memories from her time in the Library still seemed fairly fractured and hazy in parts. Time hadn’t existed there meaningfully but from what she gathered, she had spent almost four hundred years trapped inside the database. Four hundred years as an ethereal consciousness, as a line of code, an afterthought act of desperation by her not-yet husband. At first, she had thought that he must be coming for her, his older self had given her the screwdriver so surely he hadn’t meant for her to just linger there? Gradually though, it had dawned on her that perhaps this was it. This was her forever more. A purgatory of fairy-tales and fantasy life.

But now here she was. Alive again and out of the database. But not at the hand of the Doctor. The crushing disappointment that she still felt that it wasn’t him who had saved her was accompanied by an intermittent stab of anger that he hadn’t even tried. He had just left her there. Uploaded and forgotten for four hundred years.

She had finally made her way to the coordinates given to her when she’d first woken up after three weeks of rest and recuperation. Well, three weeks of relaxation with the odd bit of partying and larceny thrown in just to check she still had it in her. She had.

When she got to the destination, a run-down bar on a mining planet in the Orion belt, she’d found a package of documents waiting for her behind the bar. In it she’d found a hire contract. It stated she was to track down the missing components of an amulet that had belonged to the leader of the Harsk, the race she had mentioned to Professor Francis. There had been a list of places where some of the pieces were last known to be plus some drawings and sketches of the amulet.

So that was it. A simple retrieval task in exchange for her own retrieval from the database. River was sure there must be more to it than that and was fully prepared for some kind of catch or trap. In the meantime however, it couldn’t hurt to do some more research and start finding these pieces of the amulet if possible.

There had been very little other information other than a strict stipulation that she was not to involve the Doctor. They had referred to him very jarringly as her ‘ex-husband’ and mentioned that this element shouldn’t be an issue as he had moved on and was involved with someone else. She couldn’t quite believe this and was sure he probably just had found a new companion, as she had told him to do herself after Manhattan. However, seeing him with Clara at the ball had shaken her far more than she was ready to admit.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, River turned away from the window and back towards her desk where she’d begun to accumulate the first bits of her research. The first piece of the amulet that she’d tracked down had been exactly where her source had said it would be and she had a fairly decent idea where the next one was. After that though, the trail was looking a little more hazy. That’s why she had taken the post at New Oxford. Other than needing somewhere to base herself, it would be useful to have access to a big archaeology research department and New Oxford was probably the best in this century. She had pondered returning to Luna but had thought that would probably throw up far too many awkward questions so here she was. Sitting down with a sigh, River pulled a large stack of documents she’d already retrieved from the department library towards her. Might as well make a start.

\--

Sprinting out the main door of the temple, River desperately punched in coordinates into her vortex-manipulator as the earth began to move underneath her again.

“Oh seriously?” she hissed at the device on her wrist as it sparked but didn’t activate, leaving her in exactly the same place. Shaking her wrist furiously, she jabbed in the coordinates again but this time there was nothing, just a blinking light over the charge button.

Spinning round on her heel, she pushed her way past a group of fleeing monks as she quickly made her way towards a small group of outhouse buildings. She was _fairly _certain that some of these had still been standing when she’d studied the schematics of the area that had been drawn after the earthquake.

Running down the small path, River jumped over some fallen stones in her way before shoving her weight against the door of one of the buildings. Pushing hard, she felt it give way and stumbled through into the building, tripping slightly on one of the wooden beams that had rather worryingly become dislodged. Breathing heavily, she leaned back against the far wall, looking in vain again at the vortex-manipulator on her wrist that was still showing as out of battery.

Cursing under her breath, she glared down at the device. Today was not going to plan. She had managed to land about fifty years too far into the future. She had still managed to grab the amulet piece she’d been after - it had been embedded into the handle of the high priest’s ceremonial cup. She’d meant to have more time to persuade him to hand it over without too much complaint but the earthquake had started and she’d had to fall back on the persuasive powers of her blaster instead. She hoped she hadn’t altered history _too _much. She couldn’t quite remember if the high priest was supposed to have survived this earthquake or not.

Shrugging away that thought, River pulled out her bag and rummaged through it for her portable charger. Plugging in the device, she settled down against one of the pillars, intending to have a closer look at the cup she had stolen from the temple. Turning it round in her hands, she ran her hands over the engraving around the rim. The piece that she was interested in was embedded in the stem of the cup and she ran her thumb gently over the join. Bringing it closer to her face, she delicately traced over the inscriptions dedicating the cup to the ancient deities that had been worshipped on this planet for centuries. She’d come across a similar item a long time ago in a bustling market on a distant planet while she was still in university. Staring down at the cup, she could still remember that visit, still see it, smell it as if it were only yesterday.

_“Doctor you said we were going for dinner and dancing!”_

_“Yes yes we are!”_

_“Then why are we in this boring market?”_

_“River this is not boring! This market is one of the high points of Antesian culture! There are several hundred species here that won’t every be in the same space for several millennia after this dynasty falls. This is an unparalleled extravaganza of …”_

_“It’s a flea market Doctor,” River interrupted him with a disdainful glance at the nearest stall of various trinkets, “I’m pretty sure they had all this in the local car boot sale in Leadworth every Saturday,” she added, picking up a rather battered old brooch between her finger and thumb before dropping it back down onto the table, ignoring the huff from the owner of the stall._

_“It is NOT like a car boot sale,” the Doctor gasped, spinning back round towards her as she glared at him, one hand on her hip, “Look, there’s all sorts of treasure here,” he asserted, picking up various items one by one and then hastily putting them all down again, “Well this might not be the best example but I’ll tell you River Song that there is most definitely treasure here. You’re just not looking hard enough!”_

_“What, like this?” she replied casually, removing a gold goblet from a pocket and tossing it up in the air._

_“What… where did you get that?” the Doctor spluttered, trying in vain to catch it as she threw it up again out of his reach before catching it deftly._

_“Oh a little while ago,” River said airily, catching the goblet one last time and looking at it admiringly, “You were talking to that dreadfully dull purple man.”_

_“River! He was not… The Phansee are an ancient and noble people. They just take their time when they speak and you shouldn’t have…”_

_“He was boring and I was bored sweetie” River interrupted impatiently “Now, are we going to go for dinner or do I need to shoot someone?”_

_“Fine fine, dinner, just no shooting!” the Doctor muttered, grabbing her arm and pulling her away from the stall “And best put that goblet away,” he added with a nervous glance behind them as he ushered her back to the Tardis._

Starting from her thoughts, River suddenly heard footsteps nearby and the sound of someone calling for help and scrabbling to push open the door. Scrambling to her feet, River grabbed her blaster and cautiously crept towards the door. Whoever it was at the door suddenly managed to force it open, stumbling over the threshold and into the building. Readying herself for a confrontation, River brought up her blaster to aim at the intruders only to halt in shock as she suddenly came face to face with her very dishevelled looking husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teasing end, sorry! You'll get River/Doctor in the next chapter but wanted to post something before the end of the weekend.


	4. Shatter your illusions of love

“Doctor?” River managed to gasp out as he stumbled to a halt in front of her and gaped openly at her, “What are you doing here?”

“River?” he choked in disbelief, staring at her as though he couldn’t believe she was there, “What… what are _you _doing here?”

Before she could answer however, the ground gave another lurch beneath their feet, knocking them both off balance.

“Clara!” the Doctor cried out as the movement slowed.

“What?” River glared at him in confusion.

“Clara, she’s hurt,” the Doctor scrambled to his feet again, “I need to get back to her. I was looking for somewhere to shelter. I need…” he tailed off, still staring at her.

“Doctor we need to stay in here, it’s not safe out…”

“I need to get back to her,” he repeated suddenly, interrupting her with a pained expression. Tearing his eyes away from her, the Doctor turned back towards the door, “Please?” he half-whispered pleadingly, turning back to her as he reached the threshold.

Taking a deep breath and fighting to quell the surge of emotions running through her, River shook herself and followed him out the door. There was no doubting that this must be an older version of her husband if he was with Clara. That and the horrified way he’d stared at her told her that he was very much expecting her to still be in a database and not roaming free in the middle of an earthquake. How on earth she had managed to run into him twice in a matter of months was something she was going to have to figure out later once they were safely out of range of any collapsing buildings.

Running down the steps that led up to the buildings, River followed the Doctor down a path and through a small arch in the wall that led down a slope to a small area of grass near the river. Propped up against a tree with her eyes closed in a grimace was Clara.

“Clara!” the Doctor exclaimed in relief, rushing over to her and crouching down beside her, “Sorry. Are you alright?”

“Doctor… I’m… I’m ok,” Clara smiled weakly at him.

“Do you think you can walk?” he asked anxiously, glancing around in concern as River hung back behind him.

“I can try,” Clara mumbled

“Excellent,” the Doctor beamed, getting up and holding out his hands, “We should probably get to higher ground.”

Bracing herself on the ground, Clara pushed herself up using the tree for support and balanced on one leg. Gingerly putting the other one on the ground, she winced and then tentatively tried to support her weight before collapsing again with cry of pain.

“I’m sorry,” she gasped, clutching her left ankle, “I don’t think I can.”

“Shhh shh it’s ok,” the Doctor mumbled soothingly, putting his arm round her shoulders, “It’s fine, don’t apologise. We'll get that ankle looked at as soon as we get back to the Tardis."

“Doctor,” River cut in warningly, “I’m really not sure we should stay here.”

“There aren’t any buildings nearby, we should be safe enough here,” he muttered, fussing about looking at Clara’s ankle which seemed to be swelling up quickly.

“No, it’s the nearby river,” she insisted, trying to keep her voice neutral as he studiously avoided looking at her, “I studied the schematics of this place before I arrived and I’m sure this whole area floods shortly after the earthquake. There’s an upstream dam that gets damaged.”

Glancing up at her properly for the first time since they’d met, he held her gaze before looking down towards the riverbank where the water levels already looked like they were rising fast. Frowning he looked back towards Clara and then back towards the buildings.

“Doctor where’s the Tardis?” she asked insistently as Clara looked up at her in surprise.

“Too far,” he dismissed, waving a hand vaguely in the other direction before turning back to Clara, “I’ll have to carry you,” he announced, stooping down to scoop Clara up into his arms, ignoring her yelp of surprise.

“Ow! Doctor!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he muttered as she winced when he stumbled slightly on a tree root.

Setting off slowly back up the slope, River glanced anxiously back behind them at the water which had now crept over the riverbanks. As they approached the wall though there was another ominous rumbling and the ground shook with enough force to send them all tumbling to the ground once more. Clara’s screech of pain as she landed awkwardly was half drowned out though by an almighty crash in front of them as part of the wall and the arch came crashing down in front of them.

Picking herself up from the ground with a groan, River dusted herself down and tried to peer over the mass of bricks and rubble that now blocked their path. “I’m not sure we’ll be able to get through here”

“No, we have to. We need to get out of here,” the Doctor muttered anxiously, glancing over his shoulder at the still rising water levels.

“Doctor I told you, I checked the maps of this place,” River replied urgently, “That was the only way back to the higher ground.”

“It can’t be!” the Doctor snapped, turning to glare at her in frustration, “There must be another way, something you missed”

“I didn’t miss anything Doctor!” River retorted, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice, “There isn’t another way.”

“Well we will just have to…”

Before he could finish though, a dull boom was heard in the distance followed by a louder crack that made them all jump and turn towards the river.

“Doctor,” River muttered, looking in horror at the water which had now burst over the side of the river and was heading steadily towards them and then back at the Doctor, “We have to get out of here. Now!”

Starting, the Doctor looked back at her for a moment and she could saw a flash of panic in his eyes before he turned back to pick Clara up again and start to try and pick his way across the strewn rubble.

“This isn’t going to work,” River muttered as she followed him closely, feeling the water now starting to lap around her ankles.

“Do you have any better ideas?” the Doctor shot back between gritted teeth.

Stopping suddenly, River cursed herself for not thinking of this earlier. She had been so blindsided by the appearance of her husband that she was barely thinking straight. “Yes, I do actually,” she retorted, digging in her bag before triumphantly pulling out her vortex manipulator.

“Oh River Song you genius,” the Doctor breathed, looking up at her in delight.

“Well it has been said before!” River smirked at him, feeling a sudden glow of warmth surge up from deep inside her belly as their eyes met for lingering moment, before looking down at the device and frowning.

“What’s the matter?” he asked quickly.

“The charge,” River muttered anxiously, pressing one of the buttons in concern, “It’s still very low. I’m not sure I’d trust it to take all three of us.”

“You go,” the Doctor said decisively as she whipped her head up to stare at him.

“No!

“Yes! You can…”

“No! Doctor I’m not leaving you!” River cut in and glared at him defiantly.

“You don’t have to!” he half-snapped at her in exasperation, “I can programme the Tardis coordinates in,” he explained more gently, gesturing to the device as she nodded suddenly in understanding, “You can come and get us.”

“Are you sure?” River asked anxiously, biting her bottom lip in worry as she held out her wrist for him to enter the coordinates.

“Of course!” he said confidently, tapping in the coordinates with a flourish, “I trust you,” he added more softly, glancing up her from beneath his fringe.

Breathing in sharply, River forced herself to smirk at him, “I meant are you sure you have the right coordinates sweetie? I don’t want to end up in the middle of the flood!”

“Of course I have!” he pouted at her as Clara gave a soft snort of laughter.

Hovering her finger over the buttons, River looked up at him for a moment, the smirk disappearing as he held her gaze for a long moment. Shaking herself slightly, she broke her gaze away from him and double checked the surroundings, “I’ll be right back,” she murmured before glancing back at him and pressing the button, disappearing in a crackle of time energy.

A moment later she materialised in the console room of the Tardis. Running up the stairs she ran her hands briefly over the controls before pulling levers and quickly sending them off into the vortex. Only then did she relax slightly, turning round to have a look around the console room properly.

“Oh mother I have missed you,” she murmured as she leant back against the console, hearing the Tardis humming in delight in her head and beneath her hands as she braced them beside her, “I know,” she added, “You missed me too.”

Sighing, she turned back around to face the monitor and began typing in the coordinates to take her back to the Doctor and Clara. There was a small part of her that was tempted to just stay here a while. Go somewhere perhaps or even just stay in the vortex and spend some time here. They’d never know and she was pretty certain she could get back to them no problem. If something went wrong though, she wouldn’t forgive herself. She also wasn’t sure if she was ready to deal with what she might find in the Tardis. Would their room still be there? Would it be exactly as she had left it when she’d swanned out after their night on Darillium? Would he have abandoned it or would he have thrown it all away? She wasn’t sure which was worse and she certainly wasn’t ready to find out just yet.

Steeling herself, River finished entering the coordinates and piloted them back out the vortex. Moments later the Doctor and Clara appeared just inside the door, the Doctor still holding Clara in his arms.

“Doctor! How did she…” Clara gasped, looking round in amazement.

“Oh I’ve many talents,” River replied dryly, sending them quickly back into the vortex and parking them in orbit round a nearby star system.

“Ha yes she does!” the Doctor grinned at River before glancing down at Clara in concern, “But we need to get _you _to the med bay and look at that ankle."

"I'm sure it's fine Doctor. You can put me down now, I feel ridiculous."

"No, don't be silly," he inisisted, heading purposefully off down the corridor and towards the med bay

River paused slightly for a few moments to collect herself. She had barely stopped to think since she’d run into him. It had all been so manic but also so _familiar_. The danger, the running, the last-minute escape. And _him. _She realised now she’d been completely lying to herself about everything. How much she’d missed their adventures, their banter but most of all how much she’d missed her husband. And at least he still seemed to trust her and rely on her. And maybe something more? When he’d looked at her earlier, she could’ve sworn she saw his old affection there. That familiar look of admiration, affection and just a touch of exasperation that made her hearts sing. Or maybe he was just grateful she’d shown up to save the day.

Sighing deeply, she shook her head to try and clear it. She’d have to deal with some of these emotions later but for now she needed to stay in control. Fiddling with some of the controls, she took out her vortex manipulator and plugged it into one of the switches to charge before following him down the corridor.

“Ow! Doctor!”

Pausing in the doorway, River took in the sight of her husband’s companion propped up on the couch while the Doctor poked at her very swollen ankle with his sonic. Rolling her eyes at him, she made her way over to one of the cupboards, rifling quickly through it before pulling out a portable scanner and an orange bandage.

“Here,” she said gently, nudging the Doctor out the way with her elbow and running the scanner over Clara’s ankle, “It looks like it’s just ligament damage. Just a bad sprain, nothing broken,” she reassured the younger woman, “This should do the trick,” she added, wrapping the bandage securely round Clara’s ankle, “It’s infused with an anti-inflammatory and it tightens automatically over the next few hours and pulls everything back into alignment. Once it’s finished it will turn green.”

“Thank you,” Clara sighed softly.

“Don’t mention it.”

“I don’t mean to be rude,” Clara suddenly blurted out as River finished securing the bandage, “But who _are _you? And how can you fly the Tardis?”

Chuckling softly, River looked up at Clara’s bemused expression “I’m sorry. It was a bit busy for formal introductions earlier. Professor River Song” she held out her hand to Clara who shook it firmly, “You may have heard of me?” she added with a raised eyebrow as Clara’s expression turned from bemusement to recognition.

“Professor Song! Yes of course,” Clara repeated, then frowned suddenly “Sorry I… I didn’t realise you were a woman,” she added with a slightly embarrassed laugh, watching as River tensed suddenly, her gaze flicking up to the Doctor who suddenly looked away awkwardly and paced over to the other side of the room. “I’m Clara,” she added.

Pasting a smile on her face, River turned back to the younger woman who was now looking at her and the Doctor with obvious curiosity. “Nice to meet you Clara”

“So, how can you?” Clara asked again insistently as River raised an eyebrow at her, “Fly the Tardis I mean?” she clarified, “He barely seems able to at times,” she added with a snort, nodding over at the Doctor who was fiddling with one of the cupboards.

“Oi, rude! Yes I can!” the Doctor retorted indignantly before River could reply.

“If you say so,” Clara muttered.

Choosing to ignore that comment, the Doctor turned back towards them suddenly, “River, have you… I mean… when are… we haven’t done diaries,” he mumbled hesitantly, looking up at her anxiously.

Pausing for a moment, River tensed slightly, “Manhattan,” she lied, looking him in the eye before glancing away again but not before she noticed him flinch slightly, “We’ve done Manhattan,” she repeated more firmly.

Sighing, the Doctor ran a hand wearily over his face, “I’m… I’m sorry,” he said quietly, a pained expression on his face, “I shouldn’t have… I didn’t behave well then.”

“You were grieving,” River mumbled, waving away his apologies.

“No, we were both grieving,” the Doctor insisted, looking up at her searchingly. “But I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking about anyone else. I should have done.”

“It’s fine Doctor. Really.” Taking a deep breath, River fixed a smile on her face before turning away from her husband’s gaze. Suddenly feeling the need to get away for a few moments, she turned back towards the door, “Now I just need to check that my vortex manipulator is charging properly,” she said with false brightness, forcing a smile onto her face “Won’t be long” she added before quickly heading out the door.

Heading round the corner, she stopped suddenly and sank back against one of the walls, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. She just needed a few moments to gather herself. It was ok, she told herself. It was perfectly understandable he hadn’t mentioned who she was to his companion. There was an awful lot that he never told those he travelled with.

“Your WHAT!?” the sound of Clara’s shriek suddenly interrupted her reverie, “You have a WIFE?”

Opening her eyes, River smiled wryly. She did always enjoy the surprise in people’s voices when they found out the Doctor was married. It probably never even occurred to them that he'd have something so mundane or ordinary as a wife. Pushing herself off the wall, she took a deep breath and headed back towards the medical bay. She could hear their muffled voices but just as she got near to the door, she stopped dead.

“No Clara, we’re finished River and I.”

“But…”

“No buts,” the Doctor cut in firmly, “It’s over…”

Gasping in shock, all she could suddenly hear was blood rushing in her ears. Not waiting to hear any more, River spun abruptly and half ran back to the console room, trying in vain to stop the tears forming in her eyes. Dashing over to the console, she grabbed her vortex manipulator and desperately typed in the coordinates for New Oxford.

“I’m sorry mother,” she whispered, running a hand over the console in apology, “I have to go. I can’t stay here at the moment.” Trying desperately to quell the wave of nausea that was rising in her, she glanced round the console room once more, mentally saying goodbye, before activating the device and disappearing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, River/Doctor interaction... Hope you enjoyed (and don't hate me please!)...
> 
> Once again, thank you for all comments/encouragement, they really do mean a huge amount!
> 
> Title from Fleetwood Mac's Gold Dust Woman


	5. In the stillness of remembering what you had

“Doctor,” Clara hissed as soon as River had left the room, “What was that all about?”

Keeping his eyes on the doorway where his wife had just exited, the Doctor fidgeted nervously with his lapels, “What was all what?”

“That weird… thing just now… between you two,” Clara gestured between the Doctor and where River had been standing.

“There was nothing… no thing,” the Doctor muttered, turning away from the door and pacing back over to the other side of the room

“That was _not _nothing,” Clara retorted, “Honestly I’ve seen criminal interrogations on telly that were less tense that that!” she scoffed as the Doctor turned back to glare at her “Who is she?”

Sighing heavily, he scrubbed a hand over his face, “River is… was my… my wife”

“Your WHAT?! Clara gaped at him in shock, clearly not expecting that answer, “You have a WIFE?”

Wincing slightly at the volume, the Doctor nodded slowly.

“Wait… why did you say was?” Clara asked suddenly, frowning at him, “Are you… divorced? Do aliens get divorced? How does that work? Is there like a space divorce?”

“No we’re not divorced,” the Doctor muttered, closing his eyes briefly and pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh. Well then what…”

“We’re both time travellers,” the Doctor explained with a sigh, shaking his head and staring down at the floor, “But in opposite directions mostly. She… the first time I met her, a long long time ago, she… she died,” he continued slowly as Clara gasped softly.

“But… how is she here now?”

“The curse of timelines,” the Doctor laughed bitterly, “I don’t know,” he sighed, still looking at the floor, “But she isn’t far off the end now… her end. For me though, that was a long time ago. I haven’t seen her for a long time.”

“But she’s here now. You can see her? Spend some more time with her”

“No Clara, we’re finished River and I.”

“But…”

“No buts,” the Doctor cut in firmly, “It’s over for me. I used up all my days with her already,” he snapped desperately, wincing as Clara flinched at his tone, “It’s all in my past.”

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…”

Sighing again, the Doctor ran his hands through his hair in anguish, “No no I’m sorry too… it’s just… I didn’t think I’d ever see her again and…” he tailed off desperately.

“Oh Doctor,” Clara said softly, watching him closely as he tried to keep his emotions in check, “I’m so sorry. This must be horrible.”

Fixing a grim smile on his face, the Doctor finally looked over at Clara before nodding slightly.

“But she is here now,” Clara pointed out tentatively after a few moments of silence as the Doctor looked down again and worried with his cuffs, “I know timelines blah blah blah but Doctor, she’s here and who knows why so maybe just go with it?”

“But this is out of time,” the Doctor muttered anxiously, “She obviously doesn’t mention this to me because spoilers and I don’t want to…”

“Oh stop being such a man!” Clara interrupted dismissively, “She’s here. You’re here. You obviously miss her so stop skulking around in here and go and find her!”

“I am NOT skulking thank you,” the Doctor spluttered indignantly, glaring over at his companion again.

“Hmph, could’ve fooled me chin boy,” Clara muttered, slowly swinging her legs over the side of the couch.

“No! No getting up! You’re injured”

“I’ll be fine,” Clara waved away his concerns, “It’s already feeling better. Now, I’m going to go lie down somewhere. You go find your wife and be nice. Oh and make her stay, I’m sure she’s got loads of embarrassing stories about you that I want to hear.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure I want to hear embarrassing stories about you!” Clara grinned at him.

“No, not that!” the Doctor waved his arms at her ankle, “Are you sure you’ll be ok by yourself?”

Rolling her eyes, Clara tested her weight gingerly on her sore ankle before nodding, “I’ll be fine,” she repeated, “Now go! Stop procrastinating and go find your wife!

Shaking her head as he gave her a nervous grin before straightening his lapels and heading out the door, Clara took a couple of careful steps before grimacing in pain

“Ow!” she muttered, shuffling backwards and sinking back down on to the couch, “Not THAT quick healing then for a magic bandage,” she added to herself, propping herself back on the couch with a sigh.

She’d give it another few minutes and then see if she could hobble off somewhere more comfortable. Maybe the Tardis would deign to rustle up somewhere better than the flooded utility room she’d ended up in last time she thought darkly. “I hope you treat the wife better than me you cantankerous old box,” she added out loud, freezing suddenly as she could swear that the lights flickered ominously for a moment.

Shaking her head, she turned her mind towards that little bombshell of the last few minutes. _WIFE?! _Seriously?! How long had she been travelling with him? Months now and not once, not one mention or even hint that he had a wife. There hadn’t even been a suggestion that he was even attracted to women or men or anyone really. Yes he flirted. Badly. But that was just the Doctor and his weird, awkward, fumbling alien manner. She couldn’t really imagine him in a relationship. The man seemed to blush like a schoolgirl at the merest hint of intimacy.

Then again, maybe it wasn’t like a ‘normal’, Earth marriage? Maybe it meant something different to Time Lords. Maybe they didn’t kiss or touch or… “Eww” she muttered, quickly cutting off _those _thoughts about the Doctor and what he may or may not have got up to with mysterious attractive spouses from his past.

Sighing, she leaned forward flexing her ankle again to see if it was less painful. She was about to consider trying to hobble off again when the Doctor suddenly reappeared in the doorway looking worried.

“What happened?” Clara asked.

“I…nothing,” the Doctor frowned, biting his lip, “She’s… I think she’s left”

“Left? But we’re in space?”

“She… her vortex manipulator, the watch thing she used before,” he explained at her look of confusion, “it’s a time travel device. Cheap and nasty but effective. I’m sure she used it to leave,” he muttered, running his hand through his hair.

“She can just do that while we’re in space?” Clara repeated, sounding impressed as the Doctor nodded ruefully, “But she didn’t say goodbye?” she asked suddenly, frowning at him as he shook his head, “Why?”

“I don’t know,” he whispered, half to himself, “Last time she saw me… it was… we were both hurting and now… I don’t know…” he tailed off.

“I’m sorry Doctor,” Clara murmured, looking at him with sympathy as he tried to smile at her.

“Probably for the best,” he said after a few moments, taking in a deep breath and trying to sound cheerful “As I said, timelines and all. This was just a moment out of time. Don’t want to go undoing anything I shouldn’t. I’ve said my goodbye…”

“Actually Doctor,” Clara said suddenly, sitting up straight, “I think you might be seeing her again.”

“No, I told you. I’ve had my days,” he snapped in exasperation, “I’ve run out of time.”

“Well I think time might have something else to give you,” Clara retorted, pointing behind him at the counter next to where River had been standing.

Sighing, the Doctor spun round on his heel before stopping sharply. There sat on the counter was the small bag River had been carrying.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, short chapter but I wanted to get something up before the weekend as the next week or so looks quite busy for me.
> 
> Hope it makes up slightly for mega angst last time! Still no fluff for a while I'm afraid... It will be there eventually!
> 
> Thanks as always for encouragements - they really do mean the world!


	6. love is like a grain of sand, slowly slippin' through your hand

_New Oxford University_

“…and my favourite make of trowel is probably the _SuperScraper IV_ model but since that one they changed the material of the handle quite substantially and ever since then it’s never been quite the same and I just don’t think I can bring myself to…”

Stifling a scream and the urge to run out the door, River took a large gulp of wine, cursing herself yet again for agreeing to this blind date. Tall, suave and handsome she’d been promised. And THAT was a lie. She was going to kill her colleague Luke who had suggested it.

Her date for the night was another archaeologist from the department, Dr Atef Sampson; one of the lecturers who had been here ever since he graduated and most likely would be until he died. A proper fusty academic who looked like he had spent all his life peering through dusty old books and sending snarky letters to academic journals. River wasn’t quite sure why he’d been so keen for a date if he wasn’t actually going to ask her any questions. She was sure there were some fairly sophisticated 54th century AI dating bots that could cater to virtually all needs these days.

She was going to actually kill Luke she thought again. That might not even be a metaphor she mused darkly, looking sourly over the rim of her wine glass at her date for the evening who was _still _waffling on about trowel handles. Maybe she would kill him as well. That would certainly brighten the evening up. Stab him to death with a bloody trowel. Sighing, she drained the last of her wine and quickly refilled it from the bottle as her dinner companion carried on talking, oblivious to her it would seem. If she wasn’t going to have a good time then she could at least enjoy the rather expensive bottle of wine she’d insisted on ordering.

Next time she wanted some company she’d drag Ramone down to the bar, get him drunk and shag him instead. That would have been a far better plan, he was far better looking than Atef anyway. What on earth had she been thinking agreeing to this in the first place? Well, she knew exactly what she’d been thinking. She had been thinking her marriage was over and she deserved a fun evening out. Fat chance of that it would seem.

Without meaning to, her thoughts turned again to the last time she’d seen her husband.

_“Professor Song! Yes of course. Sorry I… I didn’t realise you were a woman.”_

_“You have a WIFE?” _

_“No Clara, we’re finished River and I.”_

_“No buts. It’s over.”_

She could’ve coped, just about, with him not mentioning her. Of course it had hurt but then he’d always been private, always kept things to himself, even from his companions. But to not even mention that he’d been married. And then the real hammer blow of hearing him just declare it all over. Just like that. Decades upon decades of marriage dismissed in one short sentence. She’d always known deep down that he’d probably outlive her. She just hadn’t quite thought he would have so totally outlived their marriage as well.

Gripping the stem of her wine glass hard, she swirled the contents absently as she felt a shiver go through her. How long had she been gone for him? Long enough clearly. Long enough for him to move on. Long enough to find someone else to pique his interest, someone younger, someone else’s mysteries to unravel. Their time was done.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, River hastily took another gulp of wine. No, she was not going to dwell on her marriage any further tonight. Or lack thereof. After her hasty exit from the Tardis a few weeks ago she’d headed straight to her favourite party cruise ship. It was one of the large intergalactic star-liners that trod a fine line between hedonism and debauchery with no questions asked about who you were and where you came from as long as you could pay your way. She’d discovered it in her early years at university and had been pleasantly surprised that it hadn’t changed at all.

Unfortunately, reality had caught up with her after a slightly hazy two weeks aboard; she’d stumbled back to her university lodgings to realise to her dismay that she no longer had her bag that she’d originally taken with her to retrieve the piece of the amulet. At first, she’d thought she might have left it somewhere on the party ship and had vaguely entertained thoughts of going back. However, she could now vividly recall setting it down in the med bay before she’d helped Clara with her ankle and she definitely hadn’t picked it up again in her rush to leave that room. Cursing her husband and herself yet again for the hundredth time, she briefly tuned back in to what her companion was saying before blocking him out again when she was reassured an answer wasn’t required any time soon.

She still couldn’t quite believe she’d gone and left her bag behind. She was _never _that careless. She’d run over the scenario in her mind a hundred, no, a thousand times and she could just _see _the bag sitting there on the counter. It wouldn’t have mattered too much but she’d stashed the goblet in that bag and now all her work to retrieve it was wasted. She didn’t think there was too much danger of the Doctor tracking her down to give it back to her. He’d thought she was earlier in her timestream than she actually was and that she’d be seeing a younger him again soon to take her to Darillium. Sighing deeply as she pondered the bottom of her wine glass, she realised she’d have to see him again at some point sooner or later. Their time may be done but it seemed time wasn’t quite done with them she thought bitterly.

Sighing again, dragging her thoughts back to the present and resisting the urge to glare at her date, River idly wondered if she could get away with poisoning him to make a quick exit. Not fatally of course. But just incapacitate him a bit. It might be worth it.

“…but of course all of that business with the Harsk was just a distraction really from…”

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” River suddenly tuned back in and interrupted him.

“I…I was just… that excavation business with the Harsk…” Atef stuttered, looking slightly disgruntled at the interruption.

“You know about the Harsk?” River asked somewhat in disbelief, “_You _know about them?”

“Yes, of course,” he replied, slightly put out, “It’s been of particular interest to me for some years now. Didn’t you see I put something in last month’s department circular?”

“Hmm no must have missed that,” River muttered, thinking of the monthly circular that went straight to her junk folder.

“I also gave a talk at last week’s journal club review?”

“No, must have missed that one too,” River replied airily, “Very busy with field trips recently,” she added, thinking of the high-stakes poker tournament she’d mostly been involved with the previous week.

“Hmmm,” he muttered, looking unconvinced by the idea of field work.

Ignoring that, River leant forward eagerly, “As it happens, I am also interested in the Harsk at the moment.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I’m particularly interested in a ceremonial piece… the lost amulet of Vraxos?” River continued, watching intently as his eyes flickered with recognition, “You’ve heard of it then?”

“Yes… “ he replied slowly, “It was considered a myth for a long time. Most academics have dismissed it as such But, like many myths and stories throughout history, there is often an element of truth behind them.”

“Indeed,” River murmured, topping up both of their wine glasses generously.

“It’s just having the ability to look in the right places,” Atef sniffed disdainfully, “Of course lots of my colleagues have dismissed my work over the years but I haven’t let that stop me. Although I’m sure it hasn’t helped my position here over the years. In fact I should probably have been a professor by now if…”

“Oh definitely I’m sure,” River interrupted him smoothly, anxious to avoid another long discourse on faculty politics and steer him back on course, “So, this amulet…”

“Ah yes, well, as I said, it was considered simply a myth for a long time.”

“But you don’t think that’s true?”

“No I don’t,” he replied, frowning in concentration, “My research would suggest that it was broken up and the pieces scattered a long time ago.”

“Yes I think you’re right,” River nodded in agreement as he looked up at her in surprise, “And the pieces now?”

“I have some theories. I think I’ve been able to locate at least three of them”

“Well you’re ahead of me. I think I’ve only located two.”

“I can show you some of my work another time if you’d like?” he replied eagerly, blinking earnestly at her.

Smiling properly for the first time that evening, River took a sip of her wine, “That would be most helpful, thank you,” her grin widening as she saw him blush slightly “Do you have any theories on what the amulet was used for?” she added suddenly as an afterthought.

Frowning again, he fiddled with the stem of his wine glass before answering slowly, “Possibly. It’s difficult. The records are so scarce. There are some that link it to the tomb of an ancient leader. Others to a prison that’s been hidden away at the end of the universe. And some that simply say it was just a ceremonial piece. I haven’t been able to piece any of it together convincingly.”

“Ah, that’s a shame,” River murmured, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice, “I haven’t been able to find out much either.”

“Of course it’s likely that most of the information was destroyed at the end of the Time War,” Atef remarked casually, taking a sip of his wine and not noticing the sudden change in River’s demeanour as she sat up sharply.

“The Time War?”

“Yes,” he frowned, “You know, conflict between the Daleks and the Time Lor…”

“Yes yes I know what the Time War was,” River snapped impatiently, “What has that got to do with the amulet?”

“Oh. Well I thought you might have come across this perhaps,” he replied, surprised, “Although it did take me a long time to track it down thinking about it,” he mumbled, half to himself as River resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him, “The Harsk entered an alliance with the Daleks, shortly before the beginning of the Time War.”

“Oh really?” River murmured, “Now that is interesting.”

“Yes. Now it’s not recorded what it was that brought about the end of their empire. Whether they were betrayed by the Daleks or whether it was infighting that led to their demise.”

“But presumably it could also have been the Time Lords?” River exclaimed suddenly, as he looked at her with interest, “If this was shortly before the Time War. Any ally of the Daleks would have been in conflict with them too?”

“Yes… I suppose it could,” he pondered slowly, “I hadn’t really thought about it like that… so little is known about the Time Lords.”

“Hmmm, yes, well, it’s a bit of a specialist interest of mine,” River remarked dryly as he raised an eyebrow curiously at her.

“Oh really? How unusual,” he replied in surprise, “Actually wasn’t there another Professor Song who wrote about the Time Lords. What was that book now…”

“Ah yes, an ancestor of mine,” River muttered hastily, “Family interest,” she quipped with a bitter smile.

“Yes, well, they certainly could have been involved,” he mused, leaning back in his chair to sip distractedly at his wine.

“I did have a slight suspicion they might be,” River murmured with a sigh. She had been trying to avoid coming to this conclusion but having the Doctor turn up twice in a row in the exact places where she had been retrieving pieces of the amulet had seemed like far too much of a coincidence for her liking. That coupled with the fact that her instructions had been so explicit as to not inform the Doctor about what she was up to made her almost certain that the Time Lords had to have been involved in some way or another with this mysterious amulet.

“… but it’s not as though we can find anything more out about them,” he was saying as she tuned back in to the conversation, “There’s almost no record of the Time Lords anywhere.”

“Actually I might be able to help with that,” River sighed under her breath before fixing a grim smile on to her face. Clearly the universe wasn’t done taunting her yet and she was most definitely going to have to track down her husband in the near future. “I think I’m going to need another drink though first.”

\--

Pacing round the console room, the Doctor threw a glance over at the bag that now sat on top of the console before turning back around and fiddling with his lapels. Turning back around to look at the bag again, he took a couple of steps towards it before pausing, shaking his head and moving instead to fiddle with some buttons on the console, throwing a sideways glance at the bag as he did so.

“Have you opened it yet?”

Starting at Clara’s voice, the Doctor spun round to see his companion wander back into the console room, carrying a cup of tea in one hand and a magazine in the other.

“Errr no… I mean. What? Opened what?”

Rolling her eyes at him, Clara sat herself down on the chair, “The bag”

“What bag?”

“Your wife’s bag,” Clara retorted archly as he started involuntarily at her words, settling herself back in the chair and opening her magazine, “The one you’ve been staring at for three weeks now.”

“I have not been staring for three weeks!”

“Yeah right!” Clara snorted, “I’m surprised you haven’t burnt holes in it you’ve been staring so hard. It’s as if you’re trying to develop X-ray vision. Wait… that’s not an alien thing is it?” she added as the Doctor glared at her, “Oh no, that’s Superman.”

Muttering under his breath about comic books and rudeness, the Doctor whirled back around to face the monitor instead, pointedly not looking at the bag this time.

“Do you want me to do it?”

“What?” the Doctor muttered, still fiddling with the monitor controls.

Sighing, Clara put down her magazine and got up from the chair, walking up behind him and gently placing a hand on his arm, “Do you want me to look in the bag Doctor?” she asked softly, “Or I can hide it away if you prefer?” as he jerked round to stare at her and then back at the bag.

Taking a deep breath, he reached out a hand to hover over the bag. “No…. might as well get it over with” he muttered with a grimace before tentatively picking up the bag and carefully opening the clasp.

Reaching inside, he pulled out a scanner, a folded-up map and a blaster. Hastily depositing the latter in a drawer, he turned back and continued rummaging inside the small bag, this time pulling out what looked like a lunch box and a thermos flask.

“What! How is all that in there?” Clara exclaimed, “Are you married to Mary Poppins?”

“Oh you know… bigger on the inside and all,” the Doctor mumbled, “River never liked travelling light”

“I can tell.”

Fumbling around in the bottom of the bag, the Doctor finally pulled out the goblet River had retrieved, peering at it curiously before setting it down on the console. “Where is it” he muttered to himself, bringing out a few pens and oddities before putting them back in the bag and frowning at it, “She must have had it on her I suppose.”

“Where’s what?” Clara asked.

“Her diary,” he sighed, “she doesn’t go anywhere without it. I thought… I thought it might be in here”

“Well she must have had it on her as you said,” Clara shrugged, “What’s that though?” she asked, pointing at the goblet he’d removed from the bag.

Setting down the bag on the console, the Doctor picked up the goblet, bringing it up to his face to look at it more closely. He peered at engraving around the rim, muttering the inscription under his breath before bringing it up to his face and sniffing carefully.

“Please don’t lick that,” Clara said quickly as he surreptitiously closed his mouth, “At least not until _after _I’ve looked at it”

“It’s a ceremonial goblet from the temple,” the Doctor muttered, ignoring her comment, “I’ve seen one before, years ago. River stole one from a market and…”

“Stole?”

“It’s worth a bit on the black market but not _that _much,” he continued, half to himself, still turning the goblet round in his hands, “and that was a long time ago. She tends to steal more expensive things when she’s older. Maybe she’s working for someone who …”

“I’m sorry,” Clara interrupted, holding up her hands and shaking her head in disbelief, “Stealing?” she repeated as the Doctor nodded at her in confusion.

“Yes.”

“So, not only do you have some mystery wife who’s far more attractive than you are and with amazing space hair who swans in and out of your life seemingly at random. But she also goes around the universe stealing expensive treasure and stashing it in her magic bag? Is that right?”

“Errr, well… essentially. Umm, yes,” the Doctor mumbled, blushing slightly, a look of pride flashing briefly across his face as he looked at Clara.

  
“And you didn’t think to mention any of this before because…” Clara muttered, shaking her head at him.

“Oi… it’s, well, it’s complicated,” he muttered, “and anyway, it’s not as if…”

He was cut off however by a beeping noise from the monitor. Grateful for the distraction, the Doctor spun round quickly to look at the screen.

“Ooh look, distress call,” he exclaimed in excitement.

“Where from?” Clara asked, moving to peer over his shoulder.

“Not sure yet,” he replied, typing quickly into the keyboard, “Still. Be rude to ignore it eh!” he grinned at her as he pulled one of the handles down with a flourish, sending them off into the vortex "Geronimo!"

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, err not much action, but necessary plot filler, sorry. but hope you enjoy all the same. Should be River/Doctor coming up next don't worry.
> 
> thoughts/comments always improve my day!


	7. pick up the pieces and go home

Stepping out the Tardis after the Doctor, Clara peered around him at the small courtyard where they had landed. “So, where we Doctor? Do your space magic thing. Tell us where we are!”

Glaring at her, the Doctor crouched down to run his hand through the loose soil. “It’s not space magic Clara. It’s a very sophisticated and highly developed spatiotemporal sense that allows Time Lords to locate themselves precisely anywhere in the universe.”

“That’s what I said yeah, space magic!” Clara retorted cheekily as he rolled his eyes at her before sniffing the air carefully.

“Santopolis Minor,” the Doctor pronounced, standing up to look around, “18 hour day, two moons, friendly locals. Mostly friendly anyway.”

“I’ll take mostly,” Clara shrugged, wandering past him and towards a doorway a few yards away from where they had landed, “What’s going on over here?” she pointed through the doorway to where there was a large crowd gathering nearby.

Checking his watch, the Doctor strolled over to her and peered over at the crowd, “Probably the annual sun spirit festival”

“Sun spirit?”

“Their version of a sun god,” the Doctor explained, setting off towards the large crowd, “Worshipped for centuries here. Now mostly just an excuse for a party. Actually they do excellent snacks here I’ve heard.”

“Snacks sound good. Better than mortal peril at any rate,” Clara commented, following him as they started to push through the crowd. “So who sent that distress signal?” she asked curiously, “No one looks very distressed here. It looks like they’ve all come for a party instead.”

“Not sure,” he replied cheerily, “I’m sure we’ll find out soon though. We usually do!”

Making their way to the front of the crowd, the Doctor quickly ducked under the barrier that was keeping everyone back and made his way over to a roped-off area with a marquee where it looked like all the local dignitaries were gathered. Flashing his psychic paper at the security, he sauntered in, gesturing at Clara to follow him.

Wandering through the groups of people, the Doctor glanced around him, heading towards a small group gathered around a slightly raised platform. Sidling past a rather large gentleman who was gesticulating wildly and narrowly avoiding getting covered in wine, he approached the edge of the group who were caught up in an animated conversation. Suddenly however he stopped dead as he caught sight of who was standing in the middle of the group.

“Doctor, ow, what are you doing?” Clara exclaimed as she walked straight into him, “Ohh” she breathed, peering round his shoulder at where he was staring, “Is that…”

“River,” the Doctor breathed as she turned to face him properly.

\---

“So you’re just here for the festival then?” the Doctor repeated suspiciously as they followed River out the back of the marquee and across the courtyard into one of the outbuildings of the main palace.

“Yes, I’ve been meaning to come and see it for a while.”

“But why now?” the Doctor persisted, checking back over his shoulder to see if Clara was following them.

“Why not now?” River replied with an offhanded shrug, “I’m between expeditions and had some free time.”

Glancing back at him she saw him flinch slightly at the mention of her expeditions. Turning back away from him, she bit her lip to try and keep her expression neutral. Everything was going perfectly so far. He’d turned up exactly when she had hoped he would and with Clara in tow so she’d got through to the right him. She’d been suitably vague when he’d introduced Clara and hadn’t said specifically that she’d met her before. Instead she’d whisked them off away from the celebrations and she just needed to get them a bit further and then all would hopefully fall into place. She just needed to stick exactly to the plan and not give in to the urge to do anything stupid like throw herself into his arms or drag him off to the nearest bedchamber and shag him senseless.

“No. I meant why this time here.”

“Oh, well they invited me here now,” River led the way up a small staircase and down another corridor before pausing to unlock a door, “Best-selling archaeologist in this part of the galaxy don’t you know,” she added with a wink at Clara as the Doctor rolled his eyes.

“And… when are we?” he asked tentatively as River led them into a suite of rooms where she’d obviously been staying, “We haven’t done diaries.”

“In a minute sweetie,” River dismissed him, walking over to a small side table, “I want to show you something first.”

“Show me what?” the Doctor asked, wandering over to the large desk in the corner and idly flicking through the stack of papers that were sat there.

“Drink?” River offered, ignoring him and picking up a jug from the tray and pouring out three glasses, “It’s a local specialty here,” she added as Clara picked up the glass that River offered to her before sipping cautiously.

“Mmmm, it’s like honey,” Clara enthused as River smiled and took a sip of her drink as well, “but a bit warm and spicy.”

“Doctor?” River held out the other glass to him, taking care to avoid brushing his fingers with hers, "It should be sweet enough even for you I should think."

Taking the other glass, the Doctor looked at her for a moment before taking the glass and sniffing the contents suspiciously. He then took a small sip and then a larger, more enthusiastic swig as he tasted it. Downing the rest of the glass and smacking his lips, he put it back down on the tray before turning back to face River who was watching him carefully.

“So, are you going to tell me what you’re really up to here then?”

“I told you!” River replied innocently, as she took a seat on one of armchairs by the fireplace, “I’m just here for the festival. I was invited.”

“Yes, but…”

“I don’t just run around the universe seeking out trouble Doctor,” she continued, ignoring his small snort of disbelief, “I do have a life as well. This is just a sightseeing trip. No monsters, no missions, no life-threatening danger. Just a bit of sightseeing and culture.”

“Doctor, I…” Clara suddenly muttered, putting down her glass shakily on the table.

“Hang on Clara,” the Doctor waved a hand dismissively at her, still frowning at River, “I got a distress call from this exact location and time. Are you telling me you had nothing whatsoever to do with that? Who sent it then?”

“Well I don’t know!” River remarked airily, “Are you sure you’ve got the right time?”

“Of course I have!“ he retorted indignantly, “But there aren’t many people who can send a distress call straight to the Tardis”

“Well it wasn’t me,” she declared as he looked pointedly at her.

“So it’s just a coinci…”

“Doctor I really don’t feel well…” Clara interrupted, leaning forward suddenly to support her weight against the table as it looked like her legs were going to buckle under her.

“Clara, what’s the matter?” the Doctor spun away from River and moved quickly back over to Clara, brushing his hand over her hair in concern and tilting her face back towards him.

“I…I don’t know. I feel… strange.”

“Hmm, you do feel warm,” he muttered, frowning at her in concern as he felt her forehead, “Let’s sit you down.”

“I’m not sure I can,” Clara slurred as the Doctor tried to guide her towards one of the chairs, “I feel like… like I need to… to just sleep,” she muttered as her legs gave way and she sank down slowly onto the floor by the table.

“Clara…Clara… stay with me. Don’t close your eyes,” the Doctor exhorted in vain as he shook her frantically, clutching her as she slumped down onto the floor, her eyes closing as she passed out cold in front of him, "River, get someone, help!"

"Is something the matter?!" River called airily as she lounged back in her chair.

Standing up quickly and grabbing Clara's abandoned glass, the Doctor brought it up to his face and sniffed deeply before turning back round to glare at River, “What have you done?! What was in that drink?”

“What on earth do you mean?” River asked, all faux-innocence as took a sip of her own drink, a small smile playing around her lips.

“River! Don’t play games with me!”

“Oh but you used to _love_ games,” she sighed dramatically as the Doctor paced towards her.

“River! What is going on?” he demanded again, “What have you done to her?”

“She’ll be fine. Just a little sedative. She’ll be back to normal in a couple of hours.”

“A couple of hours!” the Doctor spluttered in outrage, as he turned back towards where Clara was lying on the floor and pulled out his screwdriver to scan her. “What are you up to? Why have you poisoned my companion?”

“_So _dramatic sweetie,” she drawled, “It’s just a sedative.”

“I’m _not _being dramatic,” he exclaimed, turning away from her as he knelt next to Clara, “I know you play up the psychopath thing River but really, this takes…”

“Besides,” River continued, ignoring his mutterings, “I didn’t just sedate _her,_” she added teasingly, watching as the Doctor paused his scanning and turned round to look at her, a look of comprehension suddenly dawning on his face as she smirked back at him, “In fact, I’d estimate that given your metabolism and the amount of sedative I put in your drink, it should just about be beginning to kick in around… ooh I’d say around now!”

“River…no… what have…” he trailed off as he tried to stop himself slumping down on the ground as his eyes started to flutter shut.

“Sweet dreams Doctor,” River winked at him as he desperately tried to keep his eyes open.

“River…I…”

“Sorry sweetie,” she murmured as he slumped down on to the floor, his screwdriver slipping from his grip as his eyes closed, “Needs must and all.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, she put her own (unpoisoned) drink down before standing up and walking over to the Doctor. Kneeling down to tuck the screwdriver back into his coat pocket, she paused briefly, stretching out a hand automatically to brush the hair back from his face. Lingering slightly, she then trailed her fingers over his forehead, tracing the small lines around his eyes that were new to her. Catching herself mid-action, she froze, shaking her head before hurriedly removing her hand.

Quickly getting to her feet, she left the room, locking the door behind her as she wound her way through various back corridors until she came out into the small courtyard where the Tardis was parked.

Pushing open the door, she made her way up to the console, stroking her fingers lightly over the surface. “Hello again mother,” she whispered softly as she paused by the monitor, “Ah ha, there you are,” she added as she spotted her bag resting against the controls, “Well that was nice and easy”. Picking it up, she rifled through it quickly to check everything was still there before stashing it away carefully.

Turning back round, she quickly made her way through into the Tardis, heading straight for the library. Everything had gone to plan so far; the distress call she’d put out had come through to exactly the right Doctor and both he and Clara should be sound asleep for a while to give her some time alone in the Tardis. He’d clearly been a bit suspicious about what she was doing there but luckily, she’d got him to follow her pretty quickly and she’d been able to sedate them both before too many questions could be asked.

Opening the door to the library, River paused and breathed in the familiar scent, taking a moment to reminisce. This had been one of her favourite rooms before. She’d spent countless hours in here previously. Days spent poring over texts while she was in university, the Doctor doing his best to distract her, to tempt her out with promises of dinner or running or adventure. And usually succeeding. Later on when she'd been in prison, there had been quiet evenings spent curled up on the sofa, reading to each other, her head in his lap while he played with her hair. And then there were those frantic times, sometimes after the heat of battle or the thrill of an escape, when they’d be desperate for each other, barely taking the time to tear each other’s clothes off before fucking against the doorway, the desk, the bookshelves… anywhere really. But then also there were those rare occasions, perhaps her most treasured of all, of long, slow love-making in front of the fire, of hushed conversations and whispered confessions by firelight. Those were the times where it felt like there was nothing and no one more important than the two of them together in that moment. River Song and the Doctor against the universe and nothing could touch them; not even Time itself.

Shaking her head and grimacing slightly to try and step out the past, River closed the door behind her and made her way up one of the spiral staircases into the main book stacks. She had some research to do and dwelling on what was passed was not going to help it get done any sooner.

\--

Groaning slightly in pain, the Doctor opened his eyes groggily, blinking as he slowly pushed himself up from where he’d been lying on the floor. Running a hand over his face, he blinked a few times, looking around the room. Taking in the table with the jug and glasses and Clara still lying unconscious beside him, it suddenly all came back to him.

“Clara,” he muttered, shaking her slightly, checking her pulse quickly as she started to mumble incoherently, “Clara wake up!”

“Doctor?”

“That’s it, careful,” he mumbled, helping her as she sat up carefully.

“What happened?” she groaned, holding her head in her hands, “Urgh I feel like I’ve necking tequila shots all night.”

“We’ve been err… asleep,” he declared, getting to his feet and heading over to the door.

“I know that!” Clara huffed, pulling herself up using the table, “But, why… “

“Oh you know, I think there might have been something in the drinks,” he mumbled, trying the handle of the door and pulling out his sonic when it wouldn’t open.

“But why… who?” Clara frowned in confusion, “Oh hang on! Wasn’t your wife here… did she… did she _poison _us?!”

“Hmm, no not that setting,” he muttered to himself as the door stayed closed, “Err, yes, I think so.”

“Doctor!” Clara exclaimed as he fiddled with the lock, “What’s going on?” she demanded as he managed to open the door and hurried out into the corridor.

“Come on. We need to get back to the Tardis.”

“Doctor!” Clara shouted in exasperation, hurrying after him as he strode off down the corridor, “Why did she poison us?”

Striding off down the corridor, the Doctor ignored Clara, instead muttering to himself as he quickly made his way back to the courtyard, sighing in relief when he saw the Tardis still there. Pushing open the doors, he bounded up the stairs, looking around the empty console room before pulling the monitor towards him and typing furiously into the keyboard.

“Doctor,” Clara panted as she followed him back inside, shutting the door behind her, “Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”

Still muttering under his breath, the Doctor finished typing into the keyboard and then stared up at the monitor, glaring at it before aiming a kick under the console “Fine then! Be like that!”

“Be like what? Doctor, what just happened?”

Sighing heavily, the Doctor ran a hand over his face before taking a deep breath and turning back round to face Clara. “Not quite sure. I think my… my wi… River _may _have intentionally, technically lightly drugged us and then locked us in a room. Not sure why. She can do that sort of thing. But then nothing seems to have happened on this planet in the meantime. No jewellery thefts, money heists, kidnappings. Nothing…”

“And that’s reassuring?!”

“Well, relatively speaking, yes.”

“So why did she do it?”

Ignoring Clara’s question, he continued, “But then she seems to have been on board the Tardis but she’s not here now as far as I can tell. And _she,_” he aimed another kick at the Tardis at this point, “won’t tell me where she’s gone.”

“She’s been here?”

“Yes I think so.”

“But, why?” Clara asked, looking puzzled, “And why would she want us out the way?”

“I don’t know,” the Doctor admitted with another sigh, leaning back against the console wearily, “I just don’t know.”

“Did you move her bag?” Clara suddenly asked, looking round the console.

“What?”

“Her bag, the one you were looking through before with that funny cup thing,” Clara explained, “Did you move it or did she take it?”

“No I left it there.”

“Well that’s what she was here for don’t you think?”

“Yes I suppose,” the Doctor mumbled, still frowning at Clara, “It just… I don’t know. Something feels… odd really.”

“You did say she does do this sort of thing,” Clara reasoned, “I mean it’s a bit extreme but I did think she seemed a bit, well, not _crazy _but you know, maybe a little bit mad – a bit like you..” she trailed off as he glared at her.

“I’m not mad! And I don’t go around poisoning people thank you,” he retorted indignantly.

“Why did she need to poison us though?” Clara asked in puzzlement, “Why couldn’t she have just asked you for the bag?”

“I don’t know,” the Doctor admitted, running his hands through his hair, “I don’t know at all?”

“Have you fallen our recently?” Clara asked casually as she leant back against the railing, “Maybe she’s mad at you?”

“What do you mean?” he replied slightly defensively, flinching slightly at her words.

“Well it’s not _normally _how you greet your husband and their friends is it?” Clara reasoned with a small laugh, “Drugging them unconscious and then stealing onboard their spaceship?!”

“You really don’t know my wife,” the Doctor muttered half to himself.

“Have you done anything particularly awful to her recently that she might be mad at you about?” she continued half-jokingly, not noticing as he winced slightly “Forgotten your anniversary? Ruined her favourite dress? Left her stranded somewhere awful?”

Turning suddenly pale at her words, the Doctor shuddered involuntarily, a look of anguish passing momentarily over his face as Clara looked over at him in confusion.

“Anyway, can’t you just go and find her and ask her what’s going on?” she asked, frowning at him, “I mean, if you’re married and all and you know where she is in her timeline? Where does she live?”

“It doesn’t work like that,” the Doctor sighed, “I told you, for me that’s all in the past. I can’t go and visit her now without crossing my timeline.”

“But she’s seeing you?”

“Clara, please, it’s… it’s not possible, I told you. And I can’t…I can’t…” he faltered, dropping his gaze down to floor as he fidgeted distractedly with one of the controls.

“You can’t what?” Clara prompted softly as he stared down at the floor.

“I can’t keep seeing her,” he eventually pleaded, his voice cracking as he dragged his eyes back up to meet hers in anguish.

“Oh Doctor,” Clara's expression turned to one of pity as he turned back away, hiding his face from her and hunching down over the console.

“Not after all this time. It’s too… it’s just too hard,” he half-whispered, bowing his head and bracing his arms on the console.

“I’m so sorry Doctor,” Clara murmured, wrapping an arm round his shoulders soothingly and leaning in to comfort him, “I didn’t realise it was so… that you were…I’m sorry…” she trailed off as he stayed hunched over, his eyes closed shut, “Maybe that’s it now though? She has her bag now and the timelines and everything will go back to how it was before now?”

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he opened his eyes before nodding and standing up straight. Schooling his expression and fixing a smile determinedly on his face, he turned to face Clara, pulling the monitor towards him as he did so. “Yes. Yes that’s probably it. Just a little timey glitch that’s all.”

“Timey glitch?!” Clara quirked an eyebrow disbelievingly at him.

“Yes yes, happens all the time,” the Doctor waved a hand dismissively in her direction before turning back to the monitor, “Right. Let’s go find an actual exciting planet anyway. What were we going to do before all this? Have I taken you to Space Florida yet?”

“Doctor are you sure?” Clara asked in concern at his abrupt change in mood, “If you’re not feeling in the mood for visiting anywhere then you can just drop me back if you like?”

“No of course not!” he exclaimed, pulling down one of the levers and sending the ship jerking sideways slightly, “I’m fine! I’m always fine!” he insisted as Clara frowned slightly at him before shrugging and grinning back at him, “So! Space Florida it is!”

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhh more angst... sorry (not THAT sorry!). hope you enjoy anyway...!


	8. dreams of loneliness

_Wandering down one of the Tardis corridors absently, River suddenly froze as she heard the Doctor tentatively call out her name. Opening her mouth to reply, she hesitated before quickly ducking into the door opposite her and closing the door quietly. Leaning back against the door, she let out a sigh as she closed her eyes and silently prayed for the Tardis to keep her location secret._

_Listening intently for footsteps, she let out a slow breath when she heard only silence and moved away from the door. She’d found herself in one of the small cosy living rooms with a couple of sofas, armchairs and a screen interface that could access pretty much any film, tv programme or media from most of the universe. She hadn’t spent that much time in here but there had been a few evenings now and then, sometimes on her own or with the Doctor and sometimes with her parents._

_Moving over to one of the sofas, River sank down slowly into one of them, tucking her feet up under her. She wasn’t avoiding him she told herself. She just wasn’t feeling strong enough to deal with him at that moment. Just a bit longer to herself, enough to compose herself and then she could go back out and distract him. Distract them both. Maybe they could even go for dinner somewhere. Or maybe not. Dinner would involve sitting. Sitting and talking._

_Looking around the small room, River caught sight of a scarf that was half tucked under one of the sofa cushions. Reaching over, she pulled it free and on to her lap. It was blue, one of her mother’s; likely abandoned during an evening of films or card games. Bringing it up slowly to her face, she breathed in the familiar smell of her perfume before quickly wrenching it away as a sudden wave of grief welled up from deep inside her. _

_Closing her eyes for a moment, she allowed herself to try and relax for just a moment. She was suddenly overwhelmingly exhausted. The past few weeks had taken their toll on her, as much as she’d tried to pretend otherwise both to herself and the Doctor. _

_“There you are,” Starting suddenly at the intrusion, River jerked her head round to face the doorway where her husband was hovering, fidgeting nervously with his cuffs, “I’ve been looking for you.”_

_“Sorry. I didn’t realise.”_

_“I called your name. I thought you…” he trailed off, looking anxiously over at her._

_“Oh, I didn’t hear you, sorry,” she lied, not quite meeting his eyes._

_Pushing off the doorframe, he moved hesitantly over to the sofa where she was sitting. Opening his mouth to speak, he suddenly paused as he caught sight of the scarf that was still in her lap, a pained look flashing across his face as he stared down at it. Reaching down slowly, he tentatively reached out to run a hand over the fabric_

_“Oh Pond. She got this ages ago in that little market just after we’d seen you at that museum exhibition on Cento. Well, we missed the exhibition but got caught down in that storeroom didn’t we…” he tailed off brokenly, absently rubbing a corner of the scarf between his finger and thumb. “She thought she’d lost it a while ago but it must have been here all along.”_

_Suppressing a shudder, River wrenched her eyes away from him and stood up abruptly, dislodging the scarf as she did so and turning to head towards the door. She couldn’t cope with this right now. She just needed some time alone. “I think I’m going to have a bath sweetie, my back is killing me.”_

_“Do you… do you want some company?”_

_“Sorry sweetie, I’m not really in the mood just now.”_

_“I didn’t…I didn’t mean like THAT,” he quickly spluttered, a slight pink tinge appearing on his cheeks, “I…just… we haven’t… I don’t feel like I’ve really seen you for days and I know you’ve been here but we haven’t really seen each other and…”_

_Staring at him as he tailed off, River resisted the urge to snap that she had been right here for the past few days but he had been too wrapped up in mourning the loss of her parents to bother noticing her. Too busy finding more unnecessary repairs to spend time on or doing endless laps of the pool to even think that she might need just a sliver of his attention._

_“Sorry Doctor, I just need…”_

“How’s the search going Profess… oh sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

“No no it’s ok, I wasn’t asleep,” jolting from her daydream, River blinked up at Ramone as he smiled at her.

“Too many long evenings in the library Professor Song!” he chided her gently.

“Sounds like the story of my life,” River replied airily, waving away his concerns, “Or death actually to be more accurate,” she muttered ironically under her breath, ignoring the slightly quizzical look Ramone gave her.

“You need to take care of yourself Professor,” Ramone frowned at her in concern.

“That’s very sweet of you,” she smiled back at him. He really was rather sweet she thought, sweet and considerate and totally dedicated to his work. And also very easy on the eye. Almost perfect really. Shame he wasn’t just a _tiny_ bit more interesting. “But I’m fine. I’m just a bit tired. Haven’t been sleeping that well recently.”

“Something on your mind?”

Smiling ruefully as Ramone took a seat at the desk across from her, River wondered idly what he would say if she told him the truth. Oh yes just a couple of things on my mind; I’m trying to track down the long lost pieces of an ancient amulet which appears to have disappeared almost without a trace, my husband seems to have finally gotten bored of our marriage after several hundred years and is gallivanting around the universe with a new pretty young thing, oh and I’ve recently been resurrected from the virtual dead and am learning how to live in a solid body again.

“Nothing important,” she lied, smiling at him again as he continued to fix her with a worried look, “I’ve just got a lot of work on at the moment.”

“Well if there’s anything I can do to help?”

“Thank you, but it's all fine really,” she shook her head.

“Anything you know, are you eating properly? Do you need dinner? I can make you dinner if you like?”

Looking up at his hopeful expression, River hesitated before shaking her head again reluctantly, “That is very kind, thank you. I just don’t think I’d be very good company at the moment.”

“Oh, well that’s alright,” Ramone’s face fell slightly, “Maybe another time?” he added hopefully as she smiled non-committedly, “Well I’m going to head off then Professor, make sure you don’t stay here too late.”

Watching as he gathered up his stack of books before retreating out the door, River sighed and leant back in her chair. Rubbing a hand over her tired eyes, she glanced down again at the texts she’d been studying. She should probably also call it a night if she was tired enough to be nearly falling asleep at her desk. Without meaning to, her mind turned back to the flashback she’d been having before Ramone disturbed her. She’d found herself reminiscing more and more recently without meaning to but that particular scene was niggling at her. Sighing again, she shook her head and stood to gather her things, mentally making a note of where exactly she’d got to in the book in front of her.

Starting suddenly as the scene replayed in her head, she dropped the book she’d just picked up. What had the Doctor said? Amy had got that scarf after they’d seen her at the museum on Cento. That was what was bothering her! She didn’t have her diary any more but she could have sworn that she had never been there before. She’d heard about it certainly. The museum on that planet was enormous and had an unparalleled collection of ornate and fabulous jewellery. They brought out some of their rarer and more expensive pieces for a rare public viewing only every hundred years or so.

Not only that though, but there had been a vague reference to them in one of the sources that she’d gone through from Atef but she’d set it aside initially as there didn’t seem to be any substance to it. Now however she had a time period to aim for if she was remembering correctly.

The only issue by the sounds of things was that she was about to run into a much younger version of her husband who still had her mother and quite possibly her father travelling with him as well. Stooping to pick up the book she’d dropped, she suppressed the flicker of excitement that ran through her at the thought of seeing the Doctor again. Picking the book up, she sat back down at her desk and fished in her bag for the thermos of coffee that was there. Now she knew where she was heading to next, she had better do some preparation.

\--

_Planet Cento, 37th century_

Humming softly to herself, River wandered down one of the corridors in the museum, idly taking in the elegant tapestries and paintings that adorned the walls. On reaching the end of the corridor, she paused to let a group of tourists go past her, pretending to check her map. Waiting until they had gone up the stairs, she glanced around to check the coast was clear before quickly ducking into a doorway just off to the left of the main stairwell. She sonicked open the lock and slipped inside, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Stopping inside the doorway, River paused to switch on her torch and pull out her scanner. According to the research she’d done in the past few weeks, the room she was looking for was nearby. The museum was due to hold one of its grand exhibitions in the coming days and many of the prize jewels had been moved from their safe locations to this storeroom in order to prepare them for display. At this time of day there should only be one, possibly two, security guards as well which should make her job easier.

Picking her way carefully in the torchlight, she paused when she came to a fork in the corridor. Peering at her scanner, she headed down the righthand fork for another few yards before coming to a halt at a small stairway heading down into the dark. Switching off her torch, she stashed it in her belt, taking out her blaster instead before beginning to soundlessly creep down the staircase.

Pausing at the bottom of the stairs to let her eyes adjust to the slight gloom, she then raised her blaster and peered around the corner. Perfect. There was just one guard by the door. Taking aim, she waited for a few moments until he turned his head slightly away before firing, aiming for the exposed part of his neck. Darting forward, she caught his body as he toppled over and lowered him slowly to the ground, being careful to avoid triggering any of the door alarms.

Rolling him over to one side, she quickly deactivated the alarms and unlocked the door with her sonic. Turning the door handle, she pushed open the heavy wooden door and stepped inside. Inside the room the walls were lined with glass display cabinets with various jewels and treasures. Glancing at them briefly, River walked past them a little reluctantly. Today was not a shopping trip for herself alas.

“Ah ha. There you are,” she murmured to herself as she caught sight of a small table at one end of the room. The top of the table was completely encased in a protective glass dome, behind which sat a large beautiful ruby red pendant on a small cushion.

Smiling to herself, she quickly set to work. First, she scanned the glass to check for any further alarms before pulling out a small can of solvent spray and spraying a small circle in the glass. Watching carefully, she smiled in satisfaction as the small area that she’d sprayed slowly dissolved to leave a hole in the glass just large enough for her to put her hand through and grab the pendant. Stashing it safely away in her pocket, she pulled out a replica she’d brought with her and replaced it behind the glass. Then she took the spray can, turned the nozzle around 180 degrees and sprayed the same area. This time a thin film appeared over the hole immediately which hardened and then turned to solid glass over the course of a minute, leaving no trace that anything had happened to the glass at all.

Pocketing her tools, River turned to head back to the door but suddenly froze as she heard voices coming from the corridor, her hand automatically going to her blaster.

“Doctor, what’s happened? Is he dead?” at the sound of Amy’s concerned voice from the other side of the door, River stiffened. She’d known this was going to happen. She knew she was supposed to see her mother again at least. She’d been mentally trying to prepare herself for this moment for the last few weeks but now it was actually here she was suddenly shaking like a leaf.

“No, I don’t think so,” she could hear the Doctor’s voice as he scanned the guard.

Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, she relaxed the grip on her blaster and self-consciously fluffed her hair before turning deliberately away from the door to nonchalantly peer at one of the display cabinets just as the door opened.

“Hello is any… oh!”

Turning slowly back to face him, River grinned at him, taking in his shocked expression as he stood in the open doorway. Oh he was young! So young. She hadn’t seen him this fresh-faced since the Byzantium. Well this should at least stop him asking too many awkward questions about timelines.

“What’s going on Doc.. oh! River! Hello!” Amy stopped short in the doorway beside the Doctor.

“Hello Amy, hello sweetie!”

“River,” the Doctor spluttered in surprise, still staring at her, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh you know. Nothing much. Just a bit of window shopping,” she quipped, nodding at the rows of display cabinets, grinning as his expression turned from shock to outrage.

“Window shopping?” Amy frowned in confusion as she wandered over to the cabinets next to River, “Oh I see!” she laughed as she turned back to River who was continuing to peruse the elaborate jewellery on display. “Nice outfit by the way!” she added with a grin, nodding at River’s tight black trousers, black boots and fitted black shirt and bodice with a rather plunging neckline. “Very…ummm, stealthy?”

“Thank you dear,” River flashed a grin at her before giving her a conspiratorial wink and nodding over at the Doctor, “It’s one of his favourites!” she added in a mock whisper, watching in delight as the Doctor whipped his head round to stare at her, his eyes roaming down her body and back up again, lingering on her neckline before he caught himself and turned away, muttering under his breath as he blushed furiously.

Stifling a laugh, River gave him a moment or two to compose himself before sauntering over to him. As painful as some of the meetings with the younger versions of her husband had always been, she could not honestly say she did not still delight in teasing and flustering him. She was certainly not going to pass up on possibly her very last opportunity to do so. Anyway, she hadn’t worn her actual catsuit this time so he should be grateful for that. She could still remember the expression on his face when he’d first seen her in that. He’d looked like he’d choked on his own tongue. Although she also remembered he'd become signficantly more coherent about its merits later that night in the privacy of their bedroom.

“So, what are you doing here then Doctor?” she nudged his shoulder gently as he peered intently at an elaborate silver tiara in one of the cabinets, “I’m not sure that would really suit you sweetie,” she teased as he glanced back at her, clearly making an effort to not let his eyes stray below her face, “Wrong colour palette!”

“We just thought we’d come and see all these before they get locked away again for another few decades,” he ignored her second comment and gestured vaguely at the cabinet in front of him.

“He said he was taking me to this big fancy exhibition here to see all this amazing jewellery and stuff. But he’s landed us here too early!” Amy cut in archly from the other side of the room as River grinned at her.

“Oh, he does that all the time!”

“Well you can see them here!” The Doctor protested, gesturing around the room, “And this is better anyway, no crowds!”

Arching an eyebrow at him, River shared a knowing grin with Amy across the room as the Doctor pointedly ignored them both.

“I thought you said we’d see you at the Pandorica though when we last saw you?” Amy asked curiously as she wandered back over to them both.

“Ah yes, younger me,” River explained as the Doctor turned back to look at her with interest, “Hadn’t done this yet. Probably don’t mention it when you next see me. Spoilers and all.”

“So what are you really doing here?” the Doctor asked, crossing his arms and leaning against one of the cabinets, “And what did you do to that guard?”

“Why do you assume it was me?!” River gasped in mock outrage at him as he raised an eyebrow disbelievingly at her.

“Well I suppose he wasn’t covered in lipstick?” he muttered.

“Jealous are we Doctor?” River winked at him as he glared at her, “He’s just stunned. He’ll be fine in a couple of hours; bit of a headache probably, bruised ego, nothing serious.”

“So what are you doing here then?” he asked again.

“Just some research for a project I’m working on.”

“Why didn’t you just come to the exhibition?” he frowned at her in confusion, leaning in towards her fractionally, “And why did you stun the guard?”

“As you said, easier to see without all the crowds,” she replied evenly, “Not as many interruptions. Very important for research.”

The Doctor stared at her for a few moments, clearly trying to make up his mind whether or not to press her any further, before shaking his head, his lips turning up slightly in a small smile that he didn’t try too hard to repress. “So, do we need to do…” he gestured between them as she raised an eyebrow questioningly at him, “Diaries?” he blurted out quickly as a blush threated his cheeks again “Don’t we need to check or… or find out where we are?”

Biting her bottom lip in amusement, River watched him for a moment or so before taking pity on him. She’d forgotten quite how adorable he was this young when he was so clearly fascinated by who she was and would be to him. A part of her thrilled to experience it again but at the same time she couldn’t help the pang of loss that shot through her knowing he no longer looked at her like that. She was no longer his mysterious future lover who flitted in and out of his life but just his boring old wife with all of her riddles and secrets long since puzzled out.

“Oh I think I know where you are Doctor. You’ve just done the Byzantium haven’t you?” River smiled at him as he nodded “I’m a little bit further ahead now. No longer in Stormcage,” she added, watching as his expression clouded slightly before he schooled his features to quickly fix a smile back at her. She had always tried not to let herself wonder about that expression on his face previously. He must have thought he had hidden it from her but she had always been able to read him.

Just as he opened his mouth to reply however, they suddenly heard footsteps approaching and voices from the other side of the door.

“I think that might be my cue to leave,” River sighed as the Doctor looked round at the door in alarm, “Fancy a lift?” she added, holding up her wrist to show him her vortex manipulator, grinning when his eyes lit up.

“Come along Pond,” he called, reaching out to grab Amy’s hand before linking his other arm through River’s as she pressed one of the buttons on the device, “Hold on tight.”

“Why, what are we..URGHHHH,” staggering slightly as they vanished and then reappeared outside the museum, Amy shook her head and stared up at the building that they’d just left, “What was _that_? What happened?”

“Vortex manipulator. Budget time travel device,” The Doctor explained, straightening his lapels as River rolled her eyes at him, “Nasty things. Highly illegal”

“All the best things are sweetie,” River drawled playfully at him, “You’ll see!” she added with a wink as he flushed slightly.

Clearing his throat self-consciously, the Doctor ignored that comment and Amy’s amused expression and pointedly walked over to a nearby tourist map.

“Ooh look there’s model village! How about that Pond?” he exclaimed excitedly, turning back to gesture at Amy who gave him a very unimpressed look, “Ok maybe not… Ooh what about this, there’s… oh, are you leaving?”

River looked up from typing new coordinates into her vortex manipulator to find him staring at her. “I should get going really Doctor. I need to get back to this project,” she replied softly as he walked back towards her, “Besides, model villages aren’t really my scene!”

“Oh… yes of course…” he replied, sounding disappointed as he fidgeted with one of his cuffs, “Well this was… nice. Very nice.”

“As always Doctor.”

“I suppose I’ll just be seeing you around in that case,” he mumbled awkwardly, swaying towards her slightly as if he wanted to lean in and touch her but just wasn’t sure how.

Resisting the urge to reach out and touch him, she reluctantly finished typing in the coordinates. As her hand hovered over the vortex manipulator, River opened her mouth to say goodbye before hesitating for a moment. Was she really going to just disappear after only a few minutes? This might be the last time she saw this younger version of her husband and would certainly be the last time she saw Amy. She’d told herself she would only spend as little time with them as she needed on this trip but now she was here was she just going to disappear again? Surely she was emotionally resilient enough to cope with this. With snatching just a few more moments with him?

“Well I suppose I could stay a little bit longer…” she lowered her hand slowly, watching as his face lit up in delight and trying to stop the surge of warmth that flooded through her as he gazed elatedly at her and clapped his hands together in excitement. Oh her traitorous hearts. She wasn't even nearly resilient enough for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the delay in getting this chapter up. hope you enjoy the bonus Amy Pond and younger Doctor though!


	9. can I sail through the changing ocean tides?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been a while. hope there aren't too many errors in this but it's late here and I just want to post this! will fix any glaring ones later...

_New Oxford University_

Groaning in frustration, River flung the book she’d been studying down on the desk. Sitting back in her chair, she glared at the book in question as she contemplated giving in for the evening for about the twentieth time that hour. It had been over a year since she’d found the last piece of the amulet. Since then it had been months of solid research in the university archives. Well, several months punctuated by the odd trip out to blow off steam at a party or casino. Still, she hadn’t lived this linearly in a long long time and the sensation was still faintly unnerving to her.

She’d become extremely discouraged around six months in and had disappeared for a couple of weeks. She’d found herself in the middle of a bloody civil war on a planet in the next galaxy and had spent two months helping save many priceless archaeological relics as well as organising the odd counter-attack here and there.

She’d half made up her mind while she was there to abandon the whole searching for the amulet project, or at least put it on some kind of hiatus. However, when she’d returned to her rooms in New Oxford, she’d had the distinct sensation that someone had been there while she was away. Nothing had been stolen but things had definitely been moved and she was certain that her desk had been searched. Given the high security measures that she had in place around her lodgings, this meant that whoever had broken in had some extremely advanced technology. The three pieces of the amulet she had found so far had not been touched but since then she had moved them to a high-security vault on one of the nearby asteroids.

She had no proof that this visit was anything to do with this task that she’d agreed but something in her gut was telling her that they were related. She’d had no contact from anyone since finding that mysterious package of documents in that dismal bar just after she had returned from the Library. However, if someone had enough of a vested interest in her to resurrect her from a giant computer, then this mystery task she was doing was probably a bit more important to them than just a giant orienteering game for her.

The few scraps information she had managed to dig up on the Harsk in the last few months, from the few books she’d found in the Tardis and from Atef’s research, had given her a bit of insight into who she thought she was dealing with but she still couldn’t quite place the location of what she thought might be the final piece of the amulet. The research trail she had been pursuing over the past few weeks appeared now to be a complete dead end which meant that the last few weeks had been a total waste. Loath as she was to admit it, River was starting to run out of ideas of where to look next.

Sighing again, she glared at the book for a moment longer before picking up her tablet and idling scrolling through her latest emails. There was yet another one from Professor Francis, pleading with her to give a talk at an upcoming conference. Glancing briefly at the email, she made to delete it before pausing for a moment, her hand hovering over the tablet and instead read over the contents of the email once more.

The invitation was to speak at the Pangalactic Society for Archaeology conference. This was the biggest archaeology conference in the nearest ten galaxies and was only held every fifteen years. This year was a particularly large conference as it was the 300th anniversary of the inaugural conference so would be attracting a particularly eminent crowd. Perhaps if she were to give a talk then she could appeal for help in finding the next piece of the amulet. Frankly it was the best idea she had at the moment and maybe she’d unearth some inspiration from somewhere.

Nodding to herself, she quickly typed out a reply to Professor Francis accepting the offer and telling him she would make her own travel arrangements. The last time she had made the mistake of going by university-sponsored spacecraft she had nearly been driven to homicide by having to share a cabin with a particularly flatulent elderly professor. Satisfied that she now had a plan, she quickly cleared away the rest of the papers on her desk. A plan was in place, she now certainly deserved the rest of the evening off and a well-earned drink or two.

\--

_Three weeks later. _ _Conference planetoid gamma-epsilon-467_

“Professor where do you want all these bags?”

“Oh if you could take them up to my rooms Ramone, thank you!” River smiled winningly at him as he shouldered the two large bags that had just arrived by freight liner. She had wanted to bring along some of her latest research but hadn’t quite trusted it to arrive intact with her so had sent it on ahead by normal transport.

She’d arrived a couple of days ago and had spent the time doing some sightseeing as well as a little bit of networking with other conference guests. The Society had really pushed the boat out for the conference this time. They’d hired one of the purpose-built conference mega-planetoids. These were huge structures with enormous lecture halls and display rooms, all kitted out with the latest interactive technology. There was also a vast almost resort-style living complex with entertainment venues, bars, even a mini-theme park as well as accommodation for thousands of conference visitors.

Watching as Ramone eventually staggered into one of the lifts with her luggage, she gave him a little wave of encouragement as the doors closed. Ramone had very helpfully volunteered to come along with her on this trip and had arrived very fortuitously at the same time as all her luggage.

She should probably buy him a drink later to say thank you she mused as she wandered back down into the main atrium of the complex. At least he seemed to have accepted she wasn’t going to go on an actual date with him any time soon. She had vaguely contemplated it at one point several months ago but had since decided that was too complicated to get into. Once upon a time she may have had her fun with him and even wiped his memory if he got a bit too clingy afterwards but she found she couldn’t really bring herself to even do that at the moment.

Shaking her head to dispel those thoughts, she turned back to head down to the entertainment complex, there was usually a free bar of some description at these type of events and she was rather an expert at sniffing them out if she did say so herself.

\--

“So what’s the plan today then Doctor?”

Grinning slightly manically, the Doctor spun back around the console before clapping his hands together in delight. “Oh Clara Oswald have I got a treat for you!”

“Ooh really?!”

“Yes indeed! Prepare to be wowed,” he declared as he pulled one of the levers on the console decisively down and the Tardis shuddered to a halt.

“Are you going to let us out the door this time?” Clara asked archly as she followed him as he bounded down the stairs, “I really wanted to see ancient Egypt you know.”

“No no Clara, that’s all boring,” he hushed her as he paused with his hand on the door handle before leaning in and lowering his voice dramatically, “But this… this will blow your socks off!”

Unable to stop herself from grinning back at him, Clara skipped passed him as he finally flung the door open for her with a flourish before suddenly stopping short just outside the doors. “Err Doctor, is this it…”

“Oh no no no!” the Doctor cried as he stepped out behind Clara and looked around at what appeared to be a large food court with lots of people milling around and queueing for food holding their trays.

“I mean this seems nice but I think we have these back on Earth.”

“No this wasn’t meant to be it,” the Doctor muttered to himself as he spun round on the spot before accosting a passing info-drone. “Excuse me, can you tell me where we are?”

“Welcome guest,” the drone intoned, “This is the 3rd largest conference planetoid in the galaxy. If you need help accessing your accommodation or the lecture halls please see the main reception area on the ground floor. We apologise that the theme park is out of action for today. We hope to rectify this shortly. We do hope you enjoy your stay and that you have everything you need.”

“A conference planetoid?” Clara asked, looking unimpressed.

“Yes they’ve got loads of them around this part of the galaxy, convenient for some of the big universities,” the Doctor explained grumpily, a small frown creasing his brow as he scanned the hall again, “Hmm, well, this wasn’t quite where I was aiming but let’s try again.”

“Umm Doctor, did you lock the Tardis?” Clara rattled the door handle and looked back at him in confusion.

“Of course not, just push the handle!”

“I am!” Clara retorted, “it’s not opening.”

Sighing, the Doctor turned back towards the Tardis and pushed the door expecting it to open. “What are you doing?” he muttered under his breath as the door stayed stubbornly closed and he rattled the handle just as Clara had done.

“Doctor are we locked out?” Clara asked in some concern.

“No, no of course not,” he smiled reassuringly at her before turning back to glare at the door and mutter again at the solid wood, “Come on now, don’t do this to me here. Let me back in.”

“It sounds as though we’re locked out.”

“We are _not _locked out,” he replied through gritted teeth as he rattled the handle again to no avail, “She’s just being awkward today.”

Rolling her eyes at him, Clara unfolded her arms and looked around before setting off purposefully for the large staircase at the other end of the hall.

“Well you can stay and _not _be locked out but I’m going to explore,” she called out over her shoulder.

“Wait! Clara! It might not be safe, you don’t know what…”

“Safe?!” she scoffed at him as he hurried along after her, “Doctor it’s a conference planet. It’s probably about the most safe and boring place you ever taken me! Come on, let’s at least go find out what this conference is about.”

Making their way down the main staircase, they found themselves in a large atrium with a huge ornate vaulted roof. A crowd of people had gathered at the other end and seemed to be making their way into one of the big lecture halls that led off from the atrium.

Reluctantly following Clara as she marched over towards the crowd, the Doctor silently cursed the Tardis yet again for not letting them back in and stranding them here. Glancing around, he almost didn’t notice that Clara had stopped abruptly until he nearly walked straight into the back of her.

“Doctor. What’s that?” she asked, pointing at the large 3-D display screen next to the entrance to the hall where the hologram of an elderly man wearing academic robes was being displayed.

“Oh it’s just a holographic display,” he explained, glancing up briefly before looking around distractedly, “Probably just showing who’s speaking at the next lecture.”

“Yes I got that,” Clara replied with some exasperation, “So why is it showing your wife?”

Whipping his head back round, the Doctor stared in disbelief as the hologram slowly changed to reveal an image of his wife standing holding a textbook in one hand, a slight smirk on her face.

Walking over to the display slowly as if in a daze, he suddenly grabbed hold of another guest’s arm as they tried to hurry by and into the lecture hall.

“Could you tell me…this isn’t an archaeology conference is it by any chance?”

The man whose arm he had grabbed looked at him in astonishment before bursting out laughing, “It’s not _an_ archaeology conference. It’s THE archaeology conference!”

“Oh just wonderful,” the Doctor muttered under his breath, “You really couldn’t have stranded me anywhere else. Anywhere else in the universe could you.”

“Yes it really is wonderful,” the other man nodded enthusiastically, “Biggest archaeology conference this side of the galaxy. I’ve been looking forward to this one for ages.”

“Well you did say you had a treat in store for me eh Doctor!” Clara piped up, an amused look on her face.

“Sorry, if you excuse me I’d better get going,” the other man apologised as the Doctor turned to glare at Clara, “I think this panel is about to start and I don’t want to miss it. I can’t believe they’ve managed to get Professor Song to speak,” he added excitedly, not noticing as the Doctor winced, “I’ve got all her books you know. She’s brilliant.”

“Yes, yes she really is,” the Doctor mumbled to himself as the other man scurried off towards the lecture hall.

“Doctor…” Clara said cautiously as he continued to stare wistfully at the hologram, “Doctor, should we…wait, where are you going?” she called as he suddenly whirled round and headed back towards the staircase.

“We’re leaving. Come on.”

“But… the Tardis…”

“She’ll open up. We are not staying.”

“Doctor! I am not leaving!” Clara called out in frustration, watching as he froze before turning back to face her.

“Clara, please we have to…”

“Doctor, the Tardis clearly brought you here and refused to let you leave again for a reason. Do you not think it a tiny little bit of a coincidence that your wife happens to be speaking in that very next room?”

“Clara, no I can’t…it’s been too long and I…”

“Well I am going in there,” Clara announced firmly, interrupting his pleading, “Maybe I’ll really like archaeology, you never know.” Turning on her heel, she marched off purposefully towards the door of the lecture hall.

“Wait… Clara, wait you can’t…”

Catching up with her in a few long strides just as she got to the door, the Doctor caught hold of her on the arm.

“Doctor let go of me, I’m going in!” she insisted crossly as he held tight on to her arm, “Aren’t you just a little bit curious?” she added more softly as a look of anguish passed over his face as he glanced up at the door, “Come on” she urged as he relaxed his grip slightly, “We can sit at the back. She doesn’t even have to know you’re here.”

\--

“…and that, my learned friends, is why one should _always _take _extreme _caution when excavating on this type of terrain...”

“Pshhh caution, sounds _terribly _boring!” River interrupted the other professor on the stage and threw a wink at the audience which got the obligatory chuckle as he sighed and glared at her before continuing his tale of caution.

Leaning back in her chair, she glanced round at the lecture theatre, peering up into rows of seats that were packed with conference guests. She’d insisted on a place in the headline conference panel discussion to try and get the biggest audience possible and luckily they’d obliged her without any objection at all. It had actually been quite fun, she had shut herself away for too many months now and had forgotten that she quite liked to flex her academic muscles as well as taunt some of her more, shall we say, traditionally-minded colleagues at the same time.

Tuning back in to what another of the professors was saying, she suddenly pricked up her ears.

“…no you see this type of talk is exactly what stirs up these rumours in the first place. The next thing you know you have a situation like the one with the lost amulet of Vraxos. Total myth and yet hundreds of hours spent pointlessly looking…”

“Ah yes but except that isn’t a myth,” River interjected suddenly.

Sighing dramatically, the elderly professor who was chairing the panel turned to fix River with a withering look as she smiled back at him. “Of course it is a myth Professor Song. You aren’t telling me that you are one of these amulet-chasers are you?”

“I have very good evidence that it is no myth,” she replied confidently.

“Oh really, pray do tell?”

“I shall write it up and publish in due course but…”

“Well isn’t that convenient,” he interrupted her sarcastically.

Ignoring him, River continued smoothly, “Although I still have some primary field research left to do. I’m planning a trip to the tombs of Antos soon which should help.”

“The tombs of Antos?” he looked at her in confusion, “But there’s no evidence at all to suggest that any piece of the amulet was ever found there?”

“No evidence until now!” River grinned back at him, suddenly pulling a very old scroll from her bag, “I found this just a week ago in the archives at New Oxford. It’s a translation of one the earliest descriptions of the excavation of Antos and I think it shows that there…”

“Wrong!” a voice suddenly called out from the back of the lecture hall.

Peering up into the darkness of the lecture hall seating, the other professor glared around before barking, “Questions from the audience at the end please! Now, I think we’ve had enough of quaint speculation. Let’s move on to the final part of this discussion…”

Sitting back in her seat, River let the snide remark go as she tuned out the discussion around her. Resisting the urge to lean forward, she scanned the crowd as best she could given that the stage lights only let her see the front few rows of the audience clearly. She knew that voice however. It had unmistakeably been the voice of none other than the Doctor.

Suddenly feeling a wave of nausea pass over her, River fought it off as best she could, waiting for the final few questions from the panel to finish before abruptly standing up and quickly making her way off the stage and out the back of the hall through a small side door.

Leaning against the wall outside, she leant her head back against the cool brick and closed her eyes. What on earth was he doing here? And why now? And where was he? She hadn’t seen him for over a year since running into the younger version of him with Amy and had told herself that that really was the very last time she would see him. She’d almost convinced herself that she was alright with that. Told herself time and time over that she would eventually be over him. That she was starting a new life, one where she wasn’t constantly searching the crowd just in case he was there, somewhere out there in the universe, also looking to fill the loneliness that sometimes threatened to overwhelm her.

“Professor Song? Are you alright?”

Starting suddenly, she opened her eyes to find Ramone looking at her in concern.

“Yes I’m fine,” she said hurriedly, pasting a smile on her face, “Stage lighting, just got a bit hot up there that’s all.”

“Oh, that’s alright then,” he replied, looking relieved, “Do you want a drink of water or something?”

“No I’ll be alright in a moment,” she shook her head, waving away the bottle of water he was offering and ran a hand quickly over face before pushing herself away from the wall and making to head back into the lecture hall. “Thank you Ramone, but I should probably get...”

Stopping abruptly as the door opened again and she suddenly found herself face to face with her husband for the first time in over a year.

“River,” he breathed, staring at her, his fingers suddenly twitching by his sides as if he wanted to touch her but wasn’t sure if she would let him.

“Professor Song!”

“Doctor, Clara!” River shook herself slightly and forced herself to smile at her husband and his companion who had appeared next to him, “What are you doing here?”

“Err we, well we just wanted to…”

“The Tardis landed us here,” Clara explained with a knowing look at the Doctor, “Then she locked us out.”

Sighing internally at the persistence of her other mother in trying to throw the Doctor at her, River smiled wanly at the other two. “Oh well that makes more sense. I thought you’d finally developed a taste for academic archaeology Doctor!”

“River, why are you looking for the lost amulet of Vraxos?” the Doctor asked insistently, a worried look suddenly appearing on his face and ignoring her comment about archaeology.

“I’m writing a paper on it,” River said innocently as he frowned back at her, looking unconvinced, “No one else has looked into it for years. What did you mean about that scroll being wrong about the tombs of Antos by the way?” she added quickly as he looked about to ask her something else, “I know that was you shouting out in the hall.”

Looking only slightly guilty, the Doctor hesitated slightly before replying slowly, his eyes not leaving River’s face, “It’s a mistranslation of the original source. It’s not talking about the tombs of Antos, it’s talking about the Antusians.”

“Ohh,” River exhaled softly as realisation dawned, “But that means…” she broke off as the Doctor nodded reluctantly.

“Sorry, nope, not following here!” Clara broke in, holding up her hands in confusion as she looked back and forth between the Doctor and River who were still staring at each other.

“The Antusians are a highly violent and secretive race,” the Doctor explained, sighing heavily and finally turning back to glance at her, “They also hoard treasure from other species and guard it heavily so if the amulet _does _exist then a piece of it could well be there.”

“Probably _is _there,” River corrected him.

“But it would be _very dangerous and stupid _to go there in the first place,” he continued with a pointed glare back at River who just grinned back at him.

“Oh Doctor,” she laughed, “You say that like it’s going to put me off!”

“River you can’t just…”

“Of course I can! Thank you for the tip-off sweetie,” she winked at him before turning to face Ramone who was standing watching the whole exchange with an expression of bemusement on his face. “How do you fancy a quick field trip Ramone?”

“Field trip?” the Doctor snapped, looking round and suddenly noticing Ramone for the first time.

“Field trip?” Ramone repeated warily.

“Yes, a research field trip,” River explained airily as she fished in her pocket for her vortex manipulator, “I’ll even put your name on the paper, should do wonders for your career!”

“Oh ok then Professor, should I go get…”

“River this isn’t one of your usual jewellery heists,” the Doctor hissed, cutting Ramone off mid-sentence and stalking over to her, “You can’t just waltz in there and out again and expect to get away with it. You need to take this seriously.”

“I am being serious Doctor!” River retorted indignantly, “And I can take care of myself thank you very much, I’ve been doing that for quite a long time if you hadn’t noticed,” she added with a touch of bitterness, “We’ll be fine. Now come on Ramone.”

“No…wait…River…”

“Doctor, I am going, with or without your blessing I’m afraid,” River glared at him in exasperation.

“No, I know that but I just want…We’ll go with you!” he exclaimed suddenly, his expression abruptly lighting up as River looked up at him in surprise.

“What?!” Clara looked up in alarm.

“We’ll go with you!” he repeated enthusiastically as River looked at him suspiciously.

“Doctor you don’t have to…”

“Please River,” he cut her off softly, watching as she frowned back at him “Let me come with you.”

Hesitating for another moment or so, River shrugged before letting herself nod slowly, watching as a grin broke out over the Doctor’s face. Smiling back at him and trying to ignore the warm giddy feeling bubbling up inside her, she glanced over at Ramone who was still wearing an expression of total befuddlement. “So, Ramone, I bet you haven’t been in a Tardis before have you?!”

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy! finally some Eleven/River adventuring to come in the next chapter!
> 
> If you want some extra Eleven/River in the meantime then I posted this - was going to be in this fic but I deleted it and rewrote it instead!
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/22089847


	10. Lightning strikes, maybe once, maybe twice

Breathing in deeply, River closed her eyes briefly and tuned in to the comforting hum of the Tardis as she trailed a hand absent-mindedly over the wall of the corridor. Fairly unsurprisingly, when they had all returned to the Tardis en masse, the doors had opened without any problem whatsoever leading the Doctor to mutter darkly under his breath about treacherous ships and clear favourites. His initial enthusiasm for accompanying her on this trip seemed to have evaporated pretty quickly and he now seemed to be completely regretting his decision. Since they’d arrived back in the Tardis he’d retreated into a sullen silence punctuated by monosyllabic replies to Clara’s questions and the odd suspicious glare in Ramone’s direction.

Ramone himself had been understandably flabbergasted on entering the Tardis and River had quickly offered to usher him to one of the guest bedrooms so he could freshen up and compose himself. It had also given her the chance to escape her increasingly grumpy husband. Or whoever he was these days.

Re-entering the console room, she caught sight of the Doctor on the other side of the console typing something into the monitor and determinedly avoiding her gaze, Clara seemed to have also disappeared as the room was otherwise empty. Steeling herself, she forced a smile onto her face before heading over to join him by the monitor. As soon as they could set off and get on their way then the sooner this whole thing would be over and they could both go their separate ways once more. She ignored the nagging thought at the back of her mind that was telling her she had this very thought on more than one occasion in the past couple of years but fate kept finding a way to throw her and the Doctor in each other’s paths.

“So, when are we aiming for then?” she asked, forcing herself to sound cheery and ignoring the way he flinched slightly as she approached. Clearly the idea of spending time with her was less and less appealing as the minutes went by.

“End of the 29th century,” he replied shortly, keeping his eyes firmly on the screen.

“Wasn’t that the famous coronation feast of the emperor? The one that ended in a massacre of half the royal family?” River frowned as she peered at the screen.

“Err no, that was the 32nd century.”

“Ah.”

“There’s a big celebration at the end of the 29th century to celebrate the diamond jubilee of this particular emperor,” the Doctor explained curtly, “It should be a bit less blood-thirsty than at other times, it’s been relatively stable for several decades.”

“Sounds sensible,” River smiled at him as he continued to jab away at the monitor and not look at her.

“Obviously it all descends into chaos and war again in about fifty years’ time anyway,” he muttered moodily at the screen.

Biting on her lip to keep herself from snapping at him, River took a deep breath, “Oh well maybe I’d better drive in that case!” she quipped light-heartedly, “Make sure we arrive at the right time.”

Harrumphing at her remark, the Doctor didn’t bother to reply but just muttered something under his breath and made to turn away to the other side of the console.

Gritting her teeth, River clenched her fists and tried to resist the urge to slap him. “Doctor if you don’t want to come along then just drop us off. We’ll be fine.”

“What? No of course we’re coming,” he waved a hand dismissively in her direction while peering at something that definitely didn’t need fiddling with on the console.

“Well can you stop acting like I’m forcing you against your will,” she snapped, finally losing patience with his behaviour. Honestly, he hadn’t acted this petulantly around her since he was nine hundred or so and quite frankly she was not in the mood to deal with it now. He'd put her through enough of this when he was younger, it seemed very cruel to put her through it all over again. “I seem to recall this trip was your idea in the first place.”

“Yes well I didn’t think it would be a group trip,” he muttered sulkily, still refusing to look up at her.

“What do you mean?” River frowned at him in confusion watching as he darted a glare towards the corridor where Ramone had disappeared down.

“Nothing…doesn’t matter…” he dismissed.

Watching as he dropped his gaze back down to the console and viciously jabbed at one of the buttons, River laughed suddenly as the penny dropped. “Ohh!”

“Hmmm?”

“So you’re the only one that’s allowed to bring along an attractive companion is that right Doctor?” she laughed again, the feeling of dread that had settled in her stomach now lifting as she realised why he had been acting so moodily.

“What do you mean?” he retorted indignantly, finally looking up at her.

“You’re jealous!”

“What?! No, River, I…I am NOT jealous.”

Raising an eyebrow at him in amusement as he spluttered in reply, River turned back to look at the monitor and peered at the coordinates he’d entered, grinning to herself as she did so. “If you say so sweetie,” she murmured, watching out the corner of her eye as he fiddled with something on the console a moment longer before wandering back towards her.

“Since when did you have a _research _assistant anyway?” he asked petulantly as River shot him an amused glance.

“Some of us have actual jobs you know, not just swanning round the universe!”

“Hmph. Well why does he have to tag along?”

“Well it is a research trip Doctor!” she replied pointedly.

“You haven’t needed an assistant previously,” he persisted, clearly still not able to let the subject drop.

“Of course I have!” River corrected him, trying to supress a grin as he looked even more put out if possible. She'd forgotten just how much she enjoyed it when he got all possessive and jealous and she was damned if she was going to totally correct him about any suspicions he may have regarding Ramone.

“But! I haven’t met them!” he retorted peevishly.

“Oh Doctor, I have lived a rather long time,” River laughed, as he winced slightly at that, “There are a few things that you don’t know about me still I’m afraid.”

Looking up at her for a long moment, he opened his mouth as if to speak before closing it again, having obviously decided not to pursue that line of thought. “We haven’t done diaries,” he said instead, frowning slightly and patting down his coat pockets to try and find his diary, “Sorry, it’s been… it’s been a while since I saw you…”

“Me too sweetie,” River replied softly, feeling something inside her tug violently on her heartstrings as he finally pulled out his very battered and very old diary and began to carefully turn the pages.

“Hmm clearly after that,” he muttered to himself, “And that. Oh and you’ve met Clara haven’t you so…”

“Hmmm well that might be spoilers I suppose. You were very young last time I saw you though,” River interrupted quickly, suddenly realising she didn’t want to go into detail about the last time she’d seen this version of him when she’d ended up drugging both him and Clara. That and she didn’t want to draw attention to the fact she didn’t have her diary any more. “I ran into both you and Amy in that museum vault on Cento.”

Pausing for a moment, the Doctor looked up from leafing through his diary, the frown that had been creasing his forehead softening slightly as recalled that day. “That was a long time ago for me,” he breathed softly, holding her gaze as she smiled wistfully back at him, “It was just me and… me and Amy… Rory he… well actually I think he was technically dead at that point.”

“Well he did make a bit of a habit of that didn’t he,” River laughed softly, watching as his fond expression clouded over slightly.

“I still miss them you know,” he half-whispered after a moment or two, glancing down at the diary and then back up to meet her eyes.

“I know sweetie,” River sighed softly, biting her lip gently as she stared into his eyes, “I do as well.”

Moving closer to her so his shoulder was brushing hers, he tentatively reached out a hand to gently cover one of hers that lay on the console. “It’s not just them I miss you know”, he added softly, his eyes dropping briefly down to their hands as he ran his thumb gently over the back of her hand.

“Doctor you don’t have…” River inhaled sharply, her hand tingling from their simple contact, torn between the urge to pull away from him and shield her battered hearts from further damage or lean in further and further. But who knows where that would lead her? It had been so long since she’d simply _touched_ him after all.

“No, River I know I’ve been a terrible husband,” he rushed on, oblivious to her inner turmoil, “There’s so much I’ve done to you and I never said this enough but I do…I miss you…so much…sometimes I…”

“Oh sweetie,” River breathed softly as he faltered, an anguished look crossing over his face as he looked down again at their hands. Ignoring the rational voice in her head telling her to walk away, she leaned in closer towards him, turning her hand over underneath his to lace their fingers together.

“River I…”

“Doctor, has the wardrobe moved again?”

Clara’s voice suddenly rang out from the corridor and both the Doctor and River suddenly pulled apart, River quickly removing her hand and turning back to the monitor as Clara appeared in the console room.

“Umm, possibly,” the Doctor replied absently, scratching his head bashfully as he glanced back up at River, “Have you tried the 3rd floor corridor?”

“Yes. And the swimming pool, and the squash courts,” Clara sighed “Although what do I need to wear for these Antusians?” I’m assuming the miniskirt isn’t really appropriate?”

“Err well…”

“Actually Doctor I was wondering about this plan,” River cut in suddenly, frowning up at the monitor.

“What, that it’s madness and far too dangerous? Good, let’s go to Space Vegas instead,” he replied hopefully.

Rolling her eyes at him in amusement, River shook her head. “Sorry sweetie not that. However, I was wondering whether a quick detour first might be sensible.”

“Detour?”

Nodding her head, River gestured to the monitor. “I haven’t been to this planet but from everything I’ve read about the Antusians, we are far more likely to get into any royal party if we come with a gift. And the more extravagant the gift the better.”

“But we can just…”

“Yes I know you’ve got the psychic paper sweetie,” she added quickly, ignoring him as he pouted at the interruption, “And I’m hoping that gets us in without trouble. But I want to get as close to the treasure displays as possible. And that means turning up with something very valuable”

“River we are not going _stealing _something before we even get to this party,” the Doctor huffed, crossing his arms in exasperation.

Gasping in mock affront, River quickly typed some coordinates into the monitor before pulling down a couple of the levers on the console. “I don’t _always _steal things. It’s just more fun that way sometimes,” she winked at him as he rolled his eyes at her, “Besides, I’m not planning on stealing anything this time.”

Wandering back over to the monitor and peering over her shoulder as she nodded at the screen, the Doctor raised his eyebrows as he recognised the coordinates. “You do remember the last time we went here?” he murmured in her ear.

“Oh I do sweetie,” River grinned broadly at him, her voice dropping as she flicked her gaze down his body and back up again, “Very well indeed.”

Clearing his throat, the Doctor straightened his bowtie self-consciously. “Yes, well. We don’t want a repeat of that.”

“Hmm, I’d beg to differ,” River almost purred, throwing another lascivious look at the Doctor as he turned a very faint shade of pink.

“Err sorry, am I missing something?” Clara piped up from the other side of the console room as the Doctor and River both looked round at her in surprise, “Yes, still here!” she waved at them with a grin.

“We’re going to the Auction House on Priam VII,” River explained, “They sell virtually anything in the galaxy for the right price. They’re like Christie’s or Sotheby’s but on a galactic scale.”

Nodding in understanding, Clara glanced over at the Doctor who had turned to fiddle with something on the console. “So what happened last time you went?”

“Oh nothing,” the Doctor interjected quickly just as River opened her mouth to reply, “So, auction. Excellent idea, let’s get going.”

River grinned in amusement as the Doctor suddenly spun round the console and started pressing random buttons. “Sweetie, we’re already there. I’ve landed us.”

“Landed?” Clara looked up in surprise, “But I didn’t feel…”

“Oh I’m _very _good,” River winked at her as the Doctor scowled at both of them. Turning back to Clara she explained, “The last time we went to the auction, SOMEBODY managed to bid on an entire collection of… how shall I put it… adult toys!”

“No!” Clara gasped, turning to look at the Doctor with a look of glee on her face.

“Oh yes he did!” River laughed as the Doctor stared determinedly down at the console.

“Well how was I to know that’s what the Methusi tribe were famous for?” the Doctor spluttered, his face turning red.

“Basic anthropology sweetie,” River deadpanned as he glared at her.

“They just looked like some interestingly shaped pieces of art,” he retorted defensively as Clara snorted with laughter.

“So what did you do with your… err… art collection?” Clara asked with a giggle.

“Actually I think we used it to celebrate our 38th honeymoon,” River cut in with a smirk that abruptly stopped Clara’s laughter, “Or was it our 39th sweetie?”

“I think it was the 42nd actually,” the Doctor cut in primly, clearing his throat while avoiding Clara’s gaze as she blanched and made a gagging noise while River grinned unashamedly.

“Eww. Too much information thank you.”

Ignoring Clara’s remark, the Doctor straightened his lapels and shook his head at River with a look of fond exasperation. “Right, if we’re done discussing THAT, shall we?” he gestured towards the door.

Still smirking at him, River held his gaze as swept past him down the stairs, deliberately brushing against his shoulder as she did so, feeling his eyes on her as he followed her down the stairs.

Pulling open the door, River glanced back up at the console to see Clara still standing there, a look of hesitation on her face.

“Is everything alright?”

Pausing for a moment, Clara looked at the two of them before nodding slowly. “Actually I think I might stay here if that’s ok?”

Turning round properly, the Doctor frowned at her, “Why? What’s the matter?”

“No, nothing,” Clara said quickly, “I’m just feeling a bit tired and could do with a bath or something.”

“A bath?!” the Doctor exclaimed taking a couple of steps back towards her, “No no Clara come on, this auction house is brilliant. It’s much better than taking a bath!”

“No really Doctor,” Clara shook her head firmly as he looked at her in confusion, “You and River go. I’ll be fine here.”

“But…”

“I'll be fine Doctor,” Clara insisted, sitting herself down on one of the seats by the console, “Besides, you’ve left Ramone somewhere in here. Don’t want him to find everyone’s disappeared,” she added as River looked slightly guilty at having completely forgotten Ramone’s presence.

Nodding slightly at Clara, River gently laid a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder, “She’ll be fine Doctor. Come on.”

“Have fun!” Waving cheerfully as they left the Tardis, Clara pulled out a magazine and leaned back in the chair, “And no bidding on any more sex toys Doctor!” she called out cheekily, grinning as the Doctor stumbled over the threshold at her comment, "And go spend some quality time with your wife," she added to herself as she opened the magazine and leant back contentedly in the chair.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit shorter than usual sorry, but look, fluff! (kind of)
> 
> hope you enjoyed, as always, i love hearing what you think...


	11. I'll say I loved you years ago, tell myself you never loved me, no

_Antusian capital late 29th century, jubilee anniversary Emperor Xaros XII_

Smoothing down the fabric of her dress absently, River glanced across the throne room to the doorway where the latest guests were entering. Sighing slightly as they turned out to be simply another group of local dignitaries, she flagged down a passing waiter and quickly nabbed a glass of local fizz, muttering under her breath about the reliable tardiness of her errant husband. They had decided to split their resources and her and Ramone had got here about an hour previously but there was still no sign of Clara and the Doctor.

“Errr Professor,” Ramone ventured bravely after watching her sip her champagne and glare irritably at the door every few moments, “Do you think they might be lost?”

Sighing again, River resisted the urge to down the rest of the champagne. “No, but if you can rely on one thing in the universe it’s that the Doctor will turn up at least half an hour after he was supposed to be anywhere.”

“Oh. I see,” Ramone replied, in a tone that suggested he really didn’t.

“Did you want a drink?” River asked after a few moments of silence, suddenly realising she probably wasn’t being the best company and cursing her complicated marriage for approximately the hundredth time that day

“Oh no I’m fine,” Ramone shook his head quickly, fidgeting with his dinner jacket cuffs, “So, this amulet you’re looking for…”

“The amulet of Vraxos,” River supplied.

“You think it’s here?”

Exhaling softly, River fiddled with the stem of her champagne flute before explaining. “I think they have a piece of it yes.”

“Ok. And do you think they might just give it to us?” Ramone asked hopefully, his expression falling when River just looked at him in disbelief. “I was worried it might be like that,” he muttered darkly as she grinned back at him, “So…” he added tentatively after another pause, “The Doctor. Who is he exactly?”

“He’s someone who turns up whenever there’s trouble,” River replied shortly, the smile disappearing from her face as she glanced again at the door.

Looking non-plussed at her answer, he tried again. “Yes but who _is _he? And how do you know him?”

“He’s…” River paused suddenly. How to describe her husband to Ramone? And did she even want to acknowledge that they were married? As far as Ramone was concerned, she was unattached and, if not quite living like a free agent in New Oxford, then certainly she hadn’t mentioned her erstwhile husband in the last couple of years.

But then the last few hours she’d spent at the auction house just with him had been almost like old times. She’d been mentally cursing Clara when she’d left the two of them alone although the gesture had certainly softened her feelings towards the younger woman.

It had gone remarkably smoothly though and she had managed to successfully bid on a set of prized vases that should get them through into the treasure display rooms. There had been no danger, no alien incursions, no shooting. Nothing at all to interrupt them. It could almost have been one of their trouble-free dates from before when either he would pick her up and whisk her off somewhere fabulous or she would drop in unexpectedly and commandeer his Tardis to his pretend-displeasure.

It hadn’t been quite like the old times though. The whole time she had been with him she’d felt torn between giving in wholeheartedly to simply enjoying a day out just the two of them, no matter the consequences or what had happened before. Torn between that and the constant pressing need to remind herself not to spill just _where _and _when _exactly in their timestreams she was. She’d spent so much of the last few years since escaping the Library being so very angry and upset with him. For leaving her there, for knowing all along that was how her story was supposed to end, for moving on so seamlessly. She’d told herself she’d come to terms with it, that she knew her feelings for him had always been stronger than his feelings for her. But then apparently all it had taken was one trip with him, one afternoon of laughing with him, at seeing how ridiculously excited he had been at all the trinkets and treasure being auctioned.

He could sense that something was off with her, she was sure. He may have been oblivious to her feelings once upon a time but this Doctor, the one who had known her for hundreds of years, he knew her better than anyone in the universe. She had caught him throwing her a few curious glances now and then and she’d cut him off a couple of times when she’d thought he’d been about to ask something awkward. And of course they had barely touched each other since they’d left the archaeology conference, save for that moment in the console room before Clara had walked in. Normally when they’d run into each other at similar points in their timelines it would only be a matter of minutes before they were in each other’s arms, and usually tearing each other’s clothes off as well. This time both were keeping a careful distance from the other and while River knew why she was doing so, she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to know why the Doctor also felt the need to keep her at arm’s length.

Shaking her head, River suddenly realised Ramone was staring her expectantly as she still hadn’t answered his question.

“He’s a… a very useful person to know,” she finished lamely before quickly taking a large sip of her champagne and ignoring the curious look Ramone was now giving her.

“Yes...but…”

Thankfully River was prevented from any further awkward questioning by the timely appearance of the Doctor and Clara at the entrance to the main hall.

“Sorry we’re late,” Clara apologised with a sigh as they made their way over to them, “He insisted on changing,” she nodded at the Doctor with a slight roll of her eyes.

“Yeah, well, some of us like to make an effort,” he protested, tugging slightly on his lapels as his gaze automatically sought River’s who ran her eyes up and down his body, taking in the white tie and tails that he’d changed into.

“No top hat this time?” River quipped as he preened under her appreciative gaze.

“So what’s the plan?” Clara cut in just as the Doctor was about to offer a flirty retort, “Please tell me it’s better than his usual one of wandering into trouble and hoping it all works out?”

“No of course not,” River scoffed, ignoring the Doctor’s squawk of indignation, “However,” she paused for a moment, turning to look at Clara and Ramone, “How do the two of you feel about creating a distraction?”

\--

“River come on,” the Doctor hissed at her, glancing nervously over his shoulder at the door.

“I’ve nearly got it…just one more…” she muttered as she stretched her arm, twisting her body to try and reach as far as possible into the safe.

“We need to leave _now,_” he retorted urgently, “the alarms will go back up any minute and we can’t use your vortex manipulator in here.”

“Doctor if you would just let me work for _one _minute…” River ground out from between gritted teeth as she stretched her fingers out as far into the back of the safe as she could manage.

“We don’t have a minute!” the Doctor flailed anxiously, gesturing wildly towards the lights around the door that were beginning to flash ominously, “In fact, we don’t have thirty seconds, or even twenty really! The alarms are about to go off and we are going to be caught here and…”

“Well come on then!” River suddenly cut off his spiralling rant as she grabbed his hand and sprang towards the door, pulling them both through the doorway as a loud alarm suddenly went off behind them.

Looking round behind them and then down the corridor, they both looked at each other for a brief moment.

“Run!” They both said at exactly the same time before haring off down the corridor still hand in hand.

“The alarms have gone off” the Doctor panted as they reached the end of the corridor and through a door into a longer corridor that led up to a wide stairway, “They’ll be down here to investigate any minute.”

“I know sweetie,” River retorted breathlessly, hitching up her skirts a little higher to stop them catching, “that’s why we’re running.”

“Did you get it then?” the Doctor managed to gasp out as they leapt up the stairs, two at a time.

Turning to face him as they paused at the top of the stairway, River held up a small velvet bag held tightly in her other hand and flashed him a triumphant grin.

“Of course you did,” he breathed in wonder, a slow smile spreading across his face as she grinned back at him.

Tugging on his hand, River set off again down the corridor, heading for the large double doorway at the end of it. “Well I do have a _bit _of expertise when it comes to getting hold of things I shouldn’t.”

“Oh I know you do,” he murmured with a loaded glance at her as they reached the doors and he pulled sharply on the handle to open them.

Pausing to look round at him, River took a sharp breath in at the expression on his face. He was gazing at her with a look she recognised from before. A look that once upon a time would set her hearts fluttering and send her crashing into his arms. Something that definitely absolutely wasn’t about to happen she thought as she subconsciously swayed towards him, noting the way his eyes dropped to her mouth and back up again.

“River…” he breathed softly, bringing the hand that wasn’t holding hers slowly up to gently brush a thumb over her cheek.

“Doctor we should…” River whispered, trying desperately to keep the tremble out of her voice as her eyes fluttered shut at the gentle touch of his hand. Half of her brain was screaming that she shouldn’t be letting this happen, that this was a very silly and dangerous thing to do, but then the other half was telling her if she just leant forward a little and tilted her lips up slightly to meet his then…

“OI! WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING DOWN HERE?”

Pulling apart abruptly, they both turned in horror to see three heavily armed guards had appeared at the far end of the large room that was on the other side of the double doors.

Reacting instinctively, River pulled the Doctor back through the doors and kicked them shut before spinning and sprinting back down the corridor they had just come from, pulling the Doctor along with her.

Clattering back down the stairs at full pelt, River turned abruptly into a small doorway, turning the handle of the door quickly and bundling them both through into the small room behind it.

“River this is a dead end!”

Ignoring the Doctor’s panicked comment, River quickly locked the door and propped a chair underneath the handle before striding over to the corner of the room where there was a small metal plate that was raised a few inches above the floor.

“Sonic please sweetie?” she held out a hand as she flipped open the small panel that was set into the wall above the plate and quickly began typing with her other hand.

“River what’s this…”

“Sweetie, sonic, now!” River cut him off with a touch of impatience, wiggling her hand for emphasis as she frowned at the control panel.

“Fine! Here you go!”

Quickly taking the screwdriver, River changed the settings before quickly scanning the control panel and then typing something further on panel. “Ah ok, that’s how it is” she muttered to herself “So hopefully if I just…”

“River, what are you…”

Sighing, River gritted her teeth and continued fiddling with the screwdriver settings before uploading something to the control panel. “Doctor can you just let me do this for _one _minute so I can stop us getting shot. The Antusians are very much a shoot first, ask questions later type of species from what I understand.”

Glaring at the back of her head, the Doctor peered over her shoulder at the control panel and what she was typing.

“Ohhh! So it’s a type of teleport?” he suddenly exclaimed.

“Mmmhmm.”

“But the transmission area is tiny,” he objected, looking anxiously down at the small plate on the floor, “It’s what they use to safely transfer the jewellery down here to the vaults. We couldn’t even teleport your hair safely with that, let alone both of us!”

Pausing briefly to glare up at him, River finished uploading the new code to the control panel and then quickly adjusted the cables that ran down from the control panel into the back of the plate.

“Ohhh you’re trying to extend the transmission portal…”

“By boosting the power signal and updating their transmission protocols yes,” River finished for him as she switched two of the final cables around and turned back to face him.

“But that’s…”

“Ingenious?!”

“Crazy!” he retorted, “There’s no way that will work.”

“It might!”

“But it might _not,” _he snapped, “These types of basic teleport are notoriously unreliable and with this sort of makeshift upgrade then the chances of us being atomised into a million little pieces are _rather _too high for my liking.”

“Oh don’t be so dramatic,” River rolled her eyes at him, turning back to input something final into the control panel, “The chances of that happening are only…fairly small.”

“River! We can’t do this. It’s completely insa…”

The rest of his sentence however was suddenly cut off by a pounding at the door.

“Doctor, we have to try this,” River hissed as the door handle rattled and then the sound of gunshots ricocheted off the door.

“But…” the Doctor hesitated, looking between the door and River.

“Sweetie come on,” she implored, holding out her hand as the Doctor paused for just one more moment, his eyes flickering over to the door again where the sparks from the gunfire were now flickering around the edges of the door before suddenly grabbing her hand and stepping in close to her.

Pulling him in next to her, she let go of his hand and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Ready?” she checked, her other hand pointing the sonic at the control panel.

Inhaling sharply, the Doctor nodded firmly as she activated the sonic and they dematerialised just as the door broke down in a hail of gunfire.

They rematerialised in a similar sized room just a moment later. Stumbling slightly into each other as they regained their balance, the Doctor reached out to place both hands on her waist to steady her, laughing giddily as he did so.

“Ha! You did it!”

River laughed, partly in relief and partly in response to his exhilarated expression. “I told you it would work!”

“You, River Song, are brilliant!” he exclaimed delightedly, his hands tightening automatically around her waist as she grinned up at him, her hands resting lightly on his jacket lapels. “Have I told you that recently?”

River suddenly stilled, the smile disappearing from her face as she looked up at him seriously, her hearts pounding in her chest all of a sudden. “No,” she whispered hoarsely, drifting closer to him, “No, you haven’t.”

The delight in his expression fading, the Doctor frowned slightly as he leant forward so their lips were now only inches apart. “Well then I am most definitely an idiot,” he whispered back, his eyes darkening as they flicked from hers to her lips and back up again.

For a moment they just stared at each other, not moving an inch, but then suddenly his lips were crashing against hers. She wasn’t sure who had moved first, whether she had hauled him down to her or he had pulled her against him or they both had moved simultaneously. Whichever it was, River did not care one little bit because for the first time in a very long while she was kissing her husband and _oh _this she had missed. Wrapping her arms around his neck as his hands tightened on waist and pulled her flush against him, she moaned as his tongue slid against hers, her mouth opening to his as she kissed him back without hesitation.

“I don’t know but they’ve been gone long enough and to be honest if anyone could find trouble th…Oh!” Clara’s voice suddenly filled the room as her and Ramone burst in through the doors and the Doctor and River sprang apart guiltily.

“Clara!” the Doctor gasped, his face flushing bright red immediately, “There you are! We were… we were just…” he trailed off, his hands flailing as he glanced up at River and then back to Clara who was standing with her hands on her hips looking at both of them in amusement.

“Oh I saw what you were just doing Doctor!”

“I…we…”

“Oh hush Doctor, you don’t have to justify snogging your wife to me,” Clara cut off his spluttering impatiently.

“Wife? What… you didn’t mention… Professor?” Ramone now spluttered in surprise as River had the grace to look slightly sheepish as the Doctor eyed her in surprise.

“Ah yes,” River confessed, her cheeks turning just the faintest tinge of red and gesturing vaguely towards the Doctor, “I meant to say earlier. We’re actually married.”

“Oh well no wonder you…”

“Look as entertaining as this all is,” Clara cut in again with a sigh “Can it wait? The reason we came to find you is they’ve halted all the celebrations and they’re herding everyone into the main hall. There’s a rumour that one of the vaults has been breached.”

“Ah,” the Doctor winced slightly, “That may have had something to do with us.”

“Yes we thought it might!”

“I think that’s our cue to leave then,” River announced firmly, heading over to the far side of the room where there was another smaller door.

Pulling open the door quickly, she stuck her head round and briefly checked the corridor. “All clear. Right let’s go.”

Hurrying through the door after Clara and Ramone as River held it open, the Doctor waited for her as she paused to retrieve her blaster from her purse.

“This way,” she called as she set off left down the corridor.

“Won’t this take us back to the main hall?” Clara looked over her shoulder anxiously at the far end of the corridor where faint noises of the crowd could be heard.

Stopping abruptly in front of a small door, River pulled it open to reveal a narrow staircase heading down.

“Not if we go this way!” River grinned wryly as she gestured down into the dark stairway, “This should lead us back out into the outer courtyard.”

“Which is where we parked the Tardis,” the Doctor sighed fondly, a grudging look of admiration on his face, “It’s almost like you planned this?”

“Well!” River shrugged casually, “I thought we might need a quick getaway. I made sure I checked the schematics before we left.”

“Of course you did!” the Doctor murmured, his lips curling up into a grin as he swayed towards her.

“Someone’s got to be the brains behind the operation don’t they sweetie,” she smirked back at him as he leant in towards her, his eyes bright with amusement.

“Excuse me Professor Song, I’ll have you…”

Rolling her eyes, Clara nudged him out the way with her elbow making him stumble slightly before setting off down the stairs. “Urgh, enough with the flirting you two. Can you save it for… in fact, no, just save it altogether.”

River grinned to herself as the Doctor glared at the back of Clara’s head before tugging on his lapels and then following her down the stairs. Turning to Ramone to usher him down as well, she found him staring at her with a look of bemusement on his face. Clearing her throat slightly self-consciously, she gestured towards the stairway.

“After you.”

Shaking himself slightly, he paused for a moment before following the Doctor. “This has been a very strange day Professor” he sighed as he descended into the dark.

Glancing down the corridor once more, River quickly shut the door behind her and followed close on his heels. “You’re not the only one,” she murmured to herself as she hurried after them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh some happy Doctor/River! hope you enjoyed, i did try to make it fluffy...
> 
> thank you to everyone who is still enjoying this, your comments and encouragement are so appreciated!


	12. tell me, who wrote the book of love

\--

“Doctor I’m fine,” River tried to push him away as he fussed around her.

“No, you’re not,” he fretted, batting her hands away from the console as he quickly sent them into the vortex.

“Yes, I am,” she insisted, trying to stand up straight and ignoring the stab of pain that shot through her side. They’d been ambushed by a group of guards just before they reached the Tardis. She’d managed to disperse most of them with a handy stun grenade she kept in her bag but she’d been caught by the fire from one of their blasters just as she’d ushered the rest of them into the Tardis.

“No, River!” he retorted, glancing worriedly at her, “You were shot!”

“Well that’s nothing new,” she replied airily through gritted teeth, waving away his concerns and trying to surreptitiously press a hand into her side as a fresh wave of pain rolled through her. Taking a deep breath, she tried to push herself away from the console but the pain stopped her short.

“River!” he laid a hand gently on her arm making her look up at him properly, “You’re hurt.”

“It’s nothing. I’ll be fine.”

Shaking his head insistently, he frowned at her in worry. “It’s _not _nothing. Let me have a look.”

“Doctor you don’t need to worry, really it’s…”

“I _do _worry. Let me take a look,” he cut her off in exasperation as she stood stubbornly in front of him, “Please,” he added more softly, running his thumb gently over her arm.

Biting her lip, River was about to refuse again, to insist that she didn’t need him taking care of her or worrying about her. However, there was something in his expression, something that made her pause and check her automatic answer that she was fine. “Alright,” she relented after a few moments, watching as he sighed in relief.

Smiling softly at her, he nodded at the corridor. “Go on. Med bay. I’ll be there in a moment.”

Meeting his gaze, River looked at him for a long moment before turning and heading out the console room.

\--

Entering the medical bay, River slowly approached the couch and leant down to kick her heels off, resting one hand on the couch as she did so. Sitting herself down gently, she paused to take a deep breath as another wave of pain shot through her. Gritting her teeth, she closed her eyes briefly as she waited for the pain to subside. Cursing the brutality of the Antusian weaponry for the umpteenth time in the past ten minutes she glanced around the room.

The last time she’d been here had been just a few months after her escape from the Library. When she’d run into the Doctor and Clara in the middle of that earthquake and ended up back here tending to Clara’s sprained ankle. When the Doctor had abruptly declared to Clara that to all intents and purposes, he didn’t have a wife. Shuddering slightly, River tried to put that thought out of her mind and repress the wave of nausea that rolled over her, telling herself it was just a reaction to the pain.

The way he was acting today though? He hadn’t been acting like wanted nothing more to do with her. She couldn’t help but run over just how different he’d been over the past few hours compared to that time with the earthquake when he could barely look at her without flinching. The last hour or so when they’d been breaking into the vault and then running for their lives – well it could’ve been any adventure from her pre-Library life. And then that kiss. Reaching up automatically, she touched her fingers gently to her lips where she could swear they were still tingling from his touch. Yet she could have sworn that this was an older Doctor than the one she'd encountered all those months ago.

Dropping her head to her chest, she gave a slight groan; she was in too much pain at the moment to start contemplating her total mess of a marriage. That could wait until she could at least vaguely think straight again. Sighing deeply, she was about to swing her legs up on to the couch when the Doctor bustled in.

“Ah there you are! Right, just let me get some things…”

She watched him as he dashed around the room, opening drawers and cabinets and collecting an armful of supplies and muttering to himself. After a minute or so, he hurried over to her, dumping the collection of bandages, ointments and various advanced medical gadgets onto the small table next to the couch.

He hovered next to her, rocking back slightly on his heels as he gestured vaguely at her injured side. “Can I…?”

Rolling her eyes at his awkwardness, River reached round to the zip on the side of her dress and pulled it down so the garment gaped open at the side. Moving closer to her, the Doctor tentatively started to pull the material away, stopping briefly when she flinched as the fabric caught slightly on some of the dried blood around the edges of the wound.

“I’m fine,” she muttered from between gritted teeth, “Just keep going.”

Biting his lip to stop himself saying anything, the Doctor gently moved the rest of the fabric of her dress away from the wound. “River!” he suddenly exclaimed in horror as he properly inspected the full extent of the large, angry-looking gash in her side that was still oozing blood.

“Doctor it’s fine really,” she hissed, shuddering as he very gently ran his fingertips around the edge of the wound, “I’ve had worse.”

He glanced up at her at that, his fingers pausing in their exploration. “Yes, I know,” he replied softly, his eyes meeting hers as he gazed concernedly at her.

Breaking their gaze after a few moments, River quickly looked away, not wanting to think about the emotions swirling round inside her head when he looked at her like that.

Shuffling back a little on the couch, she held the edges of the dress out the way so he could start cleaning the wound. For a few minutes he worked mostly in silence, methodically cleaning the wound, just letting the odd tut escape his lips now and then.

“Why are you so interested in this lost amulet anyway?” he asked curiously, breaking the silence after a few minutes as he liberally applied a bright orange ointment to her injury.

“A girl’s got to keep herself occupied somehow,” River replied lightly, glancing down at her side as he squeezed the last of the ointment onto her side. She had wondered when he was going to ask her about the amulet and her sudden interest in it. To be honest she was quite surprised it had taken him this long. She’d fully expected him to quiz her right from the beginning when they’d taken the detour to the auction. Although perhaps he’d been as distracted as she was. “There’s only so many tombs to discover in the universe.”

“Is that right?” he muttered, sounding unconvinced, “Keep still” he scolded gently as she flinched slightly, “That’s just the tissues knitting back together.”

River let out a small hiss as the burning sensation ran through her lower back and side. “Yes, thank you sweetie, I have used fast-healing tech before.”

“Well you should know to keep still then!”

“I’ve also told you to use the one with local anaesthetic in it before as well,” she glared at him as he grinned sheepishly at her.

“But the orange colour is so much cooler!”

She rolled her eyes at him as he unwrapped a dressing and carefully placed it over the now rapidly-healing wound. He then slowly zipped her dress back up, his fingertips lingering only slightly against her skin.

“Thank you,” she said softly, letting out the breath she’d been holding as he finally let his hands fall away from her.

“River, we…”

“I should just…”

They both spoke at the same time before breaking off awkwardly.

Letting out a small laugh, River looked at him and then away towards the door. “I can be out of your hair soon Doctor. I just need to change really and then I can be on my way.”

“River, no, we…”

“It’s not a problem,” she continued hurriedly, not wanting to hear his excuses of why and where else he needed to be, “I need to get back to the university soon really and…”

“River!” he snapped, interrupting her flow and jolting her gaze back to his, “You don’t have to go now.”

Biting her bottom lip, River looked at him anxiously. “But you have things to do. Clara is here.”

“I can take Clara home,” he insisted firmly, nodding to emphasise his point.

“You don’t have to do that,” she objected stubbornly, feeling her resistance weaken all the same as he just kept _looking _at her like that.

“Oh, I’m sure she’s getting a bit sick of me by now,” the Doctor gestured flippantly with a small smile, “Besides,” he added more seriously, “I feel like we haven’t…like I haven’t _seen _you properly. I mean I know we’ve just spent the last few hours escaping some violent aliens and then there was that business at the auction and before that… but I don’t know, it’s not the same as…”

“I know Doctor,” River said softly, cutting off his rambling and reaching out to cover one of his hands with her own.

Looking down briefly at her hand, the Doctor looked back up at intently. Opening his mouth, he was about to say something when the sound of voices drifted towards them down the corridor. Smiling ruefully, he glanced over at the doorway before looking back at River. “How about we drop them off and then maybe dinner at that little place on Feran?” he suggested hopefully.

Pausing momentarily, River looked up at him for a long moment before nodding hesitantly, watching as a genuine smile lit up his face.

Stepping back, he held out his hand and helped her up off the couch before spinning back round and striding over to the door.

“Clara!” he called as he reached the doorway and set off back towards the console room, “I’m dropping you back. Time for hopscotch and gingerbread. Or whatever it is you do when I’m not there…”

Shaking her head and smiling to herself, River gingerly bent down to pick up her shoes before following him more slowly. By the time she reached the console room, the Doctor was already typing furiously into the monitor.

“But Doctor, didn’t you say you’d look at the wiring?” Clara was saying as she re-entered the room.

“Oh, I’ll do that another time Clara,” the Doctor dismissed, pulling the lever on the console down excitedly as the Tardis swung through the vortex. Clapping his hands together, he almost skipped down the stairs and over to the door before flinging it open. “Here we go!” he announced with a flourish, “Right time, right place. I’ll see you in a few days Ms Oswald!”

Looking slightly flustered, Clara followed him over to the door. “Oh, well alright then,” she grumbled with a slightly put out sigh, “You know you could just say if you wanted some alone time with the missus,” turning back to the console, she gave River and Ramone a small wave, “Nice to see you again River. Ramone, it was a pleasure.”

“Doctor!” River called out as Clara reached the door and they both turned to look back at her, “Go and sort out whatever Clara’s problem with the wiring is.”

“No, no, River, it’s fine really,” the Doctor protested, ushering Clara out the door, “It can wait.”

“Oh sweetie, just go,” she laughed at him, gesturing for him to leave, “I’ll take Ramone home and pop back in ten minutes or so.”

“Well if you’re sure…” he said doubtfully.

“I’m sure,” she replied firmly as she turned away from the door to type in new coordinates, “I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

Hesitating for a moment, the Doctor stared up at her before he nodded reluctantly and followed Clara out the door and pulling it firmly shut behind him.

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, I know it's a bit short but i'm away next week and wanted to get something posted before then. thank you as always to those who are still enjoying it. your comments always make my week! we are approaching some kind of beginning to the end, kind of...


	13. we're better off apart, let's give it a try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for all the lovely comments on the last chapter. i was feeling a bit uninspired previously for this fic but have got my mojo back so you are all wonderful!

\---

_New Oxford_

River let out a sigh of relief as she stepped back inside the Tardis doors and shut them firmly behind her. She took a moment before pushing herself away from the door and moving purposefully up to the console. She had just dropped Ramone off with the promise that she would see him when she was back. She probably did owe him at least a coffee for keeping quiet to the university about her extra-curricular methods of archaeology she mused. In the meantime, however, she had a dinner date with her husband to get ready for.

She glanced briefly in the mirror, frowning at her reflection. The elegant updo she’d had was now looking decidedly dishevelled and her dress was still covered in blood. A shower and a change of clothes was definitely needed before she was presentable. Feeling uncharacteristically nervous, she smoothed her hands down over her dress.

The last time she had gotten dressed up for dinner with the Doctor he’d been taking her to the Singing Towers. She’d been so delighted that he was finally taking her there that it had taken her longer than it probably should have done to realise something was up. Something that, if she was honest with herself, she had feared for a long time about Darillium. She had tried to ignore the rumours and hearsay about the two of them and the Towers for a long time. Shaking her head slightly to dispel those memories, she brought herself back to the present. It seemed that the rumours and myths had been wrong. There was yet another chapter in their lives.

She was about to set off for the nearest bathroom when she hesitated for a moment. She was alone on the Tardis with time on her hands. Now would be the perfect opportunity to do something she’d been thinking about for a while; search for her diary. She’d been so focussed on finding books to help her with the amulet the last time she was here by herself that she’d completely forgotten about looking for her diary.

Now though, she could find it and be back on Earth to meet the Doctor and he’d be none the wiser. Although, if she just met him for dinner now and they talked. Perhaps...? Perhaps they might even… but no. She couldn’t bring herself to hope that things would be so easily resolved. Besides, the temptation of finding her diary sooner rather than later was too much to resist.

Two hours later, she was now cross and more than a little frustrated. She had thoroughly searched all the libraries plus both her and the Doctor’s studies but to no avail. She was now standing outside the door to the one place she had not been able to face going inside yet. Their bedroom. She had managed to avoid going inside every time she been onboard in the past couple of years. She had used one of the many other bathrooms and made use of the very large communal wardrobe when she had needed to change. Now though, she didn’t really have a choice.

Taking a deep breath, she reached out and slowly turned the handle, pushing the dark wooden door open as she did so. She took a couple of steps inside the room and then stopped dead. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked round the darkened room. Everything that she could see – the bedside tables, the vanity by the wall, the wardrobes, the small table in the corner - was covered in a thick layer of dust. There were still some clothes strewn on the floor beside the bed, looking like they’d been hastily discarded on one of the evenings they would stumble hastily back to their bedroom many many years ago.

Shaking herself, she took a few steps into the room, casting her eyes over the bedside tables and any other surface that her diary used to rest on. There was no sign of it though. Moving over to the vanity, she ran her hand absently over the assorted bits of jewellery, cosmetics and other knickknacks littering the surface.

She winced suddenly as she stepped on something sharp. Squinting in the dark, she bent down to pick up the offending item. Bringing it up to her eyeline she let out a small gasp as she recognised part of a beautiful necklace that he’d bought her for their one hundredth wedding anniversary. It had been one of the few anniversaries where they were actually in sync and he’d whisked her away for a fabulous evening of wining and dining before they’d retreated to a secluded villa on luxury resort planet for an extended romantic break. Now that same necklace was lying broken and discarded amongst the dust of their bedroom floor.

Clutching the remnant of it to her chest, she suddenly felt a very real wave of nausea bubble up inside her. Turning around she half-stumbled to the door, wrenching it open and almost collapsing against the corridor wall. Taking deep gulps of fresh air, she tried to calm her racing pulse. She had feared that the Doctor might not want to linger on the past too much but she hadn’t thought that he would so completely abandon their bedroom and everything it contained. It was no longer a bedroom at all. It was a mausoleum of their marriage.

Leaning her head back against the wall, River closed her eyes. She could feel the background hum of the Tardis in her mind. _Please, mother _she thought. _Please help me find it. I can’t keep searching like this._

For a moment there was nothing. Sighing heavily, River slowly opened her eyes and moved to push herself off the wall. Suddenly however the Tardis lurched to the side, sending River flailing slightly into the middle of the corridor.

_What are you doing? _She thought frantically as she recognised the unmistakeable motion of the Tardis hurtling through the vortex. _Where are you taking me?_

As suddenly as it had started, the movement stopped abruptly. Steadying herself against the wall, River looked around cautiously “Are you finished now?” she called out loud this time, receiving an answering hum in reply.

Making her way to the console room, she stepped up towards the monitor, pulling it towards her and frowning in confusion at the display. For a moment, the display showed nothing but static but then the location coordinates flashed up.

“No” River gasped as she recognised where she was “No. I can’t be here again.”

Desperately, she reached out for the keyboard, hurriedly typing in coordinates to take her somewhere, anywhere, but here. The Tardis, however, refused to move.

“Please” River whispered, one hand half covering her mouth in horror “I spent over four hundred years in the computer here. You can’t bring me back. You just _can’t.”_

Closing her eyes again, she tried to plead with Tardis again but all she got in reply was an encouraging hum.

Sighing in defeat, she opened her eyes and reluctantly turned on the monitor. She tried to repress a shudder as the interior of the Library flickered into view. It felt so long ago that she had landed here with her expedition crew. The feeling of mounting horror as they realised just what it was they were facing in the shadows. The speed and brutality at which they were picked off one by one. And then the absolute devastation she had felt as realised just how young that version of the Doctor was. That hammer blow followed by the sinking realisation that this was how their story ended. The bitterness that came with knowing just how circular their lives really were.

It looked like she had landed merely a few hours after her previous death. Or ‘death’ she supposed that should be now, she thought darkly. The Tardis seemed to be parked in one of the upper galleries that looked over the huge book collections. Glaring at the screen, she was about to try and reason or plead with the Tardis once again to take them elsewhere, when something caught her eye. Something perched on the edge of the balustrade. Something blue and old and very very familiar.

“My diary” River gasped, one hand reaching out to tentatively touch the screen while the other half-covered her mouth.

A few minutes later, the Tardis was drifting in the vortex and she was sitting on the steps up to the console clutching her diary in both hands. She’d not spent any longer than absolutely necessary in the Library, having simply dashed out the doors, grabbed her diary and then fled back into the safety of the Tardis, piloting them away as soon as she could.

Now she was sat, trying to pretend that her hands weren’t shaking, staring down at the book that had contained everything that had been precious to her in her previous life. Every fabulous date across the galaxies. Every planet saved. Every disaster averted, or created. Every night they’d spent together. All recorded in loving detail in her diary.

And he had left it behind.

Biting her lip, she clamped down on the wave of nausea that threatened to bubble up inside her. Taking a deep breath, she tried to rationalise her thoughts. Obviously, he hadn’t wanted to cross his own timeline and risk disturbing things by going to get her diary. Otherwise he wouldn’t have just _left _it there would he? He knew how much it meant to her. He wouldn’t have contemplated leaving it there to be consumed by the shadows. No, he must have been meaning to go back at some point and get it.

But then… she had clearly been gone for a long time from his perspective. Certainly, if their bedroom was any indication. He had been living without her for a very long time and had still not made any attempt to go back and get it. Instead he was swanning around the universe with an attractive new companion and not giving any thought to his dead wife who he’d stuck in a computer database many hundreds of years ago. Breathing deeply, she allowed herself to admit to the welling feeling of anger inside her.

No thought or care given to their bedroom. No thought to the diary he’d given her so long ago. And certainly no thought whatsoever to the ghost of his wife. Biting her lip, she exhaled slowly, feeling more and more angry with every passing moment. She could disappear. She could leave now and never see him again. She knew enough that she would probably be able to avoid him if she wanted to.

She stared at the book in her lap for a few moments more before suddenly getting to her feet. Making her way determinedly over to the console, she quickly typed in the coordinates for Clara’s flat in London before taking a deep breath and then pulling down the lever to send them into the vortex.

\--

“Yes, yes alright Clara” the Doctor called over his shoulder as he practically skipped back into the Tardis “No, don’t worry about that. I’ll sort it out when I next pick you up” he added as he shut the doors and turned to face River with an excited grin on his face. “So, Professor, time for dinner?”

Staring at him for a moment, River didn’t reply but spun on her heel to face the console and fiddle with the monitor.

“Well we don’t have to go there for dinner I suppose” he continued with a slight frown, following her up the stairs. “Although that place was always one of your favourites. Ooh do you remember that time we went there after that concert on Sirius V? That was a bit of an interesting…”

“Doctor we’re not going for dinner” River cut him off shortly, still not looking at him.

“We’re not?”

“No”

“Oh” the Doctor stared at her in confusion “Oh wait I haven’t got the timing off again have I?” he suddenly looked anxiously at his watch and then back at her “I was sure that… hang on, no. No, _you_ picked _me _up!” he realised triumphantly with a grin “I can’t have the timing wrong!”

“No, you haven’t got the timing wrong Doctor, for once” River replied tartly “But we are not going for dinner.”

“Oh, why not?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Oh well that’s alright” the Doctor laughed, sounding relieved as he bounded up the rest of the steps towards her “We can just do something else. What do you fancy?”

Sighing, River jabbed viciously at one of the controls before replying. “What are we doing Doctor?”

Looking at her in confusion, the Doctor rocked slightly back on his heels, scratching his cheek nervously. “Ummm, well I thought we were deciding where we wanted to go for dinner _but _I think we might be having an argument? Although I sometimes can’t tell.”

“I meant what are _we _doing Doctor? The two of us.” River repeated, still staring at the screen in front of her and not at him. “Are we just carrying on because that’s what we’ve always done? Do we both want to be here?”

“Are we talking about physically here?” the Doctor asked hesitantly, waving vaguely about him “Because we’re in London and I know you didn’t particularly like your upbringing but this is a few years later and…”

“I’m not talking about London” River interrupted him impatiently, glaring briefly at him before turning back to the screen. “I meant _us_. Our…our marriage.”

Spluttering slightly, the Doctor took a couple of steps towards her. “River? What? What are you talking about?”

Finally turning around to face him, River crossed her arms and fixed him with a glare. “You know what I’m talking about. You’ve just never had the courage to tell me.”

“I have _no _idea what you are talking about?” the Doctor shook his head in frustration. “River, _please_ can we just go for dinner?”

“Oh, come on Doctor. Are you telling me you’d rather have dinner with your boring old wife?” River retorted angrily “I’m sure you’d actually prefer to swan off around the universe with another pretty young thing who can idolise you properly.”

“What…no…River…”

“Oh, don’t even try and deny it Doctor!” River cut him off as he spluttered indignantly. “It’s not as though you don’t have a type and I’m hardly it now am I?”

“A type?” The Doctor repeated looking lost. “What does that even mean?”

“Young, pretty and female seem to be your usual.” River shot back acidly. “Short skirt, some attitude and a bit mysterious if you’re lucky. You seem to have hit the jackpot recently.”

Gaping at her in disbelief for a moment, the Doctor suddenly laughed slightly. “Is this about Clara?” he asked as River glanced away briefly before returning to glaring at him.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her” she retorted, a note of accusation in her voice “You used to look at me like that once.”

“Like what?” he replied in confusion, a hint of frustration creeping into his voice.

River stared at him for a long moment before answering softly. “Like you can’t wait to solve her mysteries. Like you want to show her all the wonders of the universe. Like she’s the centre of your world right now.”

Running his hands through his hair, the Doctor let out a short laugh in disbelief. “What…no you can’t River that’s just _ridiculous. _You’re being ridiculous.”

“Oh am I?” River snapped “I’m not blind Doctor!”

“Well you’re doing a good job of seeming like it!” he retorted.

“I’ve seen the way you both look at each other. When I bumped into you during that earthquake you could barely look at me for fussing over her.”

“She was injured!” the Doctor cried indignantly.

Rolling her eyes, River dismissed his concerns with a wave of her hand. “She’d sprained her ankle Doctor. It was hardly life-threatening.”

“She couldn’t walk! We were about to drown!”

Ignoring him, River continued. “And she didn’t have a clue who I was, don’t think I didn’t notice that.”

“Well, I…”

“All of time and space, isn’t that what you promise them Doctor?” River cut him off bitingly “All of it except for the bits where you mention you have a wife. I suppose I’m just an inconvenience now aren’t I?”

“River, _what _has got into you?” the Doctor wrung his hands in front of him agitatedly “Of course you’re not an inconvenience! I know, I know. I should have mentioned you but…but it just never seemed like the right time and…”

“Well I’m sorry our marriage is such a burden to carry” River remarked bitterly as he trailed off lamely, looking very sheepish. “Don’t worry, I won’t be bothering you any more.” She added, finally glancing down away from him and picking up her vortex manipulator and attaching it to her wrist.

“No…what…no River, please” he darted forward frantically towards her. “Please, _what _has happened?” he pleaded with her “Did something happen while you were on Luna?” he asked. “When you took Ramone back?” he added, when she frowned slightly at him.

Glancing away from him slightly guiltily, River shook her head. “Of course not.”

“Then what is it?” he asked, shaking his head in frustration. “Because this is just not…not _you_ and I don’t understand where this has come from?”

Looking back up at him, River sighed bitterly. “Well I’m sorry to disappoint you again then Doctor, but maybe this is me. Maybe this is something I should have said a while ago.”

“Disappoint me again?” the Doctor looked at her in confusion for a moment before a look of realisation and horror dawned on him “Oh no…_no _River not that! I’ve told you! I didn’t mean it!”

“Well if you didn’t mean it then perhaps you shouldn’t have said it!” River snapped back at him, her previous anger now resurfacing again.

“But you know, don’t you” he replied desperately, eyes searching hers. “You know that it’s not true. You know that I say things I don’t mean.”

“It’s funny how I seem to be on the receiving end of that more often than other people though don’t I?” River spat back at him. “Why is that I wonder?”

“But it’s… you’re _you _and it’s how we are… and Rule One…”

River looked at him in disbelief before letting out a short laugh “Oh Rule One Doctor. It’s virtually the motto of our marriage don’t you think?”

“But that’s because we had to!” he pleaded with her “We didn’t have a choice.”

River bit her lip and looked at him for a long moment. His hair was all askew from where he’d been running his hands through it frantically and there was an almost wild look of desperation in his eyes. Taking a deep breath, she held her resolve. She wasn’t going to be swayed by desperate pleas now. They should have had this conversation a long time ago.

“No” she murmured sadly, dropping her gaze away from him eventually. “Maybe we didn’t. But now we can.”

“What do you…”

Exhaling softly, she forced herself to look back up at him “I can’t do this anymore Doctor” she shook her head as he opened his mouth to reply. “I’m sorry. It’s too hard.”

“Can’t do…what…no you don’t mean…” he implored frantically as he realised what she was saying.

“I mean _us _Doctor” River snapped forcefully “I can’t do it anymore.”

“No, River, please” he cried, looking at her in dismay, reaching out for her arm as she recoiled away from him.

“Don’t!” she choked out, trying desperately to keep her voice even as she jerked her arm out of his grasp.

“River please” the Doctor tried again, his voice cracking as his hands twitched anxiously by his side. “I can’t… without you… I can’t…”

Staring at him for a moment, River then stepped further away from him and picked up her diary from the console. She looked down at it for a moment before tucking it under her arm. She glanced down at her wrist and automatically typed some coordinates into her vortex manipulator.

“River I mean it!” he begged in desperation as he watched her type in the coordinates “This isn’t Rule One. I can’t… I can’t live without you.”

Letting out a hollow laugh, River looked back up at him in pity. “Oh Doctor, now you’re even lying to yourself.”

“No… I…”

“I think you’ve been living without me just fine for a while now” River cut him off sadly “It’s just taken me a long time to realise it.” Pausing, she looked up at him for a moment before blindly reaching for one of the buttons on her wrist. “Goodbye sweetie” she murmured brokenly as she pushed the button. The Doctor lurched forward at the same moment but grasped only empty air as she disappeared completely from the Tardis.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...sooo don't hate me! at least she came back! i might run away and hide now...


	14. if I could turn the page in time, then I'd rearrange just a day or two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely comments on the last chapter. It does mean so much that people are still reading this and enjoying it even through the angst!
> 
> Also, there is a tiny spoiler for the R+J Big Finish audio in this chapter but it shouldn't matter too much either way if you have or haven't read it.

\--

Stumbling forward into the space where River had been only seconds before, the Doctor flailed his arms out and caught himself on the console. Righting himself, he reached up desperately and wrenched the monitor around towards him.

“Come on, old girl,” he muttered to himself, typing furiously into the keyboard, “Help me, please.”

For a moment, there was nothing.

“Please,” he repeated desperately, “Let me follow her.”

Again, there was nothing. Letting out a cry of frustration, the Doctor hit his palm against the side of the monitor.

“Seriously…”

Then the Tardis juddered into motion, leaving him to quickly grab onto the console to stay upright. As they landed, the monitor turned blank, refusing to show him the landing coordinates. He heaved a sigh of relief, muttered a fervent thank you under his breath and practically ran towards the doors.

He flung them open and strode out before stopping dead.

“But this isn’t…” The Doctor’s face fell as he took in the isolated beach that the Tardis had landed them on instead of Luna.

“Why have you brought me here,” he muttered in confusion, bending down to run a hand through the sand, “I’ve never been here before.”

He absently let the handful of sand run through his fingers before standing up and again peering around him. He sniffed the air once and then glanced down at his watch before suddenly freezing.

“Oh no, it can’t be…” he muttered to himself, shaking his head “But she’s not…”

Whirling around, he glared at the Tardis. “Why would you do this? Why would you bring me here?”

He had been supposed to meet River here. Many, many years ago now. Centuries even. He’d still been very young from her point of view. Hadn’t even known who she was at that point. She’d blithely summoned him with some coordinates, instructions to bring his swimwear and a signature kiss at the bottom of the note. He’d meant to go but he’d been swept up with Amy and feeling guilty about losing Rory and by the time he got around to finally appearing, River had gone. He’d foolishly, arrogantly thought it wouldn’t matter, that there would be many more times together, that he would have enough time with her. He’d told himself that River wouldn’t have wanted to see him so young anyway.

Gradually he had realised what an idiot he had been. Their times together were precious enough as it was and he had squandered one of them because he couldn’t quite keep to time. It didn’t matter how old either one of them was, what mattered was their time together. He’d tried to apologise when he’d finally run into an older River but she’d brushed it off as usual. Not shown him the damage. Now he’d do anything to be able to go back, to steal away another few hours of their life together.

“Is that why you brought me here?” he demanded angrily, flinging his hands out to gesture at the empty sand, “I know what I did. If I could change it, I would but I… I _can’t_.”

Dropping his head, he leant back against the door of Tardis and whispered. “I know you miss her…I do too… so…please…help me.”

The Tardis remained silent for a few moments before the Doctor heard a slight hum at the back of his mind. Taking that as an acquiescence, he breathed a sigh of relief and with one final, guilty look back at the beach, he quickly slipped back through the doors.

Several hours later, however, he was slumped down over the Tardis console, abjectly beating his fist against the panels. It seemed as though his ship had plotted a course to take him on a grand tour through space and time of all of his worst moments as a husband. Every place or moment that they had fought or argued, every time he had kept her waiting or missed out on a birthday or a Christmas. The Tardis had taken him to all of them. At some of them she hadn’t even put the invisibility shields or the locks down and he’d had to watch helplessly on the monitor as River would be there, sometimes alone, sometimes with a younger version of himself.

“Please,” he begged desperately, “I can’t take this anymore. I know you’re upset. I know what you’re doing but _please _just take me to Luna.” He emphasised the final part by slamming his hand down hard against the console, “_Please_.”

Again, the Tardis remained impassively silent until the Doctor felt what he could only describe as a kind of mental shrug and moments later she landed. Scrabbling to his feet, the Doctor grabbed hold of the monitor and switched on the outside view. Exhaling in relief when he saw the familiar landscape of Luna appear, he leant forward and placed a fervent kiss on the screen before dashing over to the doors.

The Tardis had landed in a small corridor that he dimly recognised as part of the archaeology department. He flew around the corner and bounded up the stairs two at a time, almost knocking over two students coming the other way in his haste.

“Sorry, sorry,” he muttered as they glared at him.

Dashing down the corridor towards River’s office, he skidded abruptly to a halt just a few metres away. The door to her office was propped open and through it, instead of his wife beckoning him from her desk as had happened on numerous occasions in the past, there were two men and a woman busy packing up the contents of the office into boxes.

Gaping at them in horror for a moment, he took a step forward into the doorway. “What the hell are you doing?” he exclaimed.

Turning around to look at him, one of the men paused as he was pulling down books from one of the many bookcases that lined River’s office.

“We’re packing all this up,” he explained, gesturing around him, “New professor arriving at the end of the week. Got to be all cleaned up before then.”

“But…but…what…where’s Professor Song?” he managed to choke out, a sudden dread filling him as the other three all suddenly stopped what they were doing and stared at him.

Glancing awkwardly at the other two, the man who’d spoken up originally turned to face him properly. “Oh…you haven’t heard?”

“Heard what?” the Doctor whispered.

“I’m sorry, I thought everyone knew,” the other man continued, lifting a hand and rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously, “They made an announcement and everything. It’s been weeks now.”

“Knew what?”

“She’s ummm… Well she went off to this expedition to this giant Library place or something and unfortunately…”

The Doctor didn’t wait to hear the end of the sentence however. Backing away, one hand over his mouth in horror, he stumbled almost blindly back down the corridor. He pushed numbly past a group of laughing students who were going the other way.

“Here, watch where you’re going grandad!” one of them glared at him as they jostled past him.

Glancing up from his stupor, the Doctor suddenly felt wave of rage engulf him. Lunging forward, he grabbed the man who’d spoken to him by his shirtfront and pushed him up against the nearest wall.

“I am _not _your grandad,” he snarled through gritted teeth as he gripped tightly onto the other man’s shirt.

“Hey, hey, chill out mate!” the other man held up his hands apologetically, a look of alarm on his face, “I was only joking.”

Shaking his head, the Doctor suddenly relaxed his grip as he realised exactly what he was doing. “I’m sorry,” he half-whispered as he released the other man’s shirt and staggered backwards. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was...Are you okay?”

Adjusting his shirt, the student shrugged uneasily as the Doctor wrung his hands agitatedly, “It’s alright, just take it easy yeah?”

Nodding mutely, the Doctor watched as the group headed off down the corridor, only glancing back once or twice in his direction. Running his hands despairingly through his hair, he turned and fled back to the Tardis, stumbling through the doors and collapsing on the stairs, not even bothering to look up at the monitor as the ship took flight into vortex.

\---

Glancing up, Clara saw the Tardis appear in its usual spot and smiled. She put down the magazine she was reading, chucked the remnants of her tea down the sink and grabbed her jacket as she ran out the door.

“So, how was dinner?” she called as she closed the Tardis door behind her, “Tell me all the details…actually hang on, rethink. No, I don’t want any details thank you very much.”

Stepping up towards the console, she looked around, expecting to see the Doctor fiddling with the controls but instead it was empty. “Doctor?”

Shrugging, she settled herself down in one of the chairs to wait for the Doctor to reappear. After ten minutes however, there was still no sign of him. Tapping her foot impatiently on the floor, she resisted the urge to go and search for him and instead stared up at the patterns on the ceiling. Another five minutes later though, she had had enough.

“Right Doctor, where have you got to?” she muttered to herself, standing up from the chair and heading out of the console room.

Wandering down the hallway, she glared suspiciously at the walls, “You’d better not be leading me on a wild goose chase to the dustbins like that other time,” she warned.

The Tardis remained silent as if insulted.

“Or he’d better not be naked either,” Clara added as an afterthought with a slight shudder, “Alone or with company.”

Sighing as she made her way down the corridor, she eventually came to a door she hadn’t seen before that was slightly ajar. Stopping in front of it, she looked at the intricate wooden patterns on the door for a moment.

“Doctor?” she called hesitantly as she heard a low groan from inside. Not hearing an answer, she tentatively pushed open the door further, “I’m coming in, you’d better have all your clothes on.”

Stepping inside, she took in the small, cosy study. Bookcases lined all the walls and were stuffed full of books, curios and knickknacks. A large wooden desk was in one corner and an armchair and sofa were in front of an empty fireplace.

Slumped down on the floor, his head lolling to one side and his back resting against the sofa was the Doctor.

“Doctor?”

“River?” he slurred hopefully, lifting his chin slightly and turning towards Clara.

“No, it’s me, Clara,” she said, frowning at him in worry as she stepped inside the room and gingerly picked her way through the mess of books and papers that looked like they had been swept onto the floor in fight or fit of anger.

“Oh,” he sighed as his head slumped back down onto his chest again.

“Doctor, what’s the matter?” Clara asked in confusion, “What are you doing in here?”

“I am sitting here on the floor Clara Oswald,” he glared fuzzily up at her and wagged a finger in her direction, “That is perfectly…_hic_…obvious.”

Staring at him for a moment, Clara glanced down at the bottle that he was clutching in one hand. “Are you…are you _drunk_?” she asked incredulously.

“Pah,” he scoffed, holding up the bottle and squinting at it to see how much was left, “I’m a Time Lord, we can’t get drunk.”

Rolling her eyes at him, Clara reached out and grabbed the bottle as he was about to put it to his lips. “Alright, I think that’s enough for you.”

“Hey!” he exclaimed, swiping clumsily at the bottle as Clara moved it out reach, “Now, that’s just _rude_.”

“What are you doing?” Clara demanded, “I thought you and River were going for a nice romantic dinner? What happened? What did you do?”

Closing his eyes, the Doctor let his head fall back against the sofa. “Nothing,” he mumbled.

“Doctor, it’s clearly not nothing,” Clara retorted, looking at him properly and taking in his dishevelled state for the first time. He’d taken his coat off, his waistcoat was half unbuttoned and his bowtie was hanging loosely around his neck. “You’re sitting in the dark, _drunk_ and you look…well frankly you terrible,” she said bluntly as he lifted his head up and opened his eyes to glare blearily at her.

Kneeling down beside him, Clara tentatively reached out to hold one of his hands, “What happened Doctor?” she asked again more gently this time.

“She’s gone,” he whispered after a few moments.

“River?” Clara asked softly, waiting as he nodded.

Inhaling deeply, he continued shakily, “When I left you, she came back and something… I don’t know…something had happened and then we were arguing. I mean we’ve argued before. Of course we have, but never like that. I don’t know… I don’t know what happened and then suddenly she was saying goodbye and it felt…it felt like this wasn’t just goodbye for now but _forever _and…”

“Oh Doctor,” Clara whispered as he broke off, closing his eyes in anguish.

Taking a few deep breaths to control his breathing, he opened his eyes again and stared blankly into the fireplace. “I tried to follow her; the Tardis should have been able to track her but…”

“But what?” Clara prompted as he faltered.

Sighing, he glanced up at her before dropping his gaze to his hands. “River is…well, the Tardis is very protective of her, it’s complicated.”

“I knew she had favourites!” Clara muttered to herself, shaking her head with a wry grin.

Nodding ruefully, the Doctor continued. “River and I, our relationship has always been… well, complicated at best, and downright almost impossible at worst. We’ve been going in near opposite directions, save for a few exceptions, for so long. It wasn’t always easy.”

“What do you mean? Opposite directions?”

“We’re both time travellers,” the Doctor explained, his voice barely above a whisper now, “But we travelled the opposite way. As I got older, she mostly got younger and vice versa.”

“But that’s awful!” Clara exclaimed, staring at him in horror, “It’s just like you’re forgetting each other as you go along!”

Smiling brokenly, the Doctor shook his head wistfully, “Sometimes it was. Sometimes it was terrible. But there were other times, a lot of the time really, when it was… it was simply wonderful.”

“So, what happened after you argued?” Clara prompted him softly after a few moments as he stared down at his hands again.

Looking up at her guiltily for a moment, the Doctor swallowed heavily before dropping his gaze back to his hands. “There were times I haven’t always been a good husband…Not like that!” he added quickly as Clara suddenly glared at him in surprise, “But there were times, especially when I was young, when I tried to run away from it all, from her. I was young and so _stupid_,” he added bitterly.

“Yep, sounds like it,” Clara nodded in agreement.

“Anyway, I tried to follow River but she,” he gestured angrily at the walls, “She took me on a grand tour of all the idiotic things I’ve done to River over the years.”

“Wow,”

“And apparently there were quite a few of them,” he finished with a hollow laugh.

“You know I think I’m warming to your ship after all,” Clara remarked dryly.

“I thought she was just trying to make a point, I didn’t think it was really over,” he mumbled, dropping his head and bringing his hands up to cover his face as what sounded suspiciously like a sob escaped his lips.

“What do you mean?”

The Doctor took in a few deep breaths, trying to calm his breathing as his shoulders shook, “I told you before didn’t I, that when I first met River she died,” he said eventually, lifting his head to look at Clara who nodded silently, “She, the Tardis, finally took me to Luna, the university where River works, but it was too late…”

“Too late?”

“She had already gone, she was already dead,” the Doctor whispered, “I’ve finally, really properly, used up all my time with her.”

“Oh Doctor,” Clara murmured as his face crumpled again and she pulled him into a hug, “I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she ran a hand soothingly over his back.

After a few minutes, he pulled away, taking in a deep ragged breath and trying to compose himself. “I’m sorry Clara, I shouldn’t be burdening you,” he ran a hand over his face and tried to muster up a convincing smile, “Look you’re here, let’s do something. How about that supernova I promised you last week that we missed or…”

“Doctor, we don’t need to do anything, we can just stay here,” Clara cut in gently.

“No, no,” he insisted, shaking his head, “You don’t want to see any more of my moping. Let’s go out.”

“OK, we can go out,” Clara relented with a small sigh, “But there’s one condition?”

“Name it!”

“_Please, _please have a shower first!” Clara giggled as he stared at her in mock outrage, “You smell like a tramp in a brewery.”

Grumbling to himself, the Doctor got to his feet and reached down to pull Clara up after him. “Rightio, I won’t be long,” he called over his shoulder as Clara settled herself down in one of the armchairs and picked up one of the books strewn across the floor.

“Take your time,” she called cheerily, “I’ll entertain myself with…” she turned the book over to look at the cover, “…_Mating and co-habiting rituals of the Sandorans_. Seriously?!”

He was just at the door when suddenly Clara froze, the book she had picked up falling to her lap half open, “Doctor, what did you say earlier?”

“Hmmm, sorry?”

“Before, what did you say about the university where River works? What did you call it?”

Frowning, the Doctor turned back to her, his hand still on the door handle, “Luna, why?”

“But is that the university or the planet or what?” she asked urgently.

“No, it’s the name of the university and it’s on the moon, clearly,” the Doctor explained with a shake of his head, a hint of irritation in his voice, “But I don’t really see why that’s so important in…”

“River doesn’t work there!” Clara interrupted him.

“What do you mean? Of course she does.”

“No,” Clara replied insistently, “Ramone told me she’s a professor at New Oxford.”

Letting go of the door handle, the Doctor swallowed heavily before shaking his head again, “No, that can’t be right, it can’t be.”

“It is right Doctor, she’s been a visiting professor there for a couple of years now,”

“But, he might have been lying, he could have just been saying that to distract you or…” the Doctor trailed off, running his hands agitatedly through his hair but a note of hope had crept into his voice.

“No, he definitely works there,” Clara shook her head, “He even gave me his business card…not sure why men _still _think that’s impressive even in the future but still. He even told me the year and everything.”

The Doctor stared at her for a moment, his fingers flexing by his side as if he was trying desperately to rein in the nervous energy flowing through him. “But, what if… what if she doesn’t want to see me or there’s a reason that she…” he tailed off nervously.

“She might not want to see you,” Clara acknowledged gently, “But don’t you want to try?”

He fidgeted anxiously for a few moments more, his hands twitching by his sides still while various conflicting emotions raged across his face. After a moment though, he took a deep breath and stood up straight, reaching up to straighten his bowtie before remembering it was still undone.

“Well?” Clara asked.

“Well, I had definitely better shower now,” he replied, allowing himself a small tentative smile before turning smartly on his heel and heading purposefully out the door.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst! I'm sorrrry! But maybe, maybe, just a glimmer of hope at the end ;)
> 
> As always, hope you enjoy and comments make lockdown more bearable!


	15. I keep the dream in my pocket, never let it fade away

\--

_Sighing heavily to herself, River tried to focus on the book she was reading. She had re-read the same paragraph at least seven times now, and, frankly, was still none the wiser on the burial rituals of the ancient Mesopotamians. Glancing up once more at the door, she rolled her eyes and admitted defeat, tossing the book to one side. Slumping back on the sofa, she shook her head at her behaviour. What was she doing moping like this? She was out of prison now, a free woman. She could go anywhere, not that prison had particularly restricted her in that sense either. But still, she had thought, just this once, he might appear on time…_

_Nodding resolutely, she suddenly pushed herself up off the sofa. She wasn’t going to stick around here any longer. She’d go out and do something fabulous. Maybe find Jack, seek out some trouble or hit up a bar somewhere in the galaxy. _

_She was just heading out the living room when she suddenly heard the familiar sound of the Tardis engines landing in her garden. Unable to suppress the smile that sprang to her face immediately, she turned on her heel and quickly made her way over to the door. She pulled it open and nonchalantly leant against the doorframe, waiting for her husband to appear from the blue box that now sat in the middle of her herb garden._

_Right on cue, the door to the Tardis opened and the Doctor bounded out._

_“River Song!” he declared, looking far too pleased with himself, “Get dressed and prepare to be amazed.”_

_Schooling her features into a faint smirk, River crossed her arms and simply raised an eyebrow at him. “Special occasion is it?”_

_Grinning back at her, he sauntered over to the doorway and leant in close, one arm resting above her head on the doorframe, “With you dear it’s always a special occasion,” he leaned in further and tapped her gently on the nose, “But today is particularly special.”_

_Resisting the urge to just pull him in and snog the smug grin from his face, River unfolded her arms and slowly ran her hands up his chest and then looped them around his neck. “And why is that Doctor? Is there a special discount on fezzes somewhere? You’ve found a two for one offer on tweed jackets?” she asked archly as his hands settled on her waist._

_“Ooh actually that does sound quite exciting,” the Doctor admitted as he pulled her in closer, “But no, not that,” he added hastily as River glared up at him, “Happy anniversary wife,” he murmured with a grin, a matching smile lighting up her face as he leant down and pressed his lips to hers. _

_“Happy…anniversary…sweetie,” she murmured back delightedly between kisses as he tightened his grip on her waist and pushed her back against the doorframe. Threading her fingers through his hair, River kissed him back enthusiastically as his hands skimmed lightly up her sides._

_Breaking away breathlessly after a few moments, River gasped as his mouth moved to her neck, his tongue trailing leisurely down towards her collarbone. “Sweetie, unless your anniversary present is putting on a show for my neighbours, maybe we should move this…OH…inside…”_

_Tearing himself away from her with a groan, the Doctor shook his head, his hands coming back to rest on her waist. “Distracting woman. No, no, I have plans.”_

_Still catching her breath, River untangled her fingers from his hair, one of her hands coming round to straighten his bowtie. “You love distractions.”_

_Catching her hand, he brought it up to his lips and placed a tender kiss on the knuckles. “I love **your** distractions,” he growled softly, watching as her eyes widened at the half-admission before she hid it by smirking shamelessly back at him. Still holding her hand, he began to back away towards the Tardis pulling her with him, “But today Dr Song, I am not being distracted by you. You don’t get a one hundredth wedding anniversary every day after all.”_

_Pulling up short suddenly, River just stared at him, “One hundred?”_

_“Yes. What is it? I haven’t got the day wrong have I?” he asked anxiously._

_Shaking her head slowly, River bit her lip as she stared at him, “No sweetie. It’s just… it’s a hundred years for me as well. I don’t think we’ve ever had a linear anniversary before.”_

_Moving back towards her, the Doctor let go of her hand to bring his up to cradle her face, his thumbs gently stroking her cheeks, “I know… I’m sorry. But I wanted to do this one properly.”_

_“You didn’t have…”_

_“Yes, I did,” he cut her off firmly before pressing a tender kiss to her lips, “You deserve this River. And so much more. And please, don’t tell yourself otherwise.”_

_River looked up at him, meaning to brush off his words with a sassy comment, but the intensity with which he was staring at her made her hesitate for just a moment. “Thank you,” she breathed as he leant his forehead against hers._

Shaking her head angrily, River brought herself back to the present. She had to stop this daydreaming. The first couple of weeks after she had fled the Tardis hadn’t been so bad in that respect. Well, they had been awful but in a different way. Once she had reappeared in her own rooms, she had allowed herself the rare luxury of emotionally falling to pieces. She had stumbled into the shower, still dressed and had broken down and sobbed. Really, truly sobbed in a way she hadn’t let herself do since she lost her parents after Manhattan. Eventually she had dragged herself out of her clothes, out of the shower, drunk most of a bottle of wine and fallen into bed. When she woke up at some point the following day, she had determinedly thrown herself into her work. She was close to solving the final riddle of this amulet now and she had whole-heartedly embraced the challenge of having something else to think about.

However, for the past week or so now her thoughts had been drifting inevitably back to the Doctor. She had replayed their conversation in her head over and over, countless times now. She was torn between wanting him to show up so she could continue their argument anew with fresh material and desperately wanting him to turn up, beg her forgiveness and they would tumble into bed like they had done after so many arguments in the past. It had been four weeks now and he hadn’t appeared. A part of her wasn’t surprised. As she was leaving, she had mentally begged the Tardis not to let him follow her. She was trying to ignore the small part of her though that was bitterly disappointed. If he had really wanted to find her, really truly wanted to, then he would’ve found a way. No, he wasn’t coming for her and she needed to accept that.

What had not helped either in the last week or so was that she had been plagued by dreams, both while asleep and now daydreams. She’d read a sentence in a book and it would remind her of an adventure they’d had, a restaurant they had been to or a spectacular date somewhere because ‘_Riverrrr….this supernova is exploding NOW and we need to go see it…’_.

Scrubbing her hand over her eyes with irritation, River unclenched her fist from the broken fragment of the necklace she’d been holding. She’d taken it with her from where she’d found it on the floor of their bedroom and had still been holding it tight all through their argument. She’d flung it down on floor when she had arrived back in her rooms but had just found it again under her desk this morning. He’d given it to her over dinner for their one hundredth anniversary when they’d finally made it out of the Tardis after just one or two further distractions in the console room… and then the shower.

Deliberately putting the necklace down on the desk, she pushed it out of her eyeline and turned her attention back to the text she was reading. She felt that she was on the verge of cracking the puzzle but every time she thought she was there, something else would crop up to muddy the waters. It was like trying to trying to do a jigsaw puzzle in the dark, she felt she was scrabbling around with only half the relevant information most of the time. She pushed the book aside and pulled the four pieces of the amulet towards her. She laid them out in front of her in the order she’d found them before idly picking up one of the stones and bringing it up to her eyeline. Peering at it closely, she still couldn’t find anything unusual about its appearance despite staring at it for perhaps a thousand times this past month.

Sighing she put it back down on the table and made to sweep them all to one side. Just as she was doing so however, she paused and looked closely at the configuration they’d fallen into. Staring at them more closely, she shook her head, “No, it can’t be that can it?” she murmured to herself as she quickly reached for her tablet and typed a few words into the search function. She tapped her other hand anxiously on the desk as she waited for the various search items to load. Quickly flicking down to the right article, she briefly scanned it before falling back in her seat with a soft laugh. “So,” she hummed thoughtfully, “That’s where this is leading.”

\--

“Clara, are you sure this is the right year?”

“Yes, Doctor, I’m sure.” Clara rolled her eyes at him as he asked the same question for the third time that minute.

“Yes, but what about…”

“Doctor,” Clara cut him off insistently, “I’m sure. Now stop… procrastinating and get out there!”

Adjusting his bowtie nervously, the Doctor stood up straighter and glared at her. “I am _not _procrastinating.”

“Well, you’re certainly doing a very good imitation of it,” Clara muttered as he ignored her and peered at his reflection in the mirror once more, smoothing a hand over his hair again.

Standing up, he took a deep breath, tugged on his jacket lapels and strode purposefully towards the door. “Right, come on then Clara, let’s go see New Oxford.”

Pulling open the doors, he stepped out the doors and stopped.

“Err Doctor?” Clara stared around at the deserted crypt they had landed in.

“Hmm, I was aiming for the Archaeology Department,” he admitted, scratching his head, “I think I’ve slightly overshot.”

Rolling her eyes once again at him, Clara nudged him gently on the shoulder before setting off for the steps in the far corner.

Ten minutes later, they emerged, slightly dustier than before, in a forgotten corner of one of the department storerooms.

“Here we are!” the Doctor announced, brushing the dust off his trousers and gesturing around.

“Err, I think this is still a store cupboard,” Clara muttered, shaking her head at him, “That’s why there’s no one here.”

“Oh, I thought that was just the archaeology putting everyone off,” he shrugged as he grabbed hold of the door handle and pulled it open.

“You know, you’re terribly rude about archaeologists given that you’re married to one,” Clara remarked as he ushered her through the door.

The Doctor opened his mouth to retort something but before he could there was a surprised exclamation.

“Clara? Doctor?” They both turned abruptly as Ramone headed towards them, looking at them in surprise, “What are you doing here?”

“Ramone!” Clara’s face lit up in delight, “Oh we just thought we’d pop in to see…”

“Where’s River?” the Doctor cut in abruptly, “She is here isn’t she?”

“Yes, of course she is,” Ramone replied, frowning at him in confusion, “But, just to warn you, she’s been in an absolutely foul mood for the last month.”

“The last month?”

Ramone nodded before realisation suddenly dawned on his face, “Oh is that why… was that because of you?” The Doctor had the grace to look slightly sheepish as Ramone stared at him. “Wow,” he added, “I hope you’ve got some protective armour on under that tweed jacket.”

Twenty minutes later, the Doctor and Clara stood outside River’s apartment where the Doctor was attempting to sonic open the lock. River hadn’t been in her office so they had eventually tracked down her rooms in college but there had been no reply to several minutes of frantic knocking on the door.

“Are you sure we should be trying to break in?” Clara asked in worried hiss, “It sounds like she’s pretty cross with you.”

Gritting his teeth, the Doctor fiddled with the settings on the sonic before trying again, “Mmmmhmm… no it’s fine…I’ve done this plenty of…ah ha!”

The locks clicked and the door swung open.

“River?” the Doctor called tentatively as he entered inside. There was no answer. Stepping further into the short hallway, he walked into the main living area, casting a searching eye around.

There was an empty wine glass on the table and few scattered books but nothing particularly out of the ordinary. Wandering through the rooms, he pushed the door open to the study and made his way over to the large desk in the corner, Clara following just behind him.

He reached out a hand to leaf through the various papers and texts on the surface, scanning for anything unusual.

“Ooh this is very nice.” The Doctor turned his head towards Clara and froze as she picked up a necklace from where it was half-hidden by a stack of papers. “I think your wife has much better taste in clothing and jewellery than you do Doctor.”

Starting suddenly, the Doctor sprang forward and grabbed the necklace from Clara, holding it reverently in the palm of one hand.

_She’s lying, naked, draped across his chest, while his fingers idly play with her hair. They’ve made it to their secluded villa after dinner in one of the most exclusive restaurants in the galaxy. Suddenly River pushes herself upright and he makes a small whinging sound at the loss of contact with her. She gets up off the bed and throws him a knowing grin over her shoulder. Bending down, she rummages in the pile of clothes at the side of the bed._

_“Riverrr,” he whines plaintively, “No wearing clothes. That’s the rule for one-hundredth wedding anniversaries.”_

_She ignores him and picks up a small box from the pocket of her dress before turning back to the bed. “Can I wear this?” she asks suggestively, raising an eyebrow as she slinks back onto the mattress and holds the box out to him._

_Pushing himself up to a seated position, he takes the box from her and opens it, gently removing the necklace from the velvet-lined box. Gesturing for her to turn around, he undoes the clasp and gently fastens it around her neck as she holds her hair out the way._

_“It’s beautiful,” she murmurs as she looks down admiringly at the dark stones and the way the patterns within them catch the light, “Thank you sweetie,”_

_“They’re made from residue from the largest supernova ever to exist in the known universe,” his voice is low and deep by her ear as one of his hands traces softly over the stones where they rest just above her collarbones, “I had it made specially.”_

_She twists her head slightly so their noses are brushing, “I love it,” she whispers against his lips as his hand starts to trail down from the necklace between her breasts and…_

“Doctor!” Clara’s voice suddenly cut through his reminiscence.

“It’s nothing, not important,” he shook himself and put the necklace back down carefully on the desk, “She’s not here,” he muttered bitterly as he turned away, “Come along.”

“But this is her apartment right?” Clara asked as he strode over to the door.

“Yes, but _she’s _not here,” he repeated darkly as Clara hurried along after him.

“But we can just wait for her can’t we?” Clara called after him in puzzlement at his sudden change in mood, “Or she might be elsewhere in the university it…”

Spinning abruptly on his heel to face her, the Doctor stopped and ran his hands through his hair. “Clara,” he said slowly, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, “I know you mean well and you want me to find her but the universe doesn’t always work like that and…”

“Doctor?” Clara prompted as he trailed off and suddenly stared at her.

“No, it can’t be,” he whispered to himself, shaking his head.

“Doctor?” Clara called again as he pushed past her and almost ran back to the study.

Striding over to the desk, he grabbed the necklace again, this time with slightly shaking hands and held it up to look at it more closely.

“What are you doing?” Clara shook her head at him as she followed him back into the room, “I thought you said that wasn’t important?”

“Look at it!” he demanded, holding up the necklace.

“It’s… a beautiful necklace?” Clara shrugged in confusion, “Doctor what is the matter with you?”

“Yes, but it’s broken, look,” he said excitedly, pointing to the jagged end of the chain, “I gave this to River, many many years ago. There should be more stones than this and the clasp is all broken.”

“Well so what?” Clara frowned at him, “That’s probably why she’s got it here instead of in her bedroom? So she can get it mended.”

“No,” he shook his head, “That’s not possible.”

_He slowly pushes open their bedroom door and stands in the doorway for a few moments. The air hangs heavily and there’s already a fine layer of dust covering the surfaces. He hasn’t been in here for months, maybe even years. Hadn’t wanted to accept that it really was over, their time was all used up._

_He takes a few steps into the room and pauses. Everything is exactly the same as the last time. There’s a few scattered clothes on the floor, a half-empty mug on the bedside-table and even an old piece of pottery River had kept from a dig._

_His feet take him further into the room, drawn towards the vanity. He runs his hand over the jewellery and keepsakes scattered over the surface. In the dim light, he suddenly catches sight of her favourite necklace. Picking it up with trembling hands, he traces his fingers over the dark stones with their intricate swirling patterns, remembering the look on her face when he first gave it to her._

_Suddenly a wave of anger and grief wells up inside him and he crushes the necklace in his hand. Choking down the sob that threatens to escape his throat, he flings the necklace down on the floor, ignoring the way the clasp springs open and some of the stones scatter as he flees the room._

“Not possible?”

“I broke it,” the Doctor whispered, half to himself, “After River was…after she died. It was in our bedroom.”

“But couldn’t she have just found it?” Clara asked with a frown, “Before she died?”

“No, no, that’s not how the Tardis works,” the Doctor shook his head excitedly, “In her timeline, the necklace should still be whole, not broken. Unless…”

“Unless what?”

“Unless,” he breathed, a smile of pure delight breaking out slowly over his face, “She’s no longer dead.”

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone as usual for all the lovely comments and kudos. I hope you enjoy this one. It's a little bit different and not a HUGE amount happens I know, although obv some important plot development. Someone mentioned they wanted some Doctor/River and I knew that wasn't coming up yet but hopefully this satisfies that slightly!
> 
> Thanks as always for everyone who is sticking with this story, your comments and encouragement really do keep me going!


	16. tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies

“Sorry,” Clara shook her head in confusion, as the Doctor paced frantically in front of her in River’s study, “Can you just run that by me again? You uploaded your wife to a _computer?_”

“Not just any computer,” the Doctor corrected her, “The Library – a planet, not just a library – huge huge database. I’d given her a screwdriver, like mine, and uploaded her consciousness.”

“Oh, like a virtual reality?”

“Hmm, kind of. In a way.”

“So, how has she got out?”

“I’m not sure,” the Doctor muttered, running his hands through his hair, “_If_ she has got out. Her body was…” he shuddered slightly before continuing, “Her body was damaged, it would’ve needed something very advanced, something capable of healing those wounds…And I still don’t know if she really is…”

“Right ok, well anyway,” Clara again frowned at him, “So, long ago you met your wife, she died and you used your screwdriver to upload her consciousness into this big super computer…”

“Her screwdriver,” the Doctor interrupted, “But yes.”

Rolling her eyes at him slightly, Clara continued, “Ok and then you meet each other backwards in order for…”

“Well not _totally _backwards,” the Doctor interrupted again, “We did tend to cheat quite a bit and then there was the whole thing in Berlin which was…”

“Doctor!” Clara glared at him.

“Sorry, sorry!”

The Doctor held up a finger and mimed zipping his lips shut as Clara shook her head at him.

“OK, so you carry on meeting out of order until eventually you use up all your days and then she goes off to the Library, right back at where you began? Is that right?” The Doctor nodded, still pacing back and forth, “But then now you think she might be…might be…not dead?” he nodded again, “Since when?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “When we saw her after that earthquake, I asked her and… _the Doctor turned back towards them “River, have you… I mean… when are… we haven’t done diaries” he mumbled hesitantly, looking up at her anxiously._

_Pausing for a moment, River tensed slightly “Manhattan” she lied, looking him in the eye before glancing away again but not before she noticed him flinch slightly “We’ve done Manhattan” she repeated more firmly… _So I thought, but I suppose she just said we had _done _Manhattan, she didn’t say what else.”

“So Manhattan was… before…” Clara asked tentatively as he nodded.

“But then when we ran into her on Santopolis Minor, when there was that _thing _with the poison and she…”

“She drugged us,” Clara cut in bluntly.

“Hmm, yes that, but she avoided it didn’t she? I asked her and she said… “_Oh, well they invited me here now,” River led the way up a small staircase and down another corridor before pausing to unlock a door, “Best-selling archaeologist in this part of the galaxy don’t you know,” she added with a wink at Clara as the Doctor rolled his eyes._

_“And… when are we?” he asked tentatively as River led them into a suite of rooms where she’d obviously been staying “we haven’t done diaries.”_

_“In a minute sweetie,” River dismissed him, walking over to a small side table “I want to show you something first.”_

“And then she drugged us,” Clara repeated, raising her eyebrow at him.

“Yes, yes. Well, River always was fond of the odd psychotropic here and there,” he dismissed with fond shake of the head, “But then when did we next see her… it wasn’t until just recently was it…and what did she say then…”

_Looking up at her for a long moment, he opened his mouth as if to speak before closing it again, having obviously decided not to pursue that line of thought “We haven’t done diaries” he said instead, frowning slightly and patting down his coat pockets to try and find his diary “Sorry, it’s been… it’s been a while since I saw you…”_

_“Me too sweetie” River replied softly, as he finally pulled out his very battered and very old diary and began to carefully turn the pages._

_“Hmm clearly after that” he muttered to himself “And that. Oh and you’ve met Clara haven’t you so…”_

_“Hmmm well that might be spoilers I suppose. You were very young last time I saw you though” River interrupted quickly_…

“Her diary!” he suddenly exclaimed, stopping in the middle of his pacing.

“Her what?”

“River’s diary,“ he repeated urgently, “She takes it everywhere, or she certainly used to. It was… ours… our life together…but I haven’t seen it.”

“What do you mean?”

“We’re out of order,” the Doctor explained, running his hands excitedly through his hair, “So we would always check where we were. What we had each done. River would always have her diary but I haven’t _seen _it. I haven’t seen it at all! Ohhh I am getting _slow _and old!”

“I will remind you of that,” Clara muttered to herself in amusement as he spun round to face her, “So?”

“So,” he declared, a slow grin spreading over his face as he nodded, “Her diary! She left it behind in the Library when she… afterwards… and she doesn’t have it anymore! She’s been avoiding answering me when I’ve asked her because she doesn’t _have _it anymore!”

“Which means she’s definitely after the Library?”

“Precisely!” he grinned delightedly at her, “So now, we just have to figure out what she’s been doing?”

Clara watched him twirl around, muttering to himself before heading back over to the desk, flicking through the various papers and texts that were still scattered over the surface.

“Doctor,” she said hesitantly after a few moments.

“Hmmm?”

“I was just wondering,” she continued slowly as he turned over various papers and texts on the desk, “It’s just… if River really _is _alive and after the Library then… why hasn’t she told you?”

For a moment the Doctor froze but then he carried on his search, “Oh you know, probably timelines or something,” he dismissed casually, picking up a large book and sniffing it, “Maybe she didn’t know how far along I was.”

“Really?” Clara persisted, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Well yes, otherwise…”

“Otherwise what?”

“Nothing,” the Doctor shook his head, frowning slightly to himself before huffing slightly and flinging himself down in River’s desk chair. Sighing heavily, he ran a hand through his hair before looking up at Clara. “I don’t know,” he admitted after a few moments.

“You don’t know…”

“I don’t know why she hasn’t told me,” he said worriedly, playing idly with a corner of one of the textbooks with one hand, “I always thought… I always thought that if she ever… if she ever came back then we’d have a chance to do things properly. Normally even. But now…”

“Now?”

“Now I’m not sure she wants that,” he confessed softly, not meeting Clara’s gaze.

“But when we were on Antos, stealing that jewel or whatever,” Clara shook her head in confusion, “Remember we caught the two of you snogging in that room. She didn’t look like she didn’t want you then?”

The Doctor blushed faintly before waving his hand dismissively, “Oh that. Heat of the moment, running, adrenaline,” he mumbled, “River never could resist that.”

“Yeah I noticed,” Clara muttered to herself.

“But thinking about it,” he continued, “She hasn’t been acting normally the last few times I’ve seen her. I put that down to what happened when I thought she’d last seen me…in Manhattan…but maybe it wasn’t that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well after that earthquake, when you hurt your ankle,” he carried on, his frown deepening, “She just disappeared, without saying goodbye. And then after that, when we saw her on Santopolis Minor with the whole… drink…sedative thing…”

“Now _that _was definitely strange,” Clara cut in emphatically.

“Not _that_ strange for River,” the Doctor replied, a half-grin on his face, “But she obviously wanted us out the way, to collect her bag and… to do whatever else she did in the Tardis?” he shook his head in frustration.

“But then when we saw her at that conference, she was acting normally wasn’t she?” Clara asked.

He shook his head again. “Not properly no. When we went to the auction together it was… I don’t know… but it didn’t feel like before. She was keeping her distance and I…” he sighed, trailing off, “Oh I don’t know anymore.”

“And then what happened after you left me?” Clara asked softly, “You argued and she left?”

Slumping forward in the chair, he rested his head in his hands and sighed again, “More than argued. And I still don’t really know why… _“Then what is it?” he asked, shaking his head in frustration. “Because this is just not…not you and I don’t understand where this has come from?”_

_Looking back up at him, River sighed bitterly. “Well I’m sorry to disappoint you again then Doctor, but maybe this is me. Maybe this is something I should have said a while ago.”_

“I think she’d been wanting to say some of those things for a while now,” he said softly., a look of anguish passing over his face, “And maybe she finally had the chance to do so…_Exhaling softly, she forced herself to look back up at him “I can’t do this anymore Doctor” she shook her head as he opened his mouth to reply. “I’m sorry. It’s too hard.”_

_“Can’t do…what…no you don’t mean…” he implored frantically as he realised what she was saying._

_“I mean us Doctor” River snapped forcefully “I can’t do it anymore.”_

Sitting up straight, he bit his lip before nodding purposefully, a look of anguish and determination on his face.

“So, what are you going to do now?” Clara asked tentatively.

“Maybe,” he said slowly, closing his eyes briefly, “Maybe for once, I’m going to do as she asked.”

“Oh. What was that?”

He hesitated for a moment before steeling himself. “Leave her alone.”

\--

Cursing softly to herself, River quickly unstrapped the still smoking device from her wrist and dropped it on the ground. Kneeling down, she peered at it, jolting back quickly as it gave off a few sparks. Sighing, she reached into her bag and pulled out a heavy-duty box. Picking up the vortex manipulator carefully, taking care to avoid the sparks, she dropped it into the box and tucked it into her bag. Her chances of a quick escape seemed to have evaporated but she’d just have to worry about that later.

Standing back up again, she took in her surroundings again. She had landed on a barren, deserted planet in the far flung reaches of an obscure galaxy. There was a faint red glow from a distant sun that seemed to provide little warmth. She pulled out her scanner and did a quick overview of the area. There didn’t seem to be much here but it looked like there was a cave system underneath the large rock formation that was about half a mile in front of her.

Putting the scanner away and shouldering her pack, she set off for the caves, pulling up her collar against the chill. The scanner had given no readings of any other life forms on the planet that she could see and there were no signs of habitation or life whatsoever. There was an odd feel to the place as well. In fact, it reminded River of a small planet she had visited with the Doctor a long, long time ago. Way back when she was still in university, he had taken her out, intending to go for dinner, but instead they had ended up on a similar rocky planet. However, that time they had been rather unwelcome visitors…

_“Doctor, why are they looking at us like that?”_

_“It’s fine, no need to panic,” he replied, definitely sounding slightly panicked, “We might have just accidentally walked in to one of their holy rituals.”_

_“Holy rituals?” River hissed at him, as the group of masked figures holding large spears started heading menacingly towards them._

_“Yep, very sacred,” he muttered, “Not usually keen on visitors unfortunately.”_

_“Who are they?” River asked, “I thought this was the 34th century? They look like they’re from the Stone Age.”_

_“Ah yes. Very good question! There was an incident many centuries ago with an invading species. Big war. End result, this planet has been sort of temporally stranded.”_

_“Temporally stranded?”_

_“Yes, time has been distorted here. It only passes extremely slowly. That’s why it feels very weird here. Can’t you tell?”_

_“Now you mention it,” River muttered, as the figures edged closer towards them, “Although to be honest, my attention has been more on the people looking like they want to make us part of their holy ritual. And not in a good way.”_

_Nodding at her, the Doctor glanced around them quickly, “Yes dear, actually I think this might be the time for plan B.”_

_“Plan B?”_

_Reaching down for her hand, he laced his fingers through hers before suddenly haring off down the hill where they had come from. “Run!”_

Shaking her head at the memory, River brought her attention back to the present. Now she was closer to what she had thought were large rocks, she could now see was actually the ruins of what must have been a huge building. “Must have been a temple or something…” she muttered to herself, looking around at the fallen stones that were scattered across the ground. Picking her way carefully between the debris, she made her way to where she could see the remains of an archway and what looked like a set of steps leading down underground.

Approaching the steps, she pulled out a torch from her belt and shone it down into the darkness. She glanced around before shrugging and slowly making her way down the steps. The staircase began to spiral down into the gloom. On the walls, River could make out the remnants of carvings and attachments where once lamps or lanterns had lit the way. After a few minutes, she reached the bottom of the steps where the passageway widened slightly and led off into the darkness.

Making her way slowly along the passageway that began to slowly descend further underground, River could make out more of the strange carvings on the wall. Pausing briefly to examine them in more detail, she could now recognise some of them from the various pieces of the amulet.

She’d finally cracked the mystery of where the amulet had been leading her when she’d accidentally pushed them into a random arrangement. Previously, she had been aligning them to make up four pieces of a classical circular amulet with the result that the various markings had been meaningless. When she’d rearranged them to form a diamond shape, the markings then suddenly made sense. She had come across the pattern in the midst of all her research on the amulet but had initially dismissed it. But, looking back at it, she had been able to translate it with the aid of an old text she had found in the depths of the Tardis library. Encoded within the engravings were a set of coordinates and a time. Which was how she had found herself here. The markings were the ancient language of the Harsk – strange race that had died out sometime before the beginning of the Time War and who may or may not have had a role in bringing her mysteriously back from the Library.

Shaking her head, River continued down the passageway, the light from her torch throwing up looming shadows on the walls as the corridor twisted and narrowed the further underground she went. She paused briefly to unzip and remove her jacket as the temperature had been steadily climbing since she reached the bottom of the staircase. She closed her eyes for a moment as an involuntary shiver that had nothing to do with the temperature ran through her. There was a very odd feeling about this place. She could sense that _something _was off with the time here but she couldn’t place what exactly it was. Whatever it was or where it was coming from though, it was only getting stronger, the further she went down underground.

After another few minutes, the passage opened out into a large cavern. Shining her torch around, River could make out even more of the carvings on the walls here. In the centre of the cavern, there was also an elaborate arch that had been hewn in to the stone. Picking her way slowly across the uneven floor, River made her way over to the arch.

“Now what are you,” she murmured to herself as she ran a hand delicately over one side of the arch, her fingers tracing over the intricate engravings, “A doorway? A hiding place? A tomb?” 

A slight rustling sound from the other end of the cave distracted her and she whirled around. “Hello?” she called, shining her torch around, “Is someone there?” Peering into the darkness, the shadows seemed to leap and move around in the dark but she couldn’t make out anyone there. Again, she couldn’t shake the sensation that something felt terribly _wrong_ about this place. She couldn’t put a finger on what exactly it was or why it was making her feel so on edge but even the air here felt wrong somehow. After listening intently to only silence for a few moments, she turned her attention back to the archway.

The arch itself was carved into the surrounding rock and was about eight feet tall at its highest and about six feet wide. There were patterns inscribed onto the arch and then even more on the stonework beneath the arch. Running her hands gently over the stone, she could tell that the patterns were more densely packed in the middle of the stone arch. In fact, right in the middle there seemed to be a sort of indentation in the shape of…

Pulling her pack from her shoulders, River set the torch down on the ground and quickly rifled through the pack until she found the small velvet pouch where she’d stashed the amulet. Now she carefully pulled it out held it gently in one hand. Standing up, she picked the torch up again and gently placed the amulet in the shallow indentation in the stone. It fitted perfectly and when she pressed a little harder there was a soft click as though it was slotting into place. For a moment, River held her breath and just stared at the stone in front of her but there was nothing. Just silence.

Frowning slightly, she tucked the torch under her arm and leant forward, placing her now free hand around the amulet as well. Again, there was nothing but silence. Sighing in frustration, River was about to move her hands away but then suddenly she felt a sharp pain shooting through her hands and up her arms. Gasping in shock, she almost let go of the amulet but then there was a loud creaking noise from somewhere deep inside the walls. River took a deep breath in sharply as the stone beneath her fingers suddenly began to move, almost imperceptibly at first but then more steadily. With a loud rumble, the stone wall beneath the arch shifted backward and then swung away slightly to reveal a narrow passageway behind it.

“Ah ha,” River breathed, her eyes lighting up in wonder as the stone doorway swung to a stop, “Now what do we have here?”

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. For some reason, writing this chapter was like pulling teeth. Got there in the end though. Probably only 2-3 chapters left I think...we'll see! Your comments and feedback are, as ever, a balm to the soul!


	17. Thunder only happens when it's raining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this got longer than intended so i had to split it. i think probably only 2 chapters left now...maybe

The stone slab swung back slowly with a loud creak, as if moving on some huge invisible and rusty hinge. Unable to suppress an excited grin, River gently prised the amulet out of the shallow indent in the wall and carefully stashed it in her pack.

Holding out her torch in front of her, she stepped slowly across the archway door and into the narrow passageway. The passage was much smaller than the one that had led her down from the surface. She made her way tentatively further along, peering into the darkness as she did so. After about ten metres, the passage forked sharply to the right before opening out into a larger cavern. This had jagged walls of uneven stone which cast huge shadows when she shone her torch over them. At the far end was a smooth wall and a similar archway to the one she had come through before, although this was slightly smaller in size.

She approached this archway slowly, glancing around the cavern as she did so. As she reached the far wall, she stretched out a hand to gently run a hand over the smooth stone. Unlike the one that had let her in, this was free of engravings save for the similar indentation in the middle of the stone. As she did so however, a noise from behind her made her freeze momentarily. Whirling round, she shone her torch into the shadowy recesses of the cave.

“Is anyone there?” she called, her heart beating faster as she strained to hear or see anything in the dark.

For a moment, there was nothing as there had been nothing there previously when she thought she’d heard a noise outside. Slowly however, her eyes began to pick out something moving in the shadows of the far wall. Blinking rapidly and shaking her head, River peered into the darkness to try and make it out.

“Who’s there?” she called again, “I can see you.”

The movement stilled for a moment and then, gradually, a cloaked figure began to take form as it slowly emerged from the shadows.

“River Song,” the voice was a harsh whisper that echoed around the cave and sent an involuntary shiver down River’s spine.

“Who are you?” River demanded as the figure stopped a few metres away from her.

“Are you here alone?” the mysterious figure replied, their voice louder this time.

“Yes, as you said in your instructions,” River replied shortly, one hand automatically going to her hip where her blaster was kept, “Now who are you?”

“Haven’t you worked that one out yet?” there was a note of amusement in their voice this time.

Keeping her torch focussed on the figure in front of her, River took a quick glance around but there didn’t seem to be anyone else emerging from the shadows. “This is the lost amulet of Vraxos,” she said cautiously, nodding to her bag, “I know this is all to do with the Harsk,” she added guardedly, “But that doesn’t explain who you are. They all died.”

“Did they?”

River frowned slightly before answering. “The records are sparse I grant you, I had a hard time tracking a lot of information down. But what’s there was quite clear; that the last of the Harsk died out in a final confrontation around the start of the Time War.”

“Hmmm,” they hummed mysteriously before changing topic, “You’ve brought the amulet?”

“Of course, how else could I have opened the door,” River nodded back towards the entrance, “I’ve kept to my side of the agreement.”

“Have you?” the cloaked figure took a step further towards her, “Our instructions were quite clear. No involving the Doctor.”

“That would have been a little easier had I been given clearer instructions from the beginning,” River retorted sharply, “You knew perfectly well that those pieces of the amulet would trigger a signal to the only surviving remnant of Gallifreyan technology. He was always going to turn up wherever I was.”

“You could have worked that out.”

“It would have been easier if you had told me,” River repeated, glaring back, “Besides, I had to use him when I could. There was no other way to get those resources from the TARDIS.”

“So, that’s all it was?” they asked, voice slightly mocking time time, “We had thought you might be itching to be reunited, after being separated so long. You were married weren’t you for rather a long time?”

“That was a long time ago now.” River replied coolly.

“Ah yes,” they replied superciliously, “People change over time don’t they. Move on to newer, more exciting things.”

“As I said, that was a long time ago now.”

“Of course,” they nodded, tilting their head in mock concern, “Such a long time. Remind me, how long did he leave you in that Library computer for again?”

Swallowing slightly, River made sure her voice wasn’t going to shake before replying. “I’m sure that should be on your records somewhere. As you seem to know everything else.”

They gave a small laugh at that. “Oh, it is, don’t worry.”

“I’m not.”

“We thought you might have fallen back into old habits at one point when your paths kept crossing,” they added casually, “And then we got really worried after your antics on Antos together.”

“A girl’s got to use her resources,” River said lightly, “The Doctor’s a very useful person to know.”

The person in front of her tilted their head at her carefully for a moment or so before casually asking. “You’re not still holding a torch for him then?”

Flinching slightly, River kept her expression neutral before replying. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no. Our story is done.”

“But what a story eh?” they gestured towards her, “Still, it’s a shame after all that he couldn’t tear himself away from his newest interest to try and figure out a way to rescue you isn’t it? But then, the Time Lords were always such a cruel race.”

Clenching her fists at her side before forcing herself to relax, River breathed in deeply. “You tell me, you seem to know a lot about them.”

“Oh, I do,” they laughed suddenly, the sound filling the cavern, “And I know the Doctor. I knew he’d never come looking for you in that database. You were ours for the taking you see. Just perfect for what we needed.”

“As fascinating as this is,” River replied in a bored tone, keeping the tremor out of her voice with an effort. She would not let this stranger mock her about her deepest insecurities and fears. “I hardly see how this is relevant to all of this,” she gestured around her, “And you still haven’t told me who you are.”

The figure regarded her for a moment before slowly raising their hands and pulling back their cloak to reveal their face. River did her best to stifle a small gasp as she stared at the man, or what looked like had once been a man who now stood in front of her. His face was emaciated, his cheeks hollowed out and his skin stretched abnormally tightly over his high-domed skull that was riven with veins and scars. His eyes were virtually black as he stared back at her. “I am known as the Warden,” he hissed at her, baring the remains of his teeth, “My family have guarded this cave for centuries. We are the last of the Harsk. We have preserved our knowledge and technology until this moment. We have been waiting.”

“Waiting for wait?” River asked, a sense of foreboding settling in her stomach.

He paused for a moment before nodding at the stone archway behind her. “Do you know what that is?”

“I have an idea,” River replied guardedly, watching him carefully before answering him further, “There are various rumours, myths, it was quite hard to sort out the legend from fact especially when the source materials were so limited.”

“Well we had faith in you,” the Warden added mockingly.

Ignoring him, River continued. “As far as I could tell, the Harsk were eventually conquered and vanquished sometime during the Time War. They had sided with the Daleks and their uprising against the Time Lords was quashed. Their planet and civilisation were collateral damage in the war.”

“Collateral damage,” he spat angrily, “We were destroyed. No mercy.”

“Except the leaders, the ruling dynasty,” River said slowly, “They weren’t executed. Some of the initial sources were translated as that, but I think that’s wrong.”

“Indeed.”

“I think they were imprisoned,” River continued hesitantly, “And I think that prison is here.”

The Warden’s face creased into what River assumed was an approximation of a smile. “Very good.”

“But that was centuries ago,” River frowned as she shook her head, “They can’t still be alive in there unless…” she paused, glancing around her again, “Unless there was something about this place, about this prison…” she muttered, half to herself this time as the pieces started to fall into place. The weird sensation that something was wrong, something was seriously off in this place that had plagued her ever since she arrived. “The Time Lords…they must have done something to this place, something to…” she paused again, realisation dawning on her, “It’s time-locked isn’t it.”

“Ah, see I knew you’d get there eventually.”

“And the amulet opens it,” River carried on, nodding to herself now, “But why did you need me? There are plenty of other unscrupulous mercenaries who would have stolen you this amulet if you’d paid them enough. Why me?”

He let out a long sigh before replying. “The prison,” he nodded at the stone archway, “It’s partly Gallifreyan-made, although we have added the engravings ourselves that you saw in the outer caves. But to unlock it you need the amulet AND a Time Lord. Only Time Lord DNA will suffice. I'm sure you felt something when you opened the outer door?”

“Ah,” River exhaled softly, nodding as the realisation struck her, the jolt of pain through her as she'd opened the stone doorway, “And there aren’t many Time Lords left unfortunately are there.”

“No, indeed,” he agreed with a nod, “So we decided to get the next best thing.”

“It seems an awful lot of trouble to go to,” River remarked, looking at him sharply, “Resurrecting me from that computer just to free a load of fusty old leaders from a time-locked prison.”

“As you said, Time Lords are in short supply these days,” he shrugged, “Besides, we have spent centuries preserving the last of our craft and technology, “We wanted to…check as it were… that some of it still worked.”

River let out a mirthless laugh at that. “So, you weren’t even sure you could resurrect me properly? Well, I suppose I should be grateful it all worked out.”

“Exactly,” he nodded, “Now, to business. We brought you out of that computer. Now you repay your debt. The amulet will open that tomb.

“Hmm, well as tempted as I am to see what the fuss is all about,” River replied archly, “It seems like I have all the cards here. Tell me why I should go along with this?”

“You agreed to this,” he hissed at her.

“Yeah, contracts and me,” River shrugged nonchalantly, with an unrepentant smile, “Never did get along that well with them I’m afraid.”

“There isn’t a way out of here.”

“Oh honey,” River rolled her eyes dramatically, “There’s always a way out. Besides, if the Time Lords thought your race was so awful that it needed to be comprehensively destroyed then I’m not too sure about letting you lot loose on the universe again. I don’t have _much _of a conscience but that could be a stretch even for me.”

The Warden glared at her again before baring his teeth. “There is no other way. We have seen to it. You will not make it out of here alive if you refuse.”

“Well, there’s nothing like the threat of imminent death to liven things up.” River replied sarcastically, “If you know so much about me then you should know I have a serious reputation for getting myself out of these kinds of situations.”

“We thought you might say something like that,” he grinned that ghastly smile at her again, “Oh, and I wouldn’t bother with that if I were you,” he added as he saw her reach for her blaster, “That won’t work in here either. We knew your penchant for weaponry.”

“Sorry, I do so hate to be predictable,” River retorted flippantly, casting another glance around the cavern as she did so.

“We did think you’d have a back-up plan though,” he smirked back at her suddenly, circling round slightly to one side, “So, just in case, we had one too.”

“What do you mean?”

He gave another laugh at that, the sound sending a small involuntary shiver down River’s spine. “We thought it would be difficult at first, finding something that would deter you from escaping our clutches.”

“I told you, nothing much deters me.”

“No,” he nodded, “Although there does seem to be one constant throughout your history, doesn’t there?”

“What do you mean?” River asked warily, a sudden feeling of dread settling in her stomach.

“Your not-so-ex husband of course,” he smirked triumphantly as River’s face went pale, “We thought we’d have to lay an elaborate trap perhaps or something terribly clever,” he added, “So imagine our delight when he came straight to us.”

“What do you mean?” River repeated, her voice now a mere whisper as the Warden suddenly flung his hand out to gesture to the shadowy walls.

With an awful grinding noise that echoed round the cavern, one of the slabs of stone slowly began to move. Peering into the darkness, River couldn’t make anything out at first, her torch having begun to flicker ominously. Slowly however, two smaller slabs of stone moved from out of the shadowy wall and into the cavern. Staring as it emerged into the light, River realised with horror that there was a person bound to either of the upright stones. She couldn’t clearly see the figure on the far side from her who appeared to be slumped to one side and unconscious, but the one nearest her was very much awake, despite being bound and gagged, and was none other than the Doctor.

Gasping in horror, River started automatically as if to dart towards her but suddenly felt a sharp stab of pain shoot up her legs as if she’d had an electric shock.

“Oh, I wouldn’t move if I were you,” the warden’s steely voice cut through the thick air, “This cave is rigged with motion sensors, all controlled by me. One false step and you’ll be in agony.”

“Why is he here?” River whispered, staring at the Doctor, “And what have you done to him?” she added, taking in his dishevelled state. He’d lost his coat, his waistcoat was filthy, his shirt was ripped, bowtie hanging limply around his neck and there was a nasty graze across one of his cheeks but he was gazing at her like none of that mattered.

“I thought you didn’t care?” the Warden asked mockingly, before nodding to the other stone slab, “Although, he has brought along his newest distraction so it won’t be as cosy as just the three of us in here.”

“What do you… oh, Clara… of course,” she said softly to herself, “Why have you brought them here?” she demanded.

Tilting his head to one side, he observed her for a moment with something like amusement. “As I said, we needed a back-up plan.”

“If you needed a Time Lord then why didn’t you just bring him here all along?” River spat out, nodding at the Doctor, “Why go to all this bother with me?”

He hissed slightly in the Doctor’s direction before answering. “One of the quirks of the prison. It can’t be opened by anyone who was present when it was closed. To stop anyone betraying the location.”

“And the Doctor was here?” River glanced over at him in surprise, where he was visibly straining against the bonds, “Really? It didn’t say that in any of the texts.”

“Yes,” the warden nodded, “He might not remember. It was during the Time War. We heard his memory is…fallible let’s say from that period.” The Doctor made a strangled noise from his throat at that, clearly straining against the gag that covered the lower half of his face.

“Doctor, you…” River trailed off as she stared at him, biting her lip to try and control the emotions raging through her. How on earth was he here? He must have followed her somehow. She hadn’t thought she’d ever see him again after the way she left after their argument.

“You know, I had thought it would be better to gag him completely,” the warden mused spitefully, “But now, thinking about it, it might be fun to listen to his _pathetic _excuses. Maybe he’ll even beg you to save them?” he added scornfully, snapping his fingers as he did so and the gag that covered the Doctor’s face suddenly dropped.

“River,” he gasped out as soon as the binding dropped.

“What are you doing here?” she hissed, trying to keep the emotion out of her voice, “How did you find me?”

“I went to your rooms, in New Oxford, on your desk there were…”

“New Oxford?” River interrupted him, shaking her head in disbelief, “But how? I didn’t tell you… When did you last see me Doctor?”

He gazed at her for a moment before replying softly. “After Antos, when we… and then you left.”

“But then…” River inhaled sharply at his words, did that mean he knew _when _they were. Desperately trying to keep a rein on her emotions, she shook her head, frowning, “But how did you know where to go?”

“I always find you,” he whispered, gazing back at her, “It just sometimes takes me longer than it ought to.”

“Doctor, I…” she choked out.

“Now, as touching as this heart-to-heart is,” they were interrupted by the mockingly insincere voice of the Warden as he glanced between the two of you, “We are running out of time here and…”

“This has _nothing _to do with the Doctor,” River blurted out, glaring at him, “I’ll do what you want, just let them go.”

“No,” the Doctor exclaimed in horror, “River! Stop this, now.”

“Shut up Doctor,” she retorted fiercely, glancing at him briefly before turning back to the wall of the prison, “This is what I have to do. It’ll be fine.”

“Stop it!” he cried in frustration, struggling even more with the bindings around his arms and legs, “Just stop it and let me…”

“This is _not _about you,” River snapped, “I know you think everything is Doctor, but for once can you get it into your fantastically big brain that not every single one of my decisions revolves around you.”

“But, River I can’t let you…”

“No!” she interrupted him, suddenly furious. She had had a plan and now he had turned up with Clara and had risked everything. “You are not _letting _me do anything. I am choosing to do this. You couldn’t be bothered to find a way to get me out of that computer so this is what I have to do now.”

“River, no you don’t understand,” he begged desperately, “You don’t…”

“Enough Doctor!” she hissed at him, her voice shaking with anger, “I’ve heard enough of your excuses for several lifetimes. Now,” she turned to the Warden over her shoulder, “Get them out of here and I’ll do it.”

He gave a short laugh at that. “Oh, I’m not falling for that I’m afraid,” he shook his head, “You will do this and then they will go free. But I will make this a little more interesting I think.”

“What do you mean?”

He tilted his head as if appraising the Doctor for a moment before again pressing a control on his wrist. The bindings holding the Doctor slowly fell away and he staggered forward for a moment before regaining his balance. “Now,” the warden said, holding up a finger as the Doctor made as if to move, “Behave yourself Doctor. Any sudden movements or heroic thoughts about saving your brave wife over there and I’m afraid you’ll watch your pretty little plaything,” he nodded at Clara who was still tightly bound and unconscious, “You’ll have to watch her die a rather unpleasant death.”

Both River and the Doctor watched aghast as a trail of electricity suddenly sparked down the stone above Clara’s head, stopping just a few inches before it reached her.

“No,” the Doctor whispered in horror, “No, you wouldn’t.”

“Wouldn’t I?” the warden’s voice took on a harsher tone as he stepped forward slightly towards River, “I have been waiting a _very _long time for this Doctor. I think you underestimate what I will and will not do.”

“Doctor, stay out of this,” River forced out from between gritted teeth, “I didn’t ask you to come here. I had a perfectly good plan which you have ruined. Now, stay still and don’t interfere.”

“River, no, don’t do this,” he said urgently, his fingers twitching by his side as if he wanted to reach out and grab her.

“Doctor, you…”

“No, just stop it,” he cut her off desperately, “There has to be another way. There has to be something. You can’t do this, you can’t let them out.”

Turning back from him again, River swallowed heavily. Of course, he knew what was behind that stone wall. He’d faced the Harsk once and wasn’t relishing the prospect of facing them again. Not alone and in a dark underground cave. “I’m sure you’ll manage to think of something Doctor,” she muttered, “You’ve overcome them once, I’m sure you can do it again.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s not that at all, River, please listen to me,” he implored as she ignored him and reached into her bag for the amulet, “River, this prison… I remember bits and pieces now that I’m here. There’s something else…”

“Oh, isn’t there always,” River muttered as she pulled the amulet out and shouldered the bag again, “I don’t suppose you’d put his gag back on?” she snapped at the Warden as she shot a glare at the Doctor.

“It’s a trap!” the Doctor burst out desperately as River’s head shot up to look at him properly, “The prison and the amulet, it works in a certain way,” he gabbled quickly as River continued to stare at him disbelievingly, “The way that the Harsk were trapped in that prison, if they are released, they’ll need energy from somewhere, energy to become fully…fully alive again.”

“What are you saying?” River frowned at him as he stared at her.

“They need you,” he added despairingly, clenching his fists at his side as if to stop himself from reaching out to her, “They need energy from you in order to be released. That’s how they will escape. They’ll use you -they’ll leave your body, the husk of it and maybe your mind in that tomb instead of theirs but your essence, your energy will be in them once they are released…and…

“And what?” she whispered as he trailed off, his head sinking down as he covered his face with his hands.

The Doctor paused for a moment before lifting his head up again and looking at her directly. “And there won’t be anything I can do to get you back.”

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks as always to everyone who is still reading, commenting and kudos-ing - it means absolutely everything and is most definitely appreciated! nearly there now...


	18. If I hope and if I pray, ooh it might work out someday

\--

For a moment, River froze, staring at the Doctor as he gazed imploringly back at her. “Is this true?” she asked in a low voice after a few moments, turning her gaze away from the Doctor to stare at the Warden.

“Oh dear,” he said mockingly, “The Doctor seems to have given the game away,” he lifted up his shoulders in a shrug, “Well, you didn’t think we’d just accept the amulet and let you waltz out of here? We brought you back from the dead for a purpose.”

River clenched her fists at her side and let out a long exhale, glancing quickly at the Doctor but he didn’t seem to be that surprised by that piece of information. She needed to think clearly. She’d known there had to be a catch somewhere with this strange task she’d been given but the appearance of the Doctor had thrown her off her stride. What on earth was he doing here? And why had he brought Clara along? Was she now destined to be haunted by the two of them forever more if she ever got out of this situation? And that was putting aside the issues of just _how _he had managed to find her and how he had found out she’d escaped from the Library.

“Well,” she sighed dramatically, “Not that being entombed in another prison until the end of time isn’t _terribly _appealing. But, you know, I had rather hoped for a slightly different outcome today.”

“You’re stalling and being flippant, just to distract me,” the Warden commented with a disdainful sigh, “As we thought you would. It won’t work.”

“Gosh,” River frowned in mock apology, “Again, I do hate to be so predictable.”

“There isn’t a way out I’m afraid. You can keep talking but it isn’t going to change anything.”

Glancing behind her at what was clearly the prison door, River ran her hand briefly over the indentation where the amulet should sit. She paused for a moment before turning back to face the Warden. “How do I know you’ll let them both go if I do this?”

“You don’t,” he spread his arms out and shrugged nonchalantly, “But if you don’t do this then I’ll kill them both now in front of you.”

“River, stop this,” the Doctor’s pleading voice cut through the cloying atmosphere of the cave, “You don’t have to do this. There has to be another way.”

“Really Doctor? Well, do please tell me, what is it then?” turning to face him, River fixed him with an exasperated glare that softened slightly as she saw the desperate expression on his face, “There isn’t another way,” she said more gently, shaking her head sadly.

“See, we knew you were the clever one,” the Warden said triumphantly, as the Doctor glared at him in fury, “He’s far too sentimental.”

“If I do this, if this is it,” River said hesitantly, her eyes locked on the Warden, “Then can I give him something?” she nodded at the Doctor.

“What do you want to give him? It’s not exactly the time for gifts.”

River’s hand went to her neck where she ran her fingers absently along a delicate silver chain with a dark green jewel hanging from it. “This was an anniversary gift,” she murmured, her voice soft, “If this really is our final goodbye, I’d like him to have it.”

“I didn’t think you were also the sentimental type,” the Warden scoffed, “I don’t really see…”

“River, please listen to me…” the Doctor cut in pleadingly, ignoring the Warden.

“Shut up Doctor!” she insisted, glaring at him for a moment, before turning back to the Warden, raising an eyebrow expectantly and shrugging, “What can I say? Call it a final moment of human sentimentality?”

The Warden hesitated for a moment before nodding, “No touching though,” he said quickly, “I know all about you Time Lords and your telepathy. None of that please.”

River locked eyes with the Doctor before taking the few steps towards him slowly.

“That’s close enough,” the Warden called once she was just a few feet from him.

“River, I…” he managed to choke out, staring at her in anguish.

“Shh sweetie,” she murmured, shaking her head, “You don’t need to say anything. I need to do this. There isn’t another way,” she held out her hand with the necklace in it as he slowly reached out, closing his fist over the chain as she let it fall into his open palm. “I need to do this,” she repeated softly as he opened his mouth to protest.

Stepping back from him, she retraced her steps backwards until her back was almost at the stone. She reached into her bag and rummaged around for a few moments before retrieving the amulet and then placing her bag carefully on the ground.

“Any final words?” the Warden asked with a sneer as she paused.

Looking up at the Doctor, River glanced over at Clara briefly. “Take care of her,” she said softly, “And get out of here safely. No stupid heroics.”

Holding the amulet up, she turned and held it up to the stone wall before pausing for a moment and turning back to look once more at the Doctor. He gazed at her desperately and opened his mouth as if to say something but she just shook her head. “Goodbye Doctor,” she murmured before pressing the amulet firmly into the stone as the cave was plunged into darkness.

However, instead of the stone doorway swinging open as before, there was a terrible scream as the darkness descended.

“What have you done?” the Warden’s voice howled, and there was a shuffling noise as he seemed to be moving towards her.

River dropped her hand from the amulet and grabbed her bag from the floor, quickly opening it and desperately rummaging through the contents. As her hand closed triumphantly around the object she was looking for, she let out a quick exhale. Pulling it out, she urgently activated the device but just before she did so, she felt a hand reach out to grab her. Gasping, she tried to wrench her arm away but it was too late and as she was teleported away, the person clinging to her was transported with her too.

They landed with a thud on a hard, rocky surface with the other person landing half on top of her, knocking some of the air out of her lungs. Temporarily blinded by the sudden brightness around her and struggling to catch her breath, River tried to lash out and free herself, she hadn't gotten this far just to thwarted again. She tried to free herself again but suddenly found herself being pulled upright and into a crushing embrace.

Blinking desperately, River inhaled sharply as she suddenly recognised the figure holding her. "Doctor?" she murmured as she tentatively ran her hands over the wonderfully familiar shape of her husband who was holding her so tightly to him as if he was never going to let her go again.

“You’re here, you’re alright,” he was muttering over and over into her hair, his hands running over her back as he pulled her even closer to him, “How, how did you do it?”

Shaking her head as he pulled away slightly to gaze down at her, River stared at him for a moment. “What did you do?” she asked urgently, staring up at him and then looking wildly around them, “You were supposed to go to Clara.”

“What do you mean?” he frowned, holding firmly onto to her shoulders as she tried to step away from him, “And what happened? Where are we?”

“You were supposed to go to Clara,” she repeated frantically, “Where is she?”

For a moment the Doctor just stared at her blankly before glancing around. “I…I don’t know. When you activated the amulet and it went dark, I…” he trailed off, closing his eyes briefly, “I…I thought I might be able to stop you and…“

“Oh no, no, no,” River muttered, pulling away from him and looking around desperately, “Doctor, we need to go back there. Back to the cave. We need to get Clara out.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, looking bewildered, “What happened there? _How _are we here?” he gestured around them as they now appeared to be back on the surface, some distance from the entrance to the caves.

“We don’t have time,” she shook her head firmly, “We need to get back down there. Where’s the TARDIS?”

“What! No, you can’t just…”

“Doctor!” she snapped, interrupting him, “We do _not _have time for this. Now I might not particularly care about your companions but I know you do. If you want to get Clara back alive then do as I say.”

He gaped at her for a moment before shutting his mouth and nodding once.

“Good,” she nodded back, “Now, where’s the TARDIS?”

Looking around them more purposefully, he pointed over her shoulder. “It should be just over there.”

Turning around, River nodded at him before setting off at a fast pace. As she hurtled round the corner, the Doctor caught up with her, sighing in relief as they caught sight of the TARDIS just fifty yards away.

River pulled open the doors as they darted inside, running up the steps to the console and grabbing the monitor, frantically starting to type away as the Doctor shut the doors.

“What are we doing?” he asked in confusion, as he bounded up the steps towards her, “We can’t land her down there. I tried that before but all the time distortions won’t let us.”

“You can’t,” River muttered pointedly, frowning at the screen.

“River, this isn’t a joke,” he retorted, looking suddenly anxious, “It’s not like all those times where you tell me I can’t arrive on time. This is serious.”

“Really not the time for this Doctor,” River ground out between gritted teeth as she peered up at the monitor, making a couple of adjustments on the controls before pulling down several of the levers on the console as the TARDIS took off with a shaking movement.

“River, no you…” he tailed off as the TARDIS then stopped shaking. Moving quickly round to where River was standing, he peered over her shoulder at the monitor. “But, that’s impossible… how have we… how did you _do _that?”

For the first time since she’d seen him in the cave, and in fact for the first time in a long while, River flashed him a grin. “Oh Doctor, I thought you’d given up asking that a long time ago?”

He stared at her for a moment before letting out a short laugh. “I am forever surprised by you, Professor Song,” he said fondly, holding her gaze for a moment longer than necessary.

She swallowed heavily before looking away. Now was not the time to get distracted. “I’ve landed us just outside the entrance to the cave, but we haven’t got long,” she said, staring back up at the monitor and deliberately avoiding his gaze. She took in a sharp breath when he stepped in nearer to her, looking over her shoulder. “The amulet that I put into the stone, the one you saw me put in, that wasn’t the real one.”

“But it can’t have been? How could you have got in there in the first place?”

“Not the time Doctor,” she cut in sharply, looking up at the monitor, “We’ve got about twenty seconds before I, well, earlier me,” she gestured to the monitor, “Before that fake amulet cuts all the local power sources in there for at least a couple of minutes.

“So, we can go in and get Clara?”

“Yes,” River nodded, checking her blaster before moving down away from the console and towards the door, “I think you grabbed me after just a few seconds so we should have teleported away safely. No chance of us interfering with our earlier selves, so to speak…” she paused by the door and looked at him, “This has to be quick Doctor, I can go by myself.”

“No,” he shook his head, “I’m coming.”

She shrugged before glancing at her watch. “Well, I suppose you did get us into this,” she muttered under her breath before resting her hand on the door handle. The Doctor indignantly opened his mouth to retort something but she held up a hand to hush him, “We’ve got eight seconds.”

“River, I just…”

“Later, Doctor,” she interrupted him harshly, glancing up quickly at him and then back to the door again. She couldn’t start to process the emotion she could see in his face every time he looked at her. She was only just holding onto her wits as it was and she needed keep a rein on the remaining shreds of her sanity just until they could all get out of here.

Taking a deep breath, she pulled open the door and stepped out. She had landed them just at the first entrance, by the initial archway where she’d used the amulet.

She started to make her way slowly along the short passageway to where the cave was. She had only gone a couple of steps though when she felt the Doctor lace his fingers through hers, holding on tight as they carefully picked their way down the passageway in the near blackness.

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to leave her,” the Warden’s harsh voice suddenly cut through the dark as they entered into the cave causing them both to freeze.

Fumbling at her belt, River reached for her torch and switched it on, the yellow glare suddenly lighting up the small space. They were just at the entrance at the cave. Standing a few metres away from them, his back to the wall, was the Warden. However, he had managed to free Clara from her bindings and was clutching her in front of him.

“I don’t know what you managed to do,” he continued, an ugly frown distorting his features even more than before, “But you’re not all leaving this cave alive. This one,” he gave Clara’s body a vicious shake at that, “She’s definitely not making it out of here and once I’m done with her then I’ll deal with you.”

“Let her go,” River said, her voice low and dangerous, her hand drifting automatically to her blaster, “She isn’t anything to do with any of this.”

“Yes,” the Doctor repeated, staring anxiously at Clara, “Leave her out of this.”

“Oh no, I’m afraid,” he sneered, “Not this time. Oh and that won’t work in here,” he laughed mirthlessly, nodding at the blaster River was now holding in her hand. She glanced down at it before stuffing it back in her belt with a muttered curse under her breath. “Yes, your little trick earlier has put paid to that I’m afraid. Old fashioned weapons only I’m afraid,” he added as he pressed the knife in slightly closer to Clara’s throat.

“No,” the Doctor pleaded, “You don’t need to do this. She hasn’t done anything to you.”

“You’re too sentimental Doctor,” he spat out contemptuously, pressing the knife slightly harder so that he just nicked the skin, “That’s why you never amounted to anything great on Gallifrey. Too sentimental by half. And now you’re going to watch your pretty little girlfriend die and there’s nothing you can…”

His final words though were cut off by choked sound. The Doctor stared in horror at the knife that was now protruding from his skull, lodged unerringly in between his eyes. He glanced over at River who was staring expressionlessly at the Warden as a pitiful gurgling sound emitted from his throat, the knife that he’d been holding to Clara’s throat dropping to the floor with a clang.

As the Warden’s body slid slowly down the wall, his grasp on Clara relaxed and she started to pitch forward, still unconscious. Shaking himself out of his stupor, the Doctor darted forward and caught her as the Warden’s lifeless body slumped to the floor of the cave.

“Clara, Clara,” he muttered, pushing her hair back from her face, as he cradled her body to him, “Are you alright? Can you hear me?”

“Doctor,” River said warningly, “We need to get out of here.”

“Yes, yes,” he shook his head, fishing in his pocket for his sonic, “Just let me check…”

“No, now,” she said sharply, looking around her anxiously, “I rigged that other amulet with a small explosive on a timer. I didn’t want to take any chances.”

Looking up in alarm, the Doctor met her gaze briefly before turning his attention back to Clara. “OK, let’s go,” he mumbled, stooping down and picking her up as an ominous creaking noise started to echo through the cave.

They stumbled as fast as they could back through the dark passageway and the stone arch and had just tumbled in through the doors when a loud boom shook the air. Slamming the doors shut behind them, River tore up the stairs to the console as quickly as she could, grabbing several levers on the console to send them spinning away into the vortex just in the nick of time.

As she leant heavily on the console to try and catch her breath, the Doctor staggered up the stairs carrying Clara in his arms.

“Is she…?” River nodded at Clara who was still unconscious.

He glanced down at her, ashen-faced before muttering, “Med-bay,” and then disappearing down the corridor without another word.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I THINK that this might be the penultimate chapter... can't quite believe it. Thank you to everyone who has commented and encouraged this all along, almost done now! I had planned to probably leave the rating as it is btw but do people want a slightly smuttier epilogue/ending... let me know and I'll see what I can do.


	19. but when you build your house, then call me home

\----

River turned and leant back against the console, closing her eyes and briefly leaning back as far as she could so her head could touch the rotor. She let the soothing hum of the TARDIS wash through her, calming her from within. She had followed the Doctor down to the med-bay after he had taken Clara there but had left after just a few minutes. He was fussing around Clara, scanning her and making sure she was alright. She looked to River as though she would be fine, she was just taking a little while to come around. He had been muttering to himself, fretting and taking quite studious pains to avoid looking at her so she’d escaped back here with a mumbled excuse.

Opening her eyes after a few moments, she leant down and picked up her bag. She rummaged through it and gently withdrew the real amulet, putting the bag back down on the floor. Holding the amulet in one hand, she held it up to the light, inspecting it carefully.

“Is that the real one?”

She jumped as the Doctor’s voice cut through the silence. Looking around, she saw him standing wearily in the entrance to the console room. He’d got rid of the waistcoat he’d been wearing that had been covered in dirt and was now just in his rolled up shirt-sleeves. His hair was still flopping in his face but at least the graze across his cheek was now cleaned.

She nodded as he took a few steps towards her.

“How did you do it?” he asked curiously, stopping a few feet away from her, “How did you know to bring a different amulet with you as well?”

She smiled for a moment before answering. “I do my research properly Doctor, I don’t just wander into a situation and hope a plan will materialise,” she glanced up at him pointedly at that, “I knew there would be a catch somehow.”

He stared at her for a moment, realisation dawning on his face. “You knew what they were planning?

“Not exactly,” she admitted, “But I knew I wasn’t likely to feature heavily in their survival plans. People who are used as weapons or tools rarely are.”

He looked up at her guiltily as she said that, opening his mouth as if to add something but she ploughed on quickly. ”I knew that amulet would be the key to unlocking something important, something that perhaps shouldn’t be opened. So, I came prepared. I made a spare. With just a few alterations of my own.”

He smiled slowly at that with a shake of his head. “And then, you had a very localised teleport device or something?”

She nodded. “It was that necklace, the one I gave you.”

He stared at her open-mouthed for a moment, “Oh, is that why…”

She sighed in frustration. “Yes. I thought you might realise… you never gave me that necklace after all.”

“I was a bit distracted at the time,” he said tersely, “I thought you were about to sacrifice yourself for me yet again.

“Well, I wasn’t,” she retorted, “I had a plan Doctor. It’s lucky I had brought a back-up device in my bag as well so I could activate that one. I didn’t think I’d get to you in time.”

“I’m sorry,” he shook his head in regret, “I should’ve known you’d have a plan.

“Yes, you should,” she shot back, clenching her fists tightly, “You should’ve trusted me Doctor. Once you would have done.”

“And what about you?” he suddenly retorted angrily, “What about you trusting me?”

“How could I?” she replied indignantly, “You didn’t do as I asked.”

“What do you mean?”

“I told you to go to Clara,” she muttered half to herself, turning away slightly as he moved closer to the console, “You were supposed to do that. Why couldn’t you just do as you were told.”

“No,” he retorted, his voice now low and angry as he stared at her, “I am _done _with promising you things as you’re about to die River, do you hear me? I am _so _done with that.”

“What do you…” she stiffened as the implication of his words sunk in.

“I know River,” he continued, his voice softening slightly, “I know when we are. I know you’re after the Library.”

For a moment River stilled, her throat going dry as they stared at each other.

“How did you find out?” she whispered after a few moments, biting her lip nervously.

He sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “It took me a while. I tried to follow you…after you…after you left. But she wouldn’t let me.”

River nodded as he glared up at the console. “I asked her not to,” she said softly, “I wanted to be on my own for a while. I thought it would be easier.”

“Ahh,” he shook his head as realisation dawned on his face, “I should have known. She took me on a tour of my greatest failures in our relationship,” he added ruefully as River raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“It was quite eye-opening,” he said bitterly, fiddling with something on the console “No wonder you didn’t want to tell me you were back. I seem to have been quite the disappointing husband.”

“You know it wasn’t always like that,” River sighed, shaking her head frustration. Trust him to get quite so self-flagellating over this. “But there were darker times. For both of us. Especially towards the end.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me?” he asked hesitatingly after a moment, sounding almost as if he was afraid of her answer, “You’ve been out the Library for a while now. Why didn’t you tell me when you first saw me?”

River looked at him across the console, at the way he was peering up at her, his hands nervously twisting in front of him. She opened her mouth to try and tell him everything that she’d wrestled with in her mind over the last three years or so since she’d escaped the Library. How she’d agonised for months and fought with herself against the urge to find him and fling herself into his arms. How every time she had seen him the strength of her resolve had grown weaker and weaker and if she hadn’t found her diary still in the Library that day then she’d undoubtedly have ended up in his bed that night.

Instead, all that came out was, “Four hundred years.”

“What?”

“That’s how long I was in that computer,” her voice was low and shaky as she stared at him, “Over four hundred years. And not once. Not one single time did you think or even deign to contact me.”

“River, I…”

“No,” she cut him off, her voice still shaking with fury, “You put me in that computer knowing half my life I have been trying to escape people trapping me And I could have coped with that. If you had meant it to be temporary, if you had meant to get me out, hell if you had even meant to visit.”

“River, I tried,” he said desperately.

“Well you didn’t try hard enough did you!” she snapped at him as he wrung his hands in front of him.

“You didn’t even care enough to go back for my diary,” she added, her voice bitter and accusatory as he snapped his head up to look at her, “You just _left _it there on that bannister to rot.”

“How do you know…”

River jerked her head towards the console. “She took me there.”

The Doctor sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. “Of course she did.”

“It’s where I went after dropping Ramone off,” River added after a moment, “I was trying to find it. I thought you must have been back to get it, that it must be somewhere in here. But it wasn’t.”

He hung his head wearily. “So that’s why you were so angry when you came back.”

She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. “I’m angry at you, yes. But I’m also furious at myself.”

“River,” he took a deep breath in, and looked at her pleadingly, “It’s not like that. I didn’t go back for your diary because I just _couldn’t_. I couldn’t go back there. To that place. I couldn’t face it again.”

“No,” she retorted, her anger resurfacing, “You never did like facing up to things did you. Much easier to skip on to the next entertainment?”

“What?”

“Oh come on Doctor,” she spat back at him sharply, “We both know that you hate endings. It’s practically your motto in life. Well you also hate guilt, which is remarkable as you are pretty good at self-loathing. As long as I was safely tucked away in that computer without the reminder of my diary then you could forget all about me and move on. Tripping through the universe without a thought to your boring, inconveniently dead wife.”

He inhaled sharply at that, flinching as though she had slapped him. He opened his mouth to retort something but then closed it again as she stared at him furiously. “Nine and a half years,” he said suddenly, looking her straight in the eye and taking a step towards her.

She shook her head in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“That’s how long I stayed in here when I realised you were gone,” he jabbed a hand viciously at the console, “When I had finally done the last of your days. When I turned up at Luna only to find your memorial service in full swing.”

“Doctor, I didn’t want you…”

“I ran back in here and didn’t leave for nine and a half years,” he interrupted her, his voice rising as she shook her head, “At first I just lay on the floor,” he flung a hand out to point at the console deck, “God knows how long I lay here. I went into our bedroom once but it was too much, I haven’t been in there since. I tried getting drunk – that didn’t work, not sure why people think it does. At one point I was so angry…SO angry with the universe that I destroyed half the rooms on the third deck.”

He paused for breath then, leaning forward so both his hands were resting on the console and looking up at her from under his hair. “I tried to leave at that point,” he continued, his voice dangerous and low, “I wanted to find something, someone and _destroy _them. Make them feel a fraction of the pain I was going through. Make someone else suffer like I was.”

“What happened?” River asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

He closed his eyes for a moment before letting out a short, mirthless laugh. “She wouldn’t let me,” he nodded at the console, “Kept me inside until I’d calmed down.”

“Good,” River snapped suddenly as he opened his eyes again suddenly, “I would never have wanted you to do that over me. I would not have thanked you for it.”

“And why not?” he demanded, “You told me once, a long time ago, that you would suffer more than every living thing in the universe if you had to kill me.”

She flinched slightly as the memories of that fateful day on top of that pyramid came flooding back to her. The sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as he’d rubbished her plans and told her he was embarrassed by her. The flicker of joy as she realised he was going to marry her anyway, followed by the elation as she looked into his eye and understood that he had a plan all along. Then the heady sensation of that kiss as they finally touched and all of time swirled around them, resetting and restarting.

“Are you the only one in this marriage who’s allowed to feel anything River?” he continued, his voice slightly softer, a note of hurt creeping into it instead.

“And what do you feel Doctor?” she asked hesitantly, her voice barely above a whisper.

He hesitated for a moment, pausing to look at her, his hands twisting in front of him. He was about to open his mouth when she shook her head and gave a short, laugh, burying her head briefly in her hands before looking up at him.

“You still can’t tell me, can you?” she asked bitterly, biting her lip as she looked at him in disappointment, “All this time, I’ve been waiting for you to say it again and I just need to accept that you’re not going to anymore.”

“River, what do you…” he shook his head urgently but she carried on.

“You asked me why I didn’t tell you I had escaped the Library,” she continued angrily as he nodded, “I saw you at that masked ball on Graston shortly after I got out.”

“The masked ball…?”

“33rd century. You were with Clara,” River said simply as he frowned at her, “You didn’t see me. Although, I thought at one point you might have done.

He stared at her for a moment as realisation dawned on his face. “I thought…and then I followed you but you’d gone and…”

She shrugged. “I wasn’t going to hang around and watch you fawn over your latest obsession.”

“Latest obsession?” he shook his head in frustration, “River, what are you talking about? Clara’s my companion, that’s all. You know I travel with people. It’s never bothered you before.”

“This is more,” River shook her head obstinately, “I know you travel with people. You have to. But I’ve never seen you this way with anyone before. The way you look at her…it’s like…” she trailed off, not wanting to voice fears that she only acknowledged to herself on bad days.

“Like what?” he pressed, taking a step towards her as she shook her head mutely, “River, like what?”

She looked away from him, biting her lip anxiously as she fiddled with something in front of her on the console. “Like you used to look at me,” she admitted reluctantly.

He opened his mouth to gape at her, soundlessly shaking his head. “River, no, you’ve got this all wrong.”

“Have I?” she demanded suddenly, lifting to her head to glare at him, “Did you tell her about me? Who I was? Because she certainly seemed quite surprised the first time I turned up after that earthquake.”

“Well, no, but that’s…that’s…” he stuttered.

“Oh, seriously Doctor,” she dismissed him with a wave of her hand. “Just stop this.”

“Stop what?!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in confusion.

“Just tell me,” she said softly, her voice almost pleading as she looked up at him, “Just tell me this is over. That you’ve moved on. Our story is done. Then I can go.”

He stared at her for a moment and she felt her stomach plummet as she readied herself for his reply. Her head was warring with her hearts, telling her that this was the right thing. She needed to force him to say it otherwise he never would. He would think he was doing her a kindness by letting her drift away instead. She swallowed heavily, trying to quell her nerves and desperately hoping she wasn’t visibly trembling. After so long trying to suppress these fears and telling herself she was ok, that she could move on, now that she was actually faced with hearing him say it to her face, she was terrified.

He opened his mouth and she steeled herself, clenching her fists tightly to stop her hands trembling and preparing to hear the worst. Instead, his voice was soft, washing over her gently. “I can’t tell you that because it’s not true.”

“Doctor, please don’t…” she shook her head, not wanting to hear platitudes from him.

Instead he stepped even closer, keeping his eyes fixed on hers. “River. I am telling you the truth. I didn’t tell Clara about you because for many, many years I couldn’t even say your name out loud. Because it hurt too much. Because then I had to acknowledge that you were no longer there, with me, that I had failed to save you. Clara, is my companion, I care for her, deeply, I do. As I care for all of them. But you…” his voice tailed off to a whisper and he reached out as if to stroke her cheek but his hand faltered at the last moment, “You. Are _everything_ to me.”

“But,” she shook her head, not wanting to get her hopes up. He couldn’t mean what he was saying really, could he. “But, I heard you, you told Clara that we were over.”

“What? When?” he frowned in confusion.

“After we escaped that earthquake,” River insisted, trying to make sure her voice was steady. She would not break down in front of him now. Not after all this time. “When you and Clara were in the med-bay. I’d left but I heard you talking. You told her that we were finished, that we were over.”

She swallowed heavily and made herself look him defiantly in the eye, expecting him to look guilty or try and deny it. Instead, he stared at her with a growing look of horror. “No, no, no,” he shook his head desperately, “No, that’s not what I said.”

“No, I heard you…”

“No,” he cut her off forcefully and this time he grabbed her hands in both of his, “You didn’t hear me properly. I told Clara that our _time _was finished. I thought your days were over, that I’d used them all up.”

“But you had just seen me,” she shook her head stubbornly, “You couldn’t know that.”

He moved even closer, clasping her hands tightly between his. “I thought that was just a moment out of time,” he said softly, staring down at her as she bit her bottom lip anxiously, “A cruel twist of fate. I didn’t dare to even hope that you might have done the Library.”

He stared pleadingly at her as she chewed her lip anxiously. “Do you believe me?”

“I don’t know,” she confessed softly, her voice barely above a whisper, “I just don’t know anymore. I want to but…” she trailed off as she looked at him, her hearts screaming at her to just take what he was saying, to give in to the increasing urge to close the remaining distance between them and never let him go.

For a moment the Doctor just stared at her before leaning forward so his forehead was touching hers. “You asked me earlier why I didn’t go to Clara as you asked, why I didn’t save her.”

She swallowed heavily but just nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

He sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a moment before he continued. “I thought I was going to lose you again. I hadn’t even got you back properly and already I had failed you. You didn’t want to know me, you’d lied to me…”

She opened her mouth to speak but he shook his head and carried on.

“You did. I understand why, but you did. River, ever since I met you in the Library, all those hundreds of years ago, I have dreamed of that moment.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, her voice wavering despite her best effort, a spark of hope fluttering up in her chest that she doing her best to quell.

“I have dreamt of you and me, finally having a life free of our backwards timelines, free of spoilers and free from the countdown to your death,” he said softly, gazing intently at her as tears started to brim in her eyes, “And then,” he continued, his grip on her hands tightening, “Then it was being ripped away from me in the worst possible way. You were going to die again. In front of me. Not knowing how I feel.”

“Doctor, I didn’t…” she started but he hushed her gently.

“It was my worst nightmare being played out in front of me again,” he whispered, one hand letting go of hers to softly caress her cheek and brush away the solitary tear that had brimmed over, “So when you told me to go to save Clara instead and you put that amulet in, I made a split second decision. And one that I would make over and over again. I chose you. In the faintest hope that I could get to you in time and save you as I have failed to do so many times in the past.”

“But, I told you not to…”

“I told you, I am not standing idly by and watching you die anymore River,” he ground his teeth and shook his head in frustration at her, “Not for the sake of anyone.”

“Stop it, Doctor,” she muttered, looking down from him and hardly believing what she was hearing, “I don’t want you to do this. I’m not worth it and…”

He made a noise of frustration at that and dropped her other hand to cup both her cheeks, forcing her to look up at him. “No, River. You stop this. You are worth it. To me. Because you are my wife. And I love you. More than anything else in this universe and…”

Whatever else he said however, River didn’t hear over the sudden pounding of her hearts. She looked up at him, staring earnestly down at her, willing her to believe him and suddenly made a decision. She could go on doubting him, pretending she was happy without him, pretending that she was fine and didn’t miss him every single day and with every fibre of her being. Or, she could take a leap and trust him. Trust that he was telling the truth now, that he wanted her back, that he’d missed her as much as she’d missed him, that part of him felt as incomplete as she’d done without him. Trust him like she used to.

Winding a hand up behind his neck, she closed the remaining distance between them and pressed her lips to his. He made a small noise of surprise before settling and kissing her back, his hands staying where they were to caress her cheeks as she pulled him closer to her, finally giving in and surrendering to her feelings.

Breaking away after a few moments, the Doctor pulled back slightly to look at her. “I tried to contact you, you know. I tried to contact you in the Library. I composed thousands of letters in my head. Every day. But I could never send them. It seemed like I was admitted defeat if I acknowledged you were really gone.”

“You’re an idiot,” she whispered brokenly, smiling up at him through tears that were now making their way unbidden down her cheeks.

“I know,” he whispered back, wiping the tears away gently with his thumbs, “But I’m your idiot. I always have been.”

River let out a soft whimper at that, pulling him back down towards her and kissing him soundly. He kissed her back, one of his hands sliding into her hair and the other wrapping firmly around her waist and pulling her against him.

They broke apart breathlessly after a few moments, staring giddily at each other. “So, where to now,” he asked, unable to stop grinning at her.

Pressing herself closer to him, River ran a hand through his hair, pushing his fringe back off his face. “Well, husband,” she raised an eyebrow suggestively at him, her voice low and throaty, “I have one or two suggestions.”

“I’ll bet you do,” he murmured back, his eyes darkening as he stared hungrily at her.

She glanced pointedly at the console before looking back at him, a wicked smirk on her face. “Well, as much as I’d like to reacquaint myself with your console… maybe the bedroom might be a better option while Clara is onboard?”

He blushed faintly before suddenly letting her go and whirling round to grab the monitor. “Actually, I’ve got a better idea.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “Oh really?”

He turned back to grin boyishly at her before typing something quickly into the keyboard and pulling some levers as the TARDIS took flight. “Prepare to be amazed, wife!”

She stared at him for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by just how much she had missed him. “I’m always amazed by you Doctor,” she replied softly, her voice low and sincere, one hand reaching out for him as he glanced back at her in surprise, “I just forgot that for a little while.”

They stared at each other for a heated moment as the TARDIS came to a halt before the Doctor turned back to her properly and kissed her again. This time he kissed her fiercely, running his tongue over her bottom lip as she opened her mouth to him instantly. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her firmly against him as she threaded one hand tightly into his hair.

She pulled away, breathless, after a few moments. “I thought we were going somewhere amazing Doctor?”

He kissed her once, twice more before pulling himself away. “So, distracting,” he muttered, leaning in to kiss her one final time, “Yes! We are!”

He wrenched himself away, checking something on the monitor before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the doors. He paused as he got there, turning towards her and gesturing for her to open the doors.

Raising an eyebrow, River stepped forward and opened the door as he rocked back and forward on his heels in anticipation.

Stepping outside, she found herself in a dark corridor.

“Hmm, well you do bring me to all the best spots sweetie,” she called over her shoulder.

“Ah, parking still slightly off,” he said apologetically as she rolled her eyes fondly, stepping out behind her, “Errr, come on, this way,” he added, tugging her by the hand and leading her down the corridor.

“Doctor, where are we?”

“Shhh,” he put a finger to his lips, “You’ll see.”

He led her to the end of the corridor to a large door. He paused for a moment before pushing it open with a flourish and gesturing her through.

Glancing at him, River stepped through the door and then stopped. “Ohhh,” she breathed, looking around her, “It’s…it’s…”

“Amazing?” the Doctor said softly, watching her face with a small smile.

She took a couple of steps further in. They appeared to be in a long gallery on a spaceship or small terraformed asteroid. On one side there were small booths containing large, low couches where a few people could recline. Facing them, the opposite wall was completely made of glass, or some other see-through material. Through it, there was the most spectacular view; several galaxies were visible and in the middle was the most enormous supernova River had ever seen.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered as she gazed out the window. He nodded in agreement as he moved closer to her. “Where are we?”

“That’s Phaedron VI,” he said softly, nodding out the window to the supernova that they could see, “Largest supernova and the brightest single thing to exist in the known universe,” he glanced down at his watch, “the brightest point should be in about hour. You could read a book by it you know.”

She looked up at him suddenly at that, the recognition sparking in her eyes at the familiar words, said so long ago for both of them.

“I thought about taking you there,” he continued softly, one hand coming up to gently brush her cheek as she leaned in to him, “To Calderon Beta. But then I thought maybe we should go somewhere new.”

She glanced out the window before looking back up at him. The look on his face almost took her breath away. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him look at her so openly before. “It’s perfect,” she whispered, leaning up to kiss him softly, chastely on the lips, “Just one question though?” she pulled away slightly as he quirked an eyebrow at her, “Where is everyone else?”

A slow grin spread over his face. “Now, that is the best bit,” he replied smugly, “This was built and then abandoned shortly after it was completed. We’re the only ones here.”

She looked up at him as a matching grin spread across her face and she ran her hands up his shirt front to wind around his neck. Pulling him down towards her, she murmured against his lips. “Well, we will just have to find a way to occupy ourselves then won’t we.”

“I think we should be able to manage that,” he murmured back before closing the final distance between them and kissing her firmly.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so that got long. also, I appear incapable of ending this fic! 
> 
> so the next chapter will be a slightly nsfw smutty extension of this chapter - nothing too explicit but prob a bit above a T rating but I will label it very carefully so if you don't want to read that then avoid. there will then be a final epilogue which will not be a higher rating so just skip to that if you want to. I'll try have both up within a week or so.
> 
> thank you so much for everyone who is still reading and encouraging this fic. you are all wonderful and I can't believe it is nearly done!


	20. I never did believe in miracles, but I've a feeling it's time to try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so this chapter definitely contains some NSFW elements. It's not too explicit I don't think but it's probably a little more than a T rating so if that is not your jam then IGNORE! There is nothing central to the plot that happens here - just some smut and dialogue. There's a short epilogue coming that is ok to read instead!
> 
> This also overlaps with the end of the last chapter with just some minor changes and then continues, just to clear up any confusion!

\--

He turned back to grin at her before typing something quickly into the keyboard and pulling some levers as the TARDIS took flight. “Prepare to be amazed, wife!”

She stared at him for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by just how much she had missed him. “I’m always amazed by you, Doctor,” she replied softly, her voice low and sincere, one hand reaching out for him as he glanced back at her in surprise, “I just forgot that for a little while.”

They stared at each other for a heated moment as the TARDIS came to a halt before the Doctor turned back to her properly and kissed her again. This time he kissed her fiercely, running his tongue over her bottom lip as she opened her mouth to him instantly. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her firmly against him as she threaded one hand tightly into his hair. His hands started to travel further south to grip her bum and he gave a strangled moan into her mouth, bucking into her as she pushed her hips against his.

Tearing his lips away from hers, he moved his mouth over her jaw and down her neck. “Gods, I’ve missed you,” he murmured huskily against her throat as she arched into him.

“Oh, I’ve missed you too,” she sighed breathlessly, her fingers tightening in his hair as he kissed his way down her neck towards her collarbone.

Her back hit the console before she had even realised he’d manoeuvred her around. His hands had slid under her shirt and were slowly exploring up the side of her ribcage, thumbs gently brushing over her stomach, making her quiver with anticipation.

“I thought we were going somewhere amazing,” she managed to gasp out as his lips trailed back up her neck and captured hers once more.

He kissed her once, twice more before pulling himself away. “So, distracting,” he muttered, leaning in to kiss her one final time, “Yes! We are!”

He wrenched himself away, trying to catch his breath while checking something on the monitor before grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the doors. He paused as he got there, turning towards her and gesturing for her to open the doors.

Still breathing heavily, River raised an eyebrow at him as she stepped forward and opened the door, glancing at him as he rocked back and forward on his heels in anticipation.

Stepping outside, she found herself in a dark corridor.

“Hmm, well you do bring me to all the best spots sweetie,” she called over her shoulder.

“Ah, parking still slightly off, sorry,” he said apologetically as she rolled her eyes fondly, stepping out behind her, “Errr, come on, this way,” he added, tugging her by the hand and leading her down the corridor.

“Doctor, where are we?”

“Shhh,” he put a finger to his lips, “You’ll see.”

He led her to the end of the corridor to a large door. He paused for a moment before pushing it open with a flourish and gesturing her through.

Glancing at him, River stepped through the door and then stopped. “Ohhh,” she breathed, looking around her, “It’s…it’s…”

“Amazing?” the Doctor said softly, watching her face with a small smile.

She took a couple of steps further in. They appeared to be in a long gallery on a spaceship or small terraformed asteroid. On one side there were small booths containing large, low couches where a few people could recline. Facing them, the opposite wall was completely made of glass, or some other see-through material. Through it, there was the most spectacular view; several galaxies were visible and in the middle was the most enormous supernova River had ever seen.

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered as she gazed out the window. He nodded in agreement as he moved closer to her. “Where are we?”

“That’s Phaedron VI,” he said softly, nodding out the window to the supernova that they could see, “Largest supernova and the brightest single thing to exist in the known universe,” he glanced down at his watch, “the brightest point should be in about hour. You could read a book by it.”

She looked up at him suddenly at that, the recognition sparking in her eyes at the familiar words, said so long ago for both of them.

“I thought about taking you there,” he continued softly, one hand coming up to gently brush her cheek as she leaned in to him, “To Calderon Beta. But then I thought maybe we should go somewhere new.”

She glanced out the window before looking back up at him. The look on his face almost took her breath away. She didn’t think she’d ever seen him look at her so openly before. “It’s perfect,” she whispered, leaning up to kiss him softly, chastely on the lips, “Just one question though?” she pulled away slightly as he quirked an eyebrow at her, “Where is everyone else?”

A slow grin spread over his face. “Now, that is the best bit,” he replied smugly, “This was built and then abandoned shortly after it was completed. We’re the only ones here.”

She looked up at him as a matching grin spread across her face and she ran her hands up his shirt front to wind around his neck. Pulling him down towards her, she murmured against his lips. “Well, we will just have to find a way to occupy ourselves then won’t we.”

“I think we should be able to manage that,” he murmured back before closing the final distance between them and kissing her firmly.

He began to slowly walk them back towards the opposite side of the room, his hands gripping her waist as he did so, lips not leaving hers. After a few moments though, she suddenly pulled away, looking up at him with an anxious look on her face.

“What’s the matter?” he asked softly as she hesitated.

She looked at him anxiously for a moment before replying. “Had you forgotten?”

“Forgotten what?” he asked, one hand moving automatically to brush a stray curl behind her ear.

“What I’m capable of?” she asked, her voice almost a whisper.

“What do you mean?” the Doctor looked at her in confusion as she worried with her bottom lip.

“in the cave, when the Warden was threatening us at the end…” she replied hesitantly, looking down and not managing to look him in the eye, “And so I…I killed him. I didn’t even think twice about it. But I haven’t seen that look on your face for a long time. I wondered if you’d forgotten what I was like. What I was trained to be?”

She glanced up at him then and found him staring back at her, his expression hard to read in the low light.

“I’ve always known what you are River,” he said softly after a moment, a guilty look stealing over his face, “What you were trained to be, because of me.”

“Yes, but it’s not who you want me to…”

She was cut off from whatever she was going to say next by the Doctor suddenly leaning forward and pressing his lips urgently to hers. Forgetting whatever it was she had been going to say, she reached up and threaded a hand through his hair as she kissed him back desperately.

Pulling away after a few moments, the Doctor stared down at her breathlessly. “Do you want to know a secret?” he murmured, looking down at her, his eyes dark and brooding.

“Always,” she whispered, one hand coming up to stroke through the hair that was falling forward into his eyes.

He leant forward a little further so his forehead was almost touching hers and she could feel his breath on her lips. “I find it almost unbearably attractive when you step in and save my life. It makes me want you there and then.”

“Doctor, you don’t…”

“Do you remember that time on Tethos?” he interrupted her, looking intently down at her.

She frowned up at him, still trying to catch her breath as well. “When you managed to get yourself kidnapped by that child-slavery ring and nearly beheaded in the process?”

He nodded. “And you took them all down using a spear you’d fashioned from a bit of bamboo.”

She stared up at him, remembering the night in question many hundreds of years ago. She was not long into her prison sentence and she’d run into a much older version of her husband. He’d taken her for dinner, or had tried to, and things had taken a turn for the unexpected. “I thought you were going to be so angry. I was still so young and wild.”

“Was I?” he looked down into her eyes searchingly.

She stared back at him for a moment before shaking her head. The kidnappers had thought they were just a couple of hapless travellers and had been prepared to heartlessly despatch the Doctor, thinking his wife was just a helpless woman. They hadn’t been in the slightest bit prepared for what hit them and she had slaughtered them all within a minute. She had thought then that the Doctor would shout at her, berate her for not sparing them, preach forgiveness and mercy.

Instead, he had taken one look at her, standing bloody but victorious amongst those villains and had all but dragged her back to the TARDIS. They hadn’t even made it inside the doors before his mouth was on hers, his hands wandering everywhere and all but tearing her clothes off. He’d taken her there and then against the doors of the TARDIS, her bloody hands wound tightly in his hair and her legs wrapped around his waist as he’d made her scream in ecstasy.

A knowing smirk slowly spread across her face as she tilted her head to look at him. “Oh, Doctor,” she murmured with a shake of her head, “You and your kink for women who could murder you.”

He returned her smirk as one of her hands walked slowly up the front of his shirt to play with his bowtie. He leant forward slightly as his hands dropped to her waist, pulling her towards him. “Well, you haven’t tried to murder me for _quite _some time now.”

She grinned against his lips as he pulled her flush against him, his hands splayed across her hips. “Dear me, I must be getting a little rusty,” she teased, her hands looping up and around his neck as his lips met hers again. As his hands gripped her hips, he continued to walk them slowly back towards one of the large couches.

When the backs of her knees hit the couch, they both halted, kicking off their shoes as they carried on kissing, giggling slightly as they broke away. Pulling away properly, River sat down on the couch before scooting back up it, keeping her eyes locked on the Doctor as she did so. His eyes followed her intently as she backed up towards the cushions at the far end of the couch.

He followed her slowly, crawling up the couch on his knees so he hovered over her before leaning down and kissing her again.

“Although,” he managed to mutter in between kisses, “You might not have tried to murder me but there was that incident with the sedative you gave us.”

“Ah yes,” River murmured breathlessly as he moved away from her lips to trail his way down her jaw and neck, “I was wondering when you might mention that.”

“We can argue about it later,” he muttered, nipping at her neck.

“Oh,” she gasped as he sank his teeth in slightly, rolling her hips against his in retaliation and making him groan, “Is that a promise?”

“Oh, you bad, bad girl,” he groaned into her neck as she ground against him again, throwing one leg over his.

“Just for you,” she sighed, arching up against him as his hand moved up underneath her shirt, fingertips dancing up over her stomach.

“Not Ramone or anyone else,” he muttered quietly into her neck, so softly that she almost missed it.

She stilled at that before threading a hand into his hair and tugging him gently up. “He’s a bit young for me sweetie,” she teased gently as he pouted at her, “It’s only ever been you,” she added softly, rubbing a thumb gently over his cheek as he stared down at her.

“River…” he whispered reverently, trailing off as they stared at each other.

Pulling him down towards her after a moment, River kissed him firmly before pulling away briefly. “Enough talking sweetie,” she murmured, “Just show me.”

He paused momentarily, as if he was about to say something more but then thought the better of it and kissed her instead. This time it was slower, less desperate than before, his tongue sliding languidly against hers. His hand slid slowly back between them, gently stroking over the skin of her stomach.

Carefully, slowly almost, they undressed each other. Whereas before when they’d not seen each other for a long time, it would usually be frantic and desperate, clothes tearing and teeth clashing. This time, it was slower, less hurried. Fingertips tracing gently over old scars, lips and tongues trailing over bare skin, almost as if they were rediscovering each other.

Trembling with desire, River gasped as his fingers danced down her stomach and slipped under the thin material of her knickers that were the only thing she was now wearing. Any lingering fears she may have had that he had forgotten her or how to touch her evaporated completely at the first brush of his fingers. He slipped one, then two fingers inside her, curling them just _so_ as he pressed down his thumb and she moaned incoherently, her head thrown back into the cushions.

As she felt her climax approaching however, she suddenly reached down and stilled his wrist.

“What’s wrong?” he muttered, a look of concern appearing on his face.

She simply shook her head and pulled him closer towards her. “I want you, now Doctor,” she whispered, one of her hands snaking down between them to slip under the waistband of his boxers and brush gently across him, “It’s been too long sweetie,” she added as he gave a slight shudder. She pushed down his boxers as he quickly stripped her knickers off her legs and she kicked them away.

Holding himself up above her on one elbow, he shifted so he was cradled between her thighs. Keeping his gaze locked on hers, he slowly moved and slid inside her causing them both to gasp at the sensation. He stilled within her, closing his eyes briefly before opening them again to stare at her. “Gods, I’ve missed you so much,” he muttered hoarsely, dropping his forehead so it was almost touching hers, his hair falling forward into his face.

“Oh, I’ve missed you too,” she murmured desperately, one hand coming up to card through his hair. Drawing him down towards her, she kissed him deeply as she hooked one of her legs over his hips, drawing him even deeper inside her. Gasping into her mouth at the sensation, he started to move, rocking his hips slowly into hers as they both moaned in unison.

Arching her back into him and hooking her leg even higher, River broke her lips away from his, throwing her head back into the cushions again as he began to thrust harder into her. Threading her hands tightly through his hair as he moved his mouth down to her exposed neck, she moaned again when he nipped gently at the sensitive point below her ear that he’d discovered _centuries _ago would make her weak behind the knees.

“I haven’t forgotten anything?” he murmured huskily, as she clutched onto him tighter, obviously letting some of her thoughts broadcast to him in her haze. He moved his mouth slightly, sucking gently over her pulse point as she let out a small gasp. “I remember you like it when I do this,” he moved his mouth again, this time trailing his tongue down her collarbone, “And this,” he added as she arched even further into him, her breasts brushing against his chest. One of his hands slipped between them, brushing teasingly over one of her nipples before flicking it harder.

“Oh, gods, yes,” she moaned loudly, her nails digging into his shoulders as he twisted his hips just _so _and she could feel her climax building again, “Sweetie, I need… I need…” she babbled incoherently, unable to find the words.

Slipping his hand further down between them, he pressed down firmly on her clit as he thrust into her harder, “I know,” he murmured into her neck, “I know what you need,” he pressed down again as she felt the waves of pleasure crash over her, screaming her release as she felt him thrust once, twice more into her before he came with a choked sob of her name into her neck.

Collapsing on top of her, they stayed like that for a few moments, still catching their breath. Eventually, the Doctor rolled off her onto his back, pulling her into his side as he did so.

Closing her eyes, River let the feeling of absolute happiness sink in as she pillowed her head on his chest, listening to the steady thumb of his heartbeats. She felt herself almost drifting off as one of his hands drifted gently up and down her spine.

After a few minutes though, she was gently jostled by the Doctor slowly disentangling himself from her and shuffling over to the edge of the couch.

“Well I can’t say that you’re spoiling the view,” River remarked cheekily, propping herself up on one elbow to ogle his bare bum as he rummaged in his trouser pockets for something.

He turned back to grin at her before bounding back on to the couch, brandishing a small box.

“What’s this?” she quirked an eyebrow at him as he presented it to her.

“Open it and see,” he said as he shuffled back up on to the couch to lean back on the cushions.

Glancing up at him curiously, River turned back to the small black velvet box in her hand. Opening the lid, she peered inside before letting out a soft gasp, one hand coming up to her mouth. Nestled inside the box was the necklace he’d given her for their one hundredth wedding anniversary, the set of iridescent dark stones on a simple silver chain, “You…” she glanced up at the Doctor who was biting his lip in excitement, “But, how did you…?”

“I found it in your apartment in New Oxford, it’s how I knew when you were in your timeline,” he explained softly as she removed the necklace from the box and ran her hands reverently over the now mended chain, “I knew I’d broken it after… after you were in the Library and if you had it again then you must be alive again.”

She looked up at him then, looked at his expression as he gazed at her like he couldn’t believe she was really here. Wrapping a hand around the back of his neck she pulled him down towards her and kissed him fiercely, trying to pour everything she felt for him into that kiss. “Thank you,” she murmured breathlessly as she pulled away after a few moments.

He brought a hand up to stroke her cheek, running a thumb gently over her cheekbone. “Anything for you River, I’d do anything,” he whispered reverently before turning his head slightly and nodding to the glass windows on the opposite side of the large corridor, “It’s from there you know,” he said softly, indicating the huge supernova they could see slowly burning up, “Many hundreds of years from now, the residue will be spread all over this part of space. That’s where this is from,” he ran his fingers gently over the necklace that was still clutched in one of her hands.

Gazing out at the supernova, River turned back to the Doctor, turning her hand slightly so their fingers entwined with the necklace between them. “It’s perfect,” she murmured, smiling in wonder at him as he gazed back at her, “Everything is completely perfect.”

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, so nearly there! Ok, epilogue coming hopefully tomorrow. I'm not dragging this out to tease I promise - I thought I'd have both out today but I need to go out in a few minutes and this one is finished. Epilogue should be up tomorrow. Do enjoy this one in the meantime!


	21. epilogue: and I don't have to tell you, but you're the only one

\---

_Three days later_

“So, that’s what you were doing every time we ran into you?” Clara clarified, frowning slightly as she cut into the full English breakfast in front of her, “You were trying to find pieces of the amulet and the TARDIS was being drawn to it?”

River nodded, her fingers wrapping around the mug of tea in front of her. Clara had finally recovered from the ordeal enough to head out from the TARDIS. To be honest, both River and the Doctor had been too distracted by each other for the past few days to even consider going outside and had only belatedly remembered that there was someone else onboard when they’d heard Clara wandering the hallways a few hours ago. They’d eventually sheepishly emerged from their bedroom and River had taken them to her favourite mid-21st century breakfast café as an apology.

“But you couldn’t tell us what was going on,” Clara continued, stabbing a piece of bacon with her fork.

“No,” River said slowly, “That was part of the deal,” she looked up at where the Doctor was perusing the small section of trinkets that were on sale beside the till, “Well, that and it was… well it was complicated.”

Clara looked up at her tone and followed her gaze. “Ah…I did wonder,” she said nodding in comprehension, “But everything between you two is alright now?”

River looked back at the younger woman and smiled at her. “Yes,” she said softly, unable to stop the feeling of warmth spreading through her at the memory of the past three days. The hours they had spent wrapped around each other, limbs entangled, murmuring secrets and confessions into each other’s skin, stripping back the lies and hurt of the past few hundred years. “Yes, I think it is.”

“Look, they have these really cool tea cosies!” the Doctor’s excited voice interrupted them as he bounded over to their table and slid into the booth next to River, brandishing an exceptionally ugly purple tea cosy.

“But you don’t have a teapot?” Clara objected with a shake of her head as River rolled her eyes fondly at him, “You broke them all.”

“Well, I can just get another one,” he retorted confidently, reaching out to sneak a hash brown from River’s plate as she tried to smack his hand away, “Anyway, are you feeling better?”

Clara smiled at him as he looked at her in concern. “Yes, much better. I can’t believe I slept for so long.”

“Well I think you did have quite nasty concussion to begin with,” the Doctor explained, “And the painkillers I gave you probably made you sleep longer as well.”

“Ahh that explains it,” Clara nodded, “I definitely feel a lot better after a shower though. I was covered in that cave dust,” she gave a small sigh of relief, “Although I was wandering around trying to find that big bathroom with the jacuzzi tub for ages,” she added with a frown, shaking her head slightly, “The TARDIS must have moved it again.”

The Doctor choked slightly on his hash brown before clearing his throat. “Umm, yes, quite possibly,” he managed to mumble, suddenly turning bright red as River bit her lip to try and suppress a grin.

Clara looked between them for a moment as the Doctor studiously avoided her gaze. “Ohhh,” she said, a look of horror and realisation dawning on her face, “Well I think I’ll avoid that bathroom altogether from now on,” she said with a small shudder as River smirked at her over the rim of her mug.

Still fighting down a blush, the Doctor just about managed to look Clara in the eye. “So, where do you fancy going? We thought maybe the waterfalls on Braxis IX, or maybe the bazaar in the late 27th century on Sertus, ooh or…”

“Or back to New Oxford?” River interjected with a smile, “I think Ramone was rather smitten with you Clara!”

“Hmph,” the Doctor muttered as Clara now turned a faint shade of pink, “I suppose it’s better than him fawning over you,” he added petulantly as River grinned at him.

“I told you sweetie, he’s a bit young for me,” River laughed as he pouted into his tea, reaching out and covering his hand with hers consolingly, “I prefer grumpy old Time Lords, remember. I’m sure I managed to reassure you about that in the last three days,” she added with a wink as Clara’s face blanched.

Clara glanced back and forth between the two of them for a moment before putting her cutlery down. “Actually, I was thinking I’d quite like a little break if that’s alright,”

“Of course!” the Doctor declared excitedly, “Ooh I know a lovely planet resort in the Arcadion galaxy that we could pop to, and if that gets too dull then there’s always the carnival that happens…”

“No, Doctor,” Clara interrupted him softly, “I meant back home. Back on Earth.”

“Ohh,” the Doctor’s face dropped in disappointment, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Clara nodded emphatically as he frowned at her.

“But, home is so boring!” he shook his head, “I can definitely find us somewhere that won’t involve anyone wanting to shoot or kill us or do anything that…”

“Sweetie,” River interrupted him softly, putting a hand out to cover his, “We’ll drop you back Clara,” she said to the other woman who nodded at her with a smile.

“You can always pick me up again in a little while,” Clara added as she drained the last of her tea, “Besides, I know exactly what you two have been up to these last few days. I don’t think I want to know any more about Time Lord marital practices thank you very much.”

Clara looked pointedly at the Doctor who flushed again while River simply grinned unashamedly at him. She pushed her plate away and then slid out from the booth. “I’m going to find the loo, try not to scandalise anyone here while I’m gone,” she wagged a finger jokingly at the two of them as the Doctor glared at her indignantly.

He turned back to River who was looking at him fondly. “I’m sure my companions didn’t used to be this rude,” he muttered as she simply smiled at him, “So, wife,” he tilted his head to one side, reaching out to take hold of her hand, “Where shall we go first?”

River opened her mouth to reply and then hesitated, biting her bottom lip anxiously.

“What is it?” the Doctor asked softly, looking at her with concern.

“It’s just. These last few days, they’ve been so…so perfect,” she said haltingly, looking down at their hands as his covered hers, “Don’t you just…worry sometimes?”

“Worry about what?”

“That it’s just too perfect?” she replied anxiously, “It’s just a bit too… too fairy-tale. People like us…we don’t usually get our happy ending?”

River looked up at him as he gazed at her for a long moment. He glanced down at their hands on the table before lacing his fingers through hers and then bringing them up to his lips and placing a delicate kiss on the back of her hand. “Do you know what a very wise woman told me a long, long time ago?” he murmured softly, gazing at her intently as she shook her head, “She stood under the wreckage of a spaceship and told me that in the end we’re all just fairy-tales.”

River inhaled softly at the memory. So long ago for both of them now. Standing on the windswept beach, shortly after crawling through the wreckage of the Byzantium and teasing his younger self with spoilers. She looked up at him now, the same wonderful man as the one that stood on that beach all those years ago. But this time he was looking at her with such open adoration and love that she felt her remaining fears melt away.

“Well. She sounds rather exceptionally brilliant,” she murmured softly, allowing a smile to creep across her face as he leant towards her, “I’d keep her around if I were you.”

Brushing a stray strand of hair away from her face, he smiled back at her as he leant in further. “Oh,” he murmured back, his lips now against hers, “She really is. And I’m going to.”

At the feel of his lips on hers, the brush of his hand as it came up to stroke her cheek, River let the final remnants of her doubt go. Who knew what the future held? What dangers were lurking for them in far-flung corners of the universe? For now, they had been given a happy ending and she was taking it with both hands.

\---

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh and this is the end! I can't believe it has arrived - when I started this fic, I thought it would be around 25-30k max - ha! This is the longest thing I've ever written so far and who knows what I'll write in the future. It has been a delight though and thank you to every single one of you reading and to those who have left kudos and comments, especially the stalwarts who comment on every chapter - you are all wonderful and have most certainly kept me going. I'll certainly keep writing these two - I've just started a River/11 human AU for those who are interested - it's on my ao3 page and If anyone wants to say hi then I'm on tumblr at the same username as here.


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